Is wanting this BM out of my life!!

Bri - posted on 07/09/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




Im really tired of the BM onemonth wanting to be around my SK he is very young. DS6 tells BM during her half of summer time visits..that he gets punished at our home if he calls me Breanne (my real name) he tells BM he is forced to call me "mommy." Fiance said to SK on phone there is NO WAY im not going to call her Mommy to you when Breanne (me) has earned the title of Mommy. The phone call ended right there. Im lost of what to do.

I do feel I do more than the BM. She does pay child support so she isnt a "deadbeat," when it comes to C/S.

But coming and going out of your childs life isnt cool by me.

I know fiance makes it hard on her to see SK only becuz she causes drama whereever she goes. I dont know what to feel anymore.

BM made it hard for my fiance to call everyday to say HI

My fiance constantly asked welfare questions to SK! Thus leading my SK to "hang up," on my fiance.

Fiance now tells him HE IS GOING to be doing more chores at our house when he returns this Sunday. BM is making deseperate attempts of getting custody of my SK! Police reporting for "stalking," and "harrassment."

We call BM by her name to my SK when talking "about his BM." Fiance says BM doesnt deserve or is entitled to refer to her as "mommy," simply because he has custody (majority) and shes not around - I am!

SK is just constantly hanging up (or so to say prolly BM is!) and refusing to talk to my fiance his BD who has raised him since 15months! I met DS at 2 1/2 and now he is 6 so a good 4 yrs....I just want this BM out of my life and can't wait. Leaving my FIANCE is not an option, but it was SO nice when BM was gone and not active.:) Now she is coming around and trying to obtain custody and go to court before school starts this next school year!


Jodi - posted on 07/09/2011




Why are you making it a competition? It's not a competition on who does more for the child!! Let the kid make up his own mind. And your fiance put your step son in the middle? The poor kid is confused. he probably has BM telling him to call you Breanne, he now has dad saying, no you can't call her that......can you understand how confused the poor kid is? And your fiance asking welfare questions? The kid is SIX!!!! What happened to "how is your day doing? are you having fun?"

Sorry, but these posts make me mad. Okay, I "GET" that the BM is not much chop. But you can't control what she does. What I see here is that you and your fiance are putting this child in the middle JUST AS MUCH as she is. I ask you, when are you all going to stop playing one up on each other and let the kid love BOTH biological parents?

Isobel - posted on 07/10/2011




sorry but for the record....her title is Mother not Birth Mother.

You may feel that you do a lot for him but that does not give you the right to a) demote her. or b) promote yourself.

I say this as a step child, a former step parent, and the parent of children with a step parent.

Grow up.


View replies by

Jane - posted on 07/10/2011




The drama will stop once all three of you stop being dramatic. Believe it or not, a child can love more than two parents! And a child can call two different women both mommy at the same time if the child wants to.

The job that all three of you need to be doing is helping this child figure out what he enjoys and what he is good at, helping him get the sort of schooling and training so he can find a way to make a living and enjoy it at the same time, and making the child feel secure by knowing that he is loved for who he is, not for who he calls mommy.

Your fiance needs to stop putting his child in the middle, stop asking him "welfare questions," and simply let him be a kid. Questions like "What did you do today?" and "Did you have fun?" and "Guess what we did today for when you come home?" are all appropriate.

And telling the child he will be doing more chores when he comes back to the dad's house is not exactly a way to endear a child to the dad. Especially not one who is only six!

Grow up! Get your fiance to grow up, too. Maybe, if both of you act as adults, the mother of this poor kid will also be less dramatic and more grown up. Stop fighting over the kid! He isn't a bone that two dogs don't want to share.

Michelle - posted on 07/09/2011




My ex and I have been divorced since my son was 11 months old, as my son knows that bd is his dad and I am his mom, my ex other half however is mom as well even though she is not a full time parent to him I believe it is important for the child to show respect to all sides, that being said my son calls his step dad by his first name because that is what my husband was comfortable with at the time now that we have another child my son has started referring to his step dad as dad so that his little sister will stop calling him by his first name. My son is now 10 and I am a firm believer and have been from the day he could understand his relationships with both sides that he can chose what he calls everyone.

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