is that a valid reason for him not to provide anymore?

GLADYS - posted on 07/17/2013 ( 22 moms have responded )

19

1

4

The father of my son said "what I know im a goddam atm machine"...as I don;t always follow what he said what he wants to do for our son...is that a valid reason for him not to provide anymore?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013

3,560

36

3907

I never said you were. I was just wanting to make sure the OP was aware that there were no wrong reasons for claiming child support through legal avenues because he has a LEGAL obligation to pay it, and if he is giving her grief over paying it, then this would be the sensible option to ensure he meets his obligations. It is absolutely every primary carer's right to file in the legal system for child support whether they are angry at an ex or not.

22 Comments

View replies by

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2013

21,273

9

3058

What exactly is he concerned with? What actions of yours are making him mad? Is he living with you still? Need more information. In your original post to me, you said you are not married, and he is not staying with you, but in your other recent post you stated that he stays at his parents when he is mad or something along those lines. I am very confused by the physical custody of your child and how often the father is with you both.

ETA- "Because everytime he is mad he just go and stay on his parent house and waits me to plead him to come back for my son sake…."

This was the wordage you used, which makes it sound like he is indeed living with you when he sees fit. This man sounds ridiculously controlling, and the ONLY way to get this under your control is by seeking out a lawyer and taking him in for child custody and child support. He has all the control, take it back.

Jodi - posted on 07/24/2013

3,560

36

3907

Gladys, I don't know where you live, but you really should formalise the child support arrangement, because he has no right to do this. What he does have is a responsibility to support his child, and this is unacceptable. This may involve getting a lawyer or it may not, depending on where you live. Where I live, child support is calculated by a government agency, so there is no lawyer needed and it is simply a phone call away, but in other places you would need to file in court. i would suggest you check on how to go about this in the country you live in and get it done. Then he will have no grounds on which to withhold support.

Gladys - posted on 07/24/2013

10

149

0

yes thats my point he should not stop any support to his son. He do speak up when he has concern on me and how I act or what I did. But of course I fight for what I believe in and as expected when I still stand on my belief and at the end I do not follow what he insist. He will get really mad on me and the default that he will do is to stop support of his son...

Right now, no more support and even no more news from that man...

Lana - posted on 07/23/2013

231

0

9

okay thank you for clarifying. I prefer to see things from a wide variety of perspectives, not just the perspective that I am being urged to see it from. I now understand why he is being a douchbag towards you. I was only getting aggravated because I was being corrected and down talked to by a third party. Thank you for clarifying. If the father is refusing financial support because he doesn't like "YOUR" personal actions then that is different. He needs to pay. If he has concerns with regards to the child he had better speak up, not just withdraw funds.

Gladys - posted on 07/21/2013

10

149

0

Hi Lana and Jodi,

Thanks for sharing your both nice and helpful advises.

I understand both of you what you are trying to say and both has a very useful to me,

Correct the Father of my son is not complaining how I spent the money he provides but he is more but he is more argumentative on how he wants me to act , think and decide as a mother to his child.
He is very aggravate to me everytime I run and manage our house the way he does not the way he wants to be.. That is the main reason he keeps on yelling and debating to me when everytime I ask or remind him of the financial support that his son needs…

He also jumps into conclusion that I never let him to be the Father in the house well in fact he is totally wrong. Because everytime he is mad he just go and stay on his parent house and waits me to plead him to come back for my son sake….

I've been through all this very heartache experiece to that man...thanks

Jodi - posted on 07/19/2013

3,560

36

3907

You need to calm down a little Lana.

I don't need to back up my argument with anything because there is no argument. The LAW says he must provide child support. That's all the back up the OP needs in answer to her post.

I'm not sure you read the things he was trying to control, perhaps you missed that - i.e. how frequently she cleans her house, not being scared of misquitos, etc. Silly nitpicky things no person should have control over. It wasn't about how she spent the money, but how she was living her life and managed her home.

Lana - posted on 07/19/2013

231

0

9

Speaking of him trying to "control" the mother. I find it funny hows she gets to run to the court and have him forced to pay child support while she spends the money on whatever she likes necessary or not. If two people split up and decide to coparent a child it is only fair that he get a say so on the funds and care of the child. If she is buying overpriced unnecessary garage I can see how that would piss him off. How dare you come at me sideways with nothing to back up your argument other than his "legal obligation to pay". I understand full well that he needs to pay. The fact that he is little more than a ATM machine in all the other answers is appalling. He deserves a say so in the upbringing of the child. This "control" You all speak of is convoluted logic.

Lana - posted on 07/19/2013

231

0

9

You evidently didn't read my full response and completely DISREGARDED the entire point I was making. Zooming in on only the point you disagree with is totally immature.

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013

3,560

36

3907

Run to the courts and ruin his life? Child support is an obligation. Running to court will not ruin is life, it will ensure that he steps up to his responsibility. Women filing for child support for the WRONG reasons? What more does she need than the fact that the child needs financial support and he is trying to dictate the terms? A woman doesn't get to decide the amount set - a judge does that and they sure don't take into account how upset the mother is. They take into account the needs of the child and decide what is fair. That's what the system is for. It isn't up to the father to decide how much is "fair".

Lana - posted on 07/18/2013

231

0

9

if you are senselessly spending money I can see why he would be upset. Refusal to pay at all is unacceptable. See what the two of you can work out as far as expenses before you run to the courts and ruin his life. If after the two of you sit down and discuss what all money you need and he STILL decides not to pay go ahead and file child support. Too often I see women filing for child support for the WRONG reasons. Examples being mostly because they are angry with the father. I know a man who is on child support because she was upset with him. The guy makes 3.15 an hour because child support TAKES $7.45 an hour of his check!

Heather - posted on 07/18/2013

32

16

2

GO TO COURT AND FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!! It doesn't matter if you're married. He's a controlling person who will use anything he can to keep control of you. He has an obligation to support your child and the court will make him. This gives you more leverage and the money he's supposed to provide. Of course, HE'LL pitch a fit, but that's to be expected from someone who wants to keep control. Don't let him intimidate you.

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013

3,560

36

3907

Time to get a child support order in place. He has no right to dictate to you. A child support order will take that control away from him.

Gladys - posted on 07/18/2013

10

149

0

No, we had just an interna; agreement before what he'll provide and some are mind already.
But sad to say, he is not giving anymore especially when he is mad to me and saying those reasons that I'm not following him.
Worst scenario is right now, totally no more even a cents...

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2013

3,560

36

3907

Well, then, no, this is not a valid reason. Just as you can't control how he runs his household when your son is there, he can't control yours and use that as an excuse to withhold support.

As per my previous question, do you have a child support case? If you do, he can't legally withhold it either.

Gladys - posted on 07/17/2013

10

149

0

Hi Jodi, thanks for relying in my post. Sorry to be vague, what I mean not following his wants in terms of how should I do in my daily way on how I raise up our child i.e. that
1. I should not be so obsessive compulsive in terms in cleanliness in house.
2. Also, Not to be scary in mosquito which I hate so much to have in house
3. That I very much particular in lots o things especially to our nanny.. so on and so forth..
that what I mean't and a lot of things.. when if I don't follow him he use that as an alibi
not to support which I think its all an damm excuse....

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2013

3,560

36

3907

Well, he doesn't have an obligation to support you, only your son. At the same time, however, he also can't dictate how you spend the money. I am not quite sure what you mean by following what he wants. If he wants a say in things like education, medical, and those larger life decisions, he has that right. If he wants to have time with his son, he has that right. Do you have child support case?

There is never a valid reason for him to stop supporting his child, but you need to look at how he is getting involvement in his child's life too.

Gladys - posted on 07/17/2013

10

149

0

thanks Little Miss Can't Be Wrong♥ sorry to be vague... I'm a single mom so we are not married so the father of my son is no longer staying in us anymore. Some of his financial support is totally cut because of the reason he usually tells me that I'm not a submissive and also not followint him what he wants and how I suppose to do for his son.. which for me is not a valid excuse....

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2013

21,273

9

3058

Nope. If you are spending out of control that is one thing. But if you are providing necessities, there should be no problem. If you are strictly buying designer cloths, and shoes that cost a ridiculous amounts for a child that will only be able to wear them for a short period of time, I can understand where he would be coming from. But you have not provided us with enough information to offer solid advice or opinions.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms