Is "NOT" letting my 15 year old daughter date the worst decision I could make for her?

Leann - posted on 01/19/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 15, the rule was she could date at 16 but only if she was accompanied by someone else. Not alone with a boy. We let her "date" , which means phone and just seeing them at school or school functions. Now she is wanting to date a boy that goes to a different school. I keep telling her no. She does not understand. Am I doing the right thing. Those were the rules for her older sister.

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Leann - posted on 01/19/2015

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My daughter is the same way, she shuts down. I do not want to cut the communication off with her. She is a lot more reserved than her older sister. I also want her to learn about what she wants in a boy. I have read that the longer girls refrain from dating the better there relationships are later in life. I want to her to have experiences and have fun. She too reminds me that she is the only one that does not get to "date". Luckily she is busy, we did let her go to the 9th grade homecoming with a boy, but it was heavily chaperoned. I still think 16 is a good age to start dating ,but not alone.
We try and keep her very busy, and it is natural that she wants to date. I just keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing and she will not be scarred for life making her wait and still being very cautious.

Raye - posted on 01/19/2015

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Kids at that age think they are adults already and that they can handle themselves in any situation. We know different. You have survived your teens, so you have experience to guide you, and you are responsible for your kids til they are 18. So what you say goes. It's not the worst thing to not let them date at 15. But don't take it to extremes and keep them too sheltered. They have to learn how to handle themselves with boys and get their hearts broken and all that stuff, so they will be better prepared for true romantic relationships later on.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2015

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My son was much easier than my daughter. He was more focused and less social. My daughter is a lovely girl, and the boys have been circling lately. I do want her to have fun and enjoy learning what she does and does not want in a boy, but it is scary too. Fortunately my daughter is very busy with school and volleyball. She does not have much free time. She has always been very honest with and I want to keep that dialog going. I worry if I am too strict, she will clamp down and shut me out. She reminds me often that her friends have had boyfriends for years...I know she is not the only one who is not permitted to have an exclusive relationship.

Leann - posted on 01/19/2015

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Thank you for commenting. It does help to have "allies". I also agree that "16" is not a magic number. It will be on a case by case basis also. I knew this day would come, believe me it is not fun. She is normally very level headed, she is debating everything.
Even when she is 16 ,it will not be alone dating and he can come to the house with us at home only. I went through this with her older sister. 15 and 16 were the hardest years.
Please anyone else going through this let me know.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2015

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I agree. Our house rule is 16 as well, for both boys and girls. My kids know that turning 16 is not a magic moment and that dating will be allowed on a case by case basis at first. The only "date" I have permitted was allowing each of my teens, one boy and one girl to escort and be escorted to the Homecoming Dance.
Stick to your rules.

Dove - posted on 01/19/2015

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My kids aren't allowed to date under 16. It's a well known rule from young childhood and even though my oldest is still only 13.. it's not questioned (well, my 6 year old questions it... but I'm not even going there.. lol)... If she is interested in this boy why not tell her she can invite him over for dinner... or you would be willing to take them and a few other friends to a movie or bowling or some other activity. I have no problem w/ supervised group activities... but one on one dating is not happening under 16.

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