is my sister normal or abnormal?

Shiela - posted on 10/08/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




i am the eldest of 3 children (i have a sister and a brother after me). we grew up like orphans and were accomodated in relatives house before our marriage. All of us are settled abroad. The problem is my sister who gives me silent treatment for years together over a verbal disagreement. She never returns calls/emails/sms. If she picks up the phone by mistake, then indecently she bangs the phone down. Her silent treatment ranges for years. all of a sudden one she calls me and says that it was her husband who asked her to cut off all relations with me (actually the disagreement was between me and her). I forgave her and began speaking to her on the same day. She is good (very very sweet to me) for the next few months and suddenly one day over another disagreement she starts her silent treatment. This has affected me a lot. She she was a kid, it was me who took her to school, helped her homework etc as we did not have parents. Now that she is married and settled (i am married and settled too), her behavior has radically changed. I tried my level best to call her (nearly 20-25 calls/sms) but no response. What do I do when she comes back to me in future with a cock and bull story for a patch up? Is her behavior a normal or a abnormal behavior? Is she suffering from a borderline disorder (she was blaming me for all the good things i did for my brother and other relatives). Earlier after establishing relationship with me she puts me and my family in pedestal for sometime to the extent of getting nostalgic. Slowly she changes and the talks becomes monosyllables. If there is any disagreement, then BANG the relationship goes into a silent treatment stage (wherein I suffer a lot).


Bobbie - posted on 10/08/2012




What took place in your lives as children has had an effect on her emotions. As the eldest there where things that she thought you were in control of when in fact you were just as lost and hurt as she was. This is why she would see things that were done for her brother or sides you took with relatives as being hurtful to her. Her normal response is to reach back in time for memories when she is with you. This is very unhealthy for her because she is unprepared to face the emotions. She then brings the emotions up to you in form of questioning your motives and actions, hoping for a healing that doesn't come so she again cuts you off. This cutting off is actually to her past but you are part of her past and inner twined with the painful memories.

She hasn't been able to strike a balance of a healthy relationship with you based on the people that you are today.

My suggestion to you is to write how you feel in a journal about the way you feel about her, the past as she sees it and judges you as well as the past as you see your actions.

This isn't to show to her, rather it is a way of getting out all the poison you have felt from the hurt. When you next feel like contacting her make it a handwritten letter asking that you two establish a relationship built on love and not visit that there is just so much pain and sadness there that speaking about it just can't erase.

I have attached the findings of how being abandoned as a child can effect all relationships

Abandoned child syndrome

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Abandoned child syndrome is a behavioral or psychological condition that results from the loss of one or both parents. Abandonment may be physical (the parent is not present in the child's life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation).[1]


Symptoms may be physical or mental, and may extend into adulthood and perhaps throughout a person's life.

Alienation from the environment -

withdrawal from social activities, resistance towards others.

Guilt - the child believes that he/she did something wrong that caused the abandonment (often associated with depression)

Fear and uncertainty - "clinginess", insecurities [6]

Sleep and eating disorders - malnutrition, starvation, disturbed sleep, nightmares [6]

Physical ailments - fatigue, depression, lack of energy and creativity, anger, grief [6]

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms