Is this a normal feeling to have toward the father of your expectant child

TiAnna - posted on 06/13/2013 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Ok I am 16 weeks pregnant going on 17 with alittle boy we got lucky and found out early. Im so happy to be having a child its makes me so happy. I'm 25 and he is 26 this is both of ours first child. My ex who will be the child's father I know since 2005 when I was 17 years old we always had a thing for each other and even hooked up a few times in the past. But we started dating in December finally after years of either me being with someone else or him not ready for a relationship. Well everything was great with the relationship He was so happy, and loved me and was so good to me and spoiled me. I cared about him so much and believe i was falling in love he treated me so good he is someone you want to date has a college degree and a bright future and I even still care for him and I was so happy with him it was the happiest I have been in a few years. Well we found out we was pregnant in March and we both were so happy to find out. I know he will be a great dad and be so wonderful to our son when he is born, but as soon as I started thinking about forever I just couldn't see myself with him forever let alone another 5 months or a year. Any problems we had arosed after I became pregnant we never fought before but as soon as I became pregnant we always fought and he takes the blame for it because he said he didn't know how to handle all the changes, and that he is sorry for it all. I have no doubt he loves me and even still when we was having problems he let me use his car for the weekend to go see my friend and her baby. He got me a mothers day gift, and got me a trip to fly to North Carolina to see my sister and nieces and nephews and that is where I am at now. I don't know if this is just hormones and part of the pregnancy but everything changed for me after I found out I was pregnant I became distant and didn't want to talk to him or have him around, and didn't feel like I had any feelings for him. I waited it out to see if anything changed but 3 weeks ago I broke up with him and I feel so bad because I know it hurt him. I cared for him so much he has always been one of my best friends, and I love that he is going be the father of my son I couldn't ask for a better person to father my son. He is still going go to the appointments and be involved when it comes to stuff with the baby but I getting my own stuff without him before we broke up he spent over 400 dollars on baby stuff but told me to keep it and he would start over. He is such a great person I just don't know what happen. I have had bad relationships in the past as I have been burned bad twice by guys, and My dad was in and out of my life but I don't think for a second that my sons dad will bail on us. He has wanted to start talking about an agreement on how visitations will be when our son is born in November because he wants to be in his sons life as much as possible, but just to think about him or talk to him it pisses me off. Ladies help is this normal is this hormones or is it more and its just my feelings telling me I don't want my whole live with him. Everything was great but everything changed for me as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I told him after I was pregnant that I didn't want to get married yet because of the child and he said he agreed he wanted to marry me but wanted it to be on our time. I had him look at houses for us to get together but then the next day I didn't want him to move in with me. But we are broke up now and I haven't seen him since our last appointment and I won't see him until this next week. He is such a great guy and wants to talk to me all the tiime but also backs off at times and keeps his distance and he wants to still be involved and be with me but I just have no feelings like that for him anymore is this normal ladies. Because this all came up after I was pregnant because I was so into him before we found out I was pregnant I always wanted my time with him. Can someone help me out I know im driving him insane

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Denikka - posted on 06/13/2013

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It's quite possible that it's related to the pregnancy hormones. It's tough.
I'm currently pregnant with my third child with the same guy. And every time, we go through rough patches. I can't stand being touched, I hate that he's lovey (and he LOVES the pregnant body, so always want's to rub my tummy or whatever). Every little thing annoys me way more than it should. I just want him to go away most of the time, it's such a relief when he leaves every morning for work and most days I kind of dread him coming home.
When I was pregnant with my first, I did leave him. There were a lot of little things, but the ultimate fight was over money. $20 to be exact. I look back and it was SO stupid, but at the time, it was huge. We got back together rather quickly, but there's always some major tension when I'm pregnant.

Honestly, in your shoes, I would talk to a therapist. And to him. Just explain what's going on with you right now. A therapist may be able to help you understand and figure out how you actually feel. And talking to him will let him in a bit on how you're feeling and help him to understand. Don't make any permanent decision right now. Keep communication open and explain as best as you can.
Pregnancy can do weird things to a person.

Virginia - posted on 06/14/2013

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It may be hormones.
However when you said "your dad was in and out of your life" it caught my attention, because I think we tend to repeat situations that we have gone through during our childhood (who knows why we do it, maybe it is what it is familiar to us). So if the male figure during your childhood was in and out, you may have developed emotional attachment to male figures that do not stay around in your life. That would explain why when this guy wants to stay around for good, you stop having feelings for him. I am no psychologist, but this is what I have read, and am sharing in case it is useful... Best would be to talk to a psychologist and see if it is something that you can work on! This guy sounds really nice and caring, and since you are having a baby, it is worth trying to be happy together! Best of luck

Dawnita - posted on 06/13/2013

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You are just hormonal. Don't make any drastic, life altering decisions until at least 6 mos. after your baby is born. It is his baby too...and he should be included in his life. I learned the hard way, raising my oldest child on my own after leaving his Dad during my pregnancy. You said it yourself..."He is such a great guy" then give him a chance. You don't have to get married, or live together to BE A FAMILY. I hope you take the time to re-read what you wrote...even print it out and carry it with you to refer to often...because it sounds like you might have the "one" for you lined up already...best wishes!

Jaclyn - posted on 06/15/2013

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It is absolutely hormones! This is my second pregnancy and the first time my BD was not around and I did it all on my own. I had no issues with him and could've cared less if he was even around. This time I am engaged and have a great guy who is so involved and wants to be a part of everything, even breast feeding! Ha Before I got pregnant we NEVER fought and were so completely in love. We planned this child and planned on getting married. Since becoming pregnant we have had some of the worst arguments I have had with anyone and there are some days I can't even stand to look at him. Try not to push your sons father away. I was a single mother for 8 years and having a father that is involved is a huge help for you and your son. Take things slow and tell him how your feeling. Have him read up on pregnancy and all the changes you are going through. Your body is doing an amazing thing right now, but it is also working very hard. Try and remember all the things you live about him and why you were so happy to have his child in the first place. Also take time for yourself when you need it. I hope things work out for you I can see you clearly live him and he loves you and your son. Keep your head up!

Deanna - posted on 06/14/2013

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It could be hormones, but I think it goes deeper than that. You said your father was hardly in your life. I think deep down you may be worried that he will leave you, and that is normal. The fact that he wants this baby does speak volumes. But, you do need to sit down with him to discuss the future. Most times when a couple breaks up, there are no complications. But now you have a baby boy on the way. And that complicates things. He wants to be there for both of you, but I think you are scared. If he wants to help pay for the baby, let him. There are many fathers who refuse to help, so don't give that up. We, as mothers, do need help.
I do think that you need to talk to a professional though. Contrary to what many think, it is not a bad thing to talk with someone. It helps keep things in perspective and helps you work it out.
You keep reiterating that he is a great guy. What part of it have you lost interest in? Is it the sex? The emotional? The fighting? Pregnant women can lose interest in sex, become VERY emotional, and VERY irate. It is all normal. The fighting is healthy, unless cruel things are said or done.
I do think he deserves to know why you broke up. He sounds like a guy who would understand.
Also, those guys who burned you? F*&k them. They are nothing in the here and now. They just would have helped you know what you deserve. And a great guy is what you deserve.
Good luck!!! And talk to your doctor.

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Sharon - posted on 06/25/2013

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I hated my husband for my entire pregnancy. I mean, truly HATED! And I would tell anyone who would listen. I was nasty to him. I have never felt that way about anyone ever. It was scary. I don't know how he put up with it. I was so mean, but he still did anything I screamed at him to do and rubbed any part of me that I would stick in front of him. He never complainants somehow resisted the urge to smother me in my sleep! 3 days after are beautiful daughter was born, my feelings just went right back to normal. My mom was staying with us and witnessed it. It was instant and complete. I never believed the power of hormones until that moment. I thought I really hated my husband. This didn't happen during my first pregnancy. I was shocked and so grateful to my husband for sticking it out. Our daughter just turned 8 and we are celebrating 10 years of marriage next month. Good luck. I hope this helps.

TiAnna - posted on 06/24/2013

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Well another update our baby is growing great but we had a few more fights over stupid stuff so we are going take a few weeks off of talking and just try to have space and breathing room until we go to the 20 weeks checkup. He wants to when we meet up again to just let go of the past rough months and just focus on the future and present and work to getting along and taking it day by day.

Brittany - posted on 06/22/2013

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My ex my sons dad was excatly the way you discribed your ex i didnt start getting annoyed with him after i got pregnant. It isthr hormones

Julia - posted on 06/22/2013

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It could be hormones. It could also be a little fear, almost like wedding day jitters. Even though you aren't getting married right now you are facing a similar major life change. Counseling is a good option. In any long term relationship it is about getting through the rough patches. No matter who you marry you will go through periods of time where you wonder if you made the right choices or when you feel disconnected from the person. How you deal with those periods of disconnect will determine the true strength of the relationship as well as the true character of the individuals in the relationship. It sounds like this is a man of character. You need to get yourself together and realize that how you work through this will shape not only your future but that of your child. We all have hormones but our choices, good or bad can't just be blamed on hormones. Get over it and work on this relationship because whether you end up married or not you are tied to him for the rest of your life.

Rebecca - posted on 06/22/2013

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One word: COUNSELING.

And do it soon, for your child's sake. Stress and fighting are terrible for a child, even in utero.

Briana - posted on 06/21/2013

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Ohh my how the hormones rage! With our daughter I wanted nothing to do with my husband, and we had been married nearly 15 yrs when she was born. With our son I couldn't leave him alone, then we had been married 11 yrs. My hormones are finally starting to even out after 9 months post partum with our baby girl, and nursing has helped. Until now, fights were a regular occurrence and mood swings were nearly hourly. I could cry one minute and rage the next. Be glad he is willing to work with you instead of just walking away. These days men walking away is much too common.

Jo - posted on 06/21/2013

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Stop messing around, you may not want to marry or live with the child's father, but he seems genuinely interested in taking responsibility and though it may not seem like it before the birth, he may prove to be your greatest ally.
Do not make any far reaching decisions at this time, trust me on this, everything will change and you will see in time that a good father (whether you are together or not) is as important as a good mother.

Roshni - posted on 06/21/2013

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Hormones it is..
Respect the fact that he is still around with u behaving the way u r.. if u cant say anything good atleast dont say anything u'll regret later.. keep things neutral. se where u land up when the baby's here..

Jolene - posted on 06/21/2013

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So glad to hear that things are going better!
Him wanting to work on the relationship is a really good sign, you should really appreciate that a lot of men would run at the first opportunity they get :)

Just try and stay calm, tell him how you feel about things instead of bottling it all up, and try and take his feelings and views into consideration as well, even though it's difficult.

Good luck!

Jolene - posted on 06/21/2013

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Kathleen, I think the purpose of this forum is to be able to assist and support each other. Either you have never been pregnant before, are having a bad day, or a super easy pregnancy.

Perhaps if you have nothing of value to add to kind to say, it is better left unsaid.

TiAnna - posted on 06/20/2013

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Thanks ladies this is all been so helpful yesterday was the first day I saw him in a month and we actually didn't have a fight he took me to lunch and asked me if we could start hanging out to build a realtionship back up if anything else a friendship again because we use to be best friends but once I got pregnant we lost our relationship as we both turned all our focus to the baby and didn't think about trying to keep our relationship strong. I told him I don't know cause its just weird right now because we just broke up a month ago and I don't want him to get his hopes up of us getting back together and come to find out all this isn't the pregnancy hormones and stuff and he said he would rather us build something back up because if this is the hormones and stuff and things end back up being normal then he doesn't want to take the chance of us not having any type of relationship and then when our son is born that we just have nothing to give anymore. He has been mature about it and has been calm even when I have got upset about other girls already trying to get with him and he told me that he is going have hope that we will get back together no matter what until that day comes that I may end up with someone else. He loves me so much and I told him im not sure if this is the pregnancy or if its more but he understands better now and told me it would be on my time for when I would want to talk or hang with him. Any other thoughts ladies.

Tanya - posted on 06/19/2013

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Time will tell yes it can be hormones it's so hard but I went threw it to it will pass keep your space tell him you are going threw changes if he loves you he will be there but he sounds like a great catch so I wouldn't push him away either you will need him he is daddy it will be ok you will see it goes so fast and your body changes don't be with someone for a baby only love

Jolene - posted on 06/19/2013

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Hormones most definitely!!!
Myself and my husband have been married for 4.5 years and have been together for 10 years!!!! When I fell pregnant (a planned pregnancy), the same thing happened. We fought about everything!
I think the important thing to remember is that it is an adjustment for both the mother and the father of the baby. Even though you feel that it is happening to you and your body is the one that has to change so much, it really is a big deal for them as well, I think sometimes even more so than for us. They don't have that immediate bond with the baby like we do, and they become responsible for so much so fast. I think falling pregnant takes its toll on most relationships, the question is what do you make of the situation and to always keep your baby's best interest at heart.

Good luck! I am sure that things will work out for you exactly the way they are suppose to. Do try to not push him away completely though, you are going to need the help and support of the daddy once baby is born.
Congrats on the boy by the way!

Reyna - posted on 06/17/2013

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You both should sit down with a counselor. They will be able to help you both through this. It sounds mostly like hormones and a counselor will understand and help you both through it explaining to you and him what to expect right now. When you have your prenatal appointments they should be asking if you have made major decisions during your pregnancy. If they dont ask then you bring it up so they are aware that your pregnancy hormones are affecting your personal life. They will then be able to refer you to some one or explain to you how your body is changing and how it is affecting your feelings toward your partner. It is normal to go through what you are going through and it will pass once the baby is born. but you dont want to be miserable knowing you lost someone you love and you could have formed a beautiful family with for your child

Tracey - posted on 06/15/2013

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if you keep pushing him away he might just leave You for good, not you're son but you in general. By the time you realise u want him it may be to late.you may be doing emotional damage to him right now, go to couple counciling and try sort it out before is to late

Tracy - posted on 06/14/2013

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I think it's a combination of hormones and some issues dealing with the changes yourself. Who says us women can't freak out about being a parent too - even while being happy about it? I think some counseling/soul searching/a lot of talking it out is needed for you. Try to figure out why things changed for you. Two most important things to keep in mind: 1) you do NOT have to make a life long decision right now. It's probably the worst time to be making life altering decisions (you are already making one right now - to be a parent - don't compound it!) Communicate this with your child's father. Tell him how you want to just maybe put things between you two as a couple on hold right now so you can get your head together. If he's this great guy you say he is, I'm sure he will understand and give you some time. :) 2) I think you owe it to your child to try to work things out. I don't mean stay just because you have a kid together, but don't end it lightly or quickly without putting all issues at stake into the mix. Your child has a chance at both parents together. Don't just toss that aside because you "aren't into him" right now. I've been with my husband for 12 years and there are times when all I can think about is leaving but I don't have a real reason as to why. He's a great husband and father. That doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel trapped or wonder what another life might be like. The strength comes from realizing that these are problem IN MY HEAD. Much of this started after the birth of our daughter three years ago. We've both changed a lot in these few years but realizing that we still love each other and want what's best for the other person as well as what's best for our family we have built is the most important key to a long and happy marriage. Now all that said, after the birth and some settling into your new roles has been accomplished, review where you two stand with each other. Don't make lasting decisions right now. Just be willing to give each other some space and SOME GROWING ROOM because not only is a little one growing from the two of you but the two of you are growing from this little one. :)

Vernet - posted on 06/14/2013

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Am i the only person who actually wanted 2 be touched during my pregnancy. I guess bc no one made a fuss over me. No one wanted 2 rub my belly :-(... Well enough about me. I think the other ladies are right about the hormones i wanted 2 through a bottle at my BD everytime i saw his face.. Although he wasnt into my pregnancy like your BF (but he is a great father). He sounds like a really good guy so just try to get along with him. If u need space then do that.. Take time away from him but dont shut him out!!! Communicate tell him how u feel.

Kelly - posted on 06/14/2013

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I've been desperately in love with my husband since I was 14, but there was always something standing in the way, on my end or his. I'm 25 now, we've been together for three years and married for 1. I'm pregnant with my first, his second. For the past three or four months, just about everything he's done or said has made me either cry because he's so sweet and good to me or made me want to wring his neck because he just doesn't understand me. Sometimes I can't imagine being without him, sometimes I can't imagine being with him.

I have had some mental health issues in the past (depression, anxiety), so I talk to a counselor every other week. It's been really helpful. I think the biggest thing is that you probably shouldn't make major life changing decisions, on your own, while you're pregnant. All these hormones effect us in ways I don't think we'll ever really understand.

Leslie - posted on 06/14/2013

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Im dealing with the same issue and my best advice is make yourself happy and do what best for your child in the long run..... Dont stay with a man just cause he the father of your child... Im doing that now and because of it im miserable......when i told him i would marry him after he asked 3times all the gift buying and helping with food and bills stopped completely dont make the same mistake i did follow your heart and do what you think is best for,you and your child

Cecilia - posted on 06/13/2013

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It might be hormones. It might just be because your entire life is about to change. As someone else said it might be something your ob can help with. He is admitting he is on edge too. Wait until the baby is born and see how you feel then. Explain to him you don't know why you feel the way you do but you just do.

Marie - posted on 06/13/2013

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Lol happened to me too but it got way better after my son wAs born so I just chalk it up to crazy pregnancy hormones!

Melissa - posted on 06/13/2013

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Talk to your OB doctor. They can give you insight. May even have need of medication while pregnant. I did for 2nd pregnancy. It made a huge difference. And seriously, other than taking back your man, don't make any more drastic life decisions!

Peggy - posted on 06/13/2013

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It's your hormones! Try not to make ANY decisions until the baby is born and your hormone go back to normal. I had the same problem with my husband. But about 2 months after she was born thing were better. Just give it time and don't do anything right now.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013

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Denikka, gave you some hugs just to annoy your anti touch preggo body! I was the same freaking way, ESPECIALLY during labor. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME when i am in that much pain.

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