Is this a form of PAS?

Monica - posted on 09/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My Husband Fathered a child w/married woman(before we met). She divorced & her xHusband refused to give up his rights to my Husbands child. My Husband & I are in his Childs life. She knows him as Daddy & other man by his 1st name. We only get to visit 1 time per year due to out of state (16 hrs away). We try to talk & skype w/her as much as we can. She refuses to give my Husband a paternity test in court or any legal rights, yet demands we send her $$ every month. Even Threatens he cant see his Daughter if he does not pay. Tells him his child will never step foot in our home, yet calls up for more $$. He tells her he wants legal rights. 10 days ago she calls ask for more $$ we tell her we want rights she refuses, now 2 weeks later she tells him she wants him to be in his Daughter's life more...??? I feel this woman is nuts and possibly BI-POLAR, and i feel that she is emotionaly abusing not just the child but us as well, and i think it's a form of P.A.S? Ive tried to tell my Husband to stop paying her and obtain an attorney, yet legal bills would be over 6000.00 if not more, and we cant afford that. Any advise on how to handle this con-artist??


View replies by

Angela - posted on 09/08/2012




P.A.S. is an acronym for Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I certainly don't think your husband's ex is bipolar - that term is bandied around far too much! She's just greedy!

I would insist on a DNA test before she gets another penny. It's mighty suspicious that she doesn't want one! Why does her own ex-husband refuse to give up rights to this child? Possibly because she's HIS? Or she may well be your husband's daughter but she wants the other guy to believe she's his! It's in her interests to be getting money from both men.

Get the DNA test before you do anything else. But decide what you're going to do if it's proven this child isn't your husband's girl. Even if you need to take a few hairs from her hairbrush without the mother being aware and arrange your own private DNA test, at least you know where you stand - then you can take it from there.

Can your husband approach the other man (the child's mother's ex-husband) and discuss how the land lies for both of them, before approaching the mother? I'm just wondering how truthful this woman is being with both of these men.

Good luck!

Monica - posted on 09/08/2012




I have told him the same thing to obtain an attorney, hes afraid she will cut off all contact with him and he would not be able to ever see his child again. I think she is using parental alienation syndrome against him due to they broke up after the baby was born. Now he has been in childs life from day 1, she wants more money, my Husband has told her no not with out parental rights thru court. Im sorry i have my dates wrong on when she calls this has been ongoing for 4 years now. He has spoken to her numerous times in last 3-4 weeks. The other day my Husband told me he spoke to her, tells me she now wants him to be in his childs life more, yet still wont give a paternity test or make it legal in court. I tell my Husband your not her Father until paternity is proven in court. He wants to be in his childs life, and believes what she tells him. I know you can not have a healthy relationship with your child if your not on a regular basis of seeing them. And I feel that she is emotionaly and mentally abusing both to her child and my family. Im just not sure what to do or how to handle this. I know she is using him and playing games, yet i cant make my Husband see it. And I do not know how to make this stop. My Husband will not do anything in fear of losing his child all together, he will not obtain an attorney, what can I do legally, Do i have any legal rights to force her to stop? We went to visit her this year, she was so afraid that i cut that childs hair, accussed me of doing so, she was ready to call police on us, and i never cut the childs hair. I think she was afraid of dna testing. My thoughts are my Husband in the eyes of law is a stranger to this child, I really do not want anything to do with the child until court states she is his for I feel he is putting our family unit at risk. What can I do to protect myself, my own Daughter, and my Husband? Can I personally take this woman to court for anything?

Dove - posted on 09/08/2012




If he doesn't get a lawyer, get a paternity test, and go for legal visitation and/or custody.... you are subject to whatever games she wants to play...

I have no idea what P.A.S. is though.

I am curious how it is that 10 days ago she called asking for money and 2 weeks later she contacts you again....?? ;)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms