Is my mother-in-law a bit controlling or is it just me?

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

Since the first day I had my baby it started. She didn't even ask she just told my baby's father that she is staying the night in our hospital room with us. I was crying to my mom about it bcuz I think that's something new parents should experience together. My husband didn't think anything of it but she was already in the delivery room with us, she finally go the picture that she shouldn't intrude like that. Our baby Athena is our first and only so far and my mother-in-law has two boys and two girls so she was able to experience all types of things with her four children. Well now I think it's my turn but she makes it hard. She watches her at least twice a week and still at times it's not enough for her, she even asked to watch her the one day she knows my grandparents watch her. I just got Athena's ear pierced and she was telling me that her and her husband almost took when I was at work but was laughing about it. She always has to comment "oh well Athena does this and that" like I don't know my own daughter, just last night I was playing with her and Athena started crying she was like "she doesn't like that" when proceeds to open her arms so she will come to her. There was a week I didn't get to spend as much time with Athena bcuz im pre-nursing so my mother-in-law watched her a lot that week then when I finally had her home with me his mom came over and started to do motherly things to her like feed her, rock her to sleep, etc... I was so mad and upset bcuz she knows I haven't got to spend as much time with her. My husband doesn't get it or is too much of a mamma's boy. Then what topped it off is that she asks me what I had planned for Athena's first bday and I said we are having a bday party for her that saturday(her bday is on a wed.) so his side and my side are all invited well then she said "I want to have a bday party for her on her actual bday with my side and your side can come too I am going to dress her up like a princess and get all these decorations" its like really don't you think you should ask and also don't you think your son and i want to spend our own time with her on that special day that is why we are having the party on sat so our families can celebrate it that day, why would our families want to come to two parties? I didn't say that to her bcuz idk if i'm in the wrong or not. As a mother I want to do all these things like plan her first bday party and have her eat her first cake that I picked out and dress her up to show her off and she is trying to do it first! I keep thinking about why do I even have to deal with this and tell you i don't want you to and make it like i'm the bad guy when I know i'm not trying to be at all. I talked to my husband about it and he is a bit of the mama's boy so at first he was like I don't see what's the big deal my mom was already buying decorations!! (her bday is in 3 months) but now he gets it after I explained it to him. Another thing we kept telling her to not hold Athena all the time when she watches her bcuz it makes it hard on us when we put her down and does she listen no! She is making it hard to have my daughter reach her milestones when she is never on the floor over there. Am I in the wrong or does my husband and his mother need a wake up call?


Dove - posted on 10/15/2012




Oh hell no! You and your husband need to sit down together and find a nice way (always start with nice) to tell MIL to back off!

You aren't in the wrong. This is YOUR child, not hers. Grandparents do get the 'right' to do a little bit of spoiling, but the parents are the ultimate in charge cuz... THEY are the parents.

I'm sorry. I hope he can find a way to get her to listen and respect you both as the parents. If not, I'd cut off all unsupervised contact until she DOES start respecting the fact that you two are this baby's parents.

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