Isolated Mom

Penny - posted on 11/15/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I joined because I dont have any human interaction with people outside my husband or children in the real world. I moved to Australia from Canada almost 4 years ago but I work from home and just have never met any people. I got pregnant and had a baby during this time (my second) and my mom came for 6 months to help so at times it didnt seem so bad, or I was too busy with work and kids to notice. I tried joining 2 mother's groups, but I found them really boring after a while, because no one would hang out outside the groups, and the groups were basically hour long conversations about our kids. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids, but I am with them 24 hours of every day 7 days of every week without end. So talking about them at naseum is not my idea of a vacation.

I always pictured having kids as an extension of my life before kids, lots of friends and family members, barbeques and birthday parties. My kids have never had one birthday party where anyone but myself or my husband was present. Repeat with Christmas, easter.... you get the idea.

My son is 4 now and I cant model human interaction to him. But I also find the idea of going out to meet people incredibly overwhelming right now. I dont get alot of breaks or me time. If I can ever convince my husband to wacth the kids for any length of time I usually just try to get on top o the house work, then pass out on the couch. I feel like I dont know how to talk to people any more. I feel like when I do people are judging me (I know that is probably not the case, it just feels that way)...

My son is in daycare now one day a week. I am going to put my 2 year old in a similar program as well as sports. Just trying to make sure they know how to interact with kids. I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. I moved 7 years ago from one part of Canada to another and made friends relatively quickly. But I worked, went to school and didnt have 2 kids. It feels like at this point I will spend the rest of my life only seeing the mailman, cashiers at grocery stores and the workers at my kid's daycare. Sorry for the pity party, I didn't intend for it to be this pathetic. I thought that maybe I am stuck in cant mode and someone would have some ideas for me that I havent thought of.

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Nikki - posted on 11/15/2013

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Yeah our rebates are fantastic, I work in a daycare centre. So I am pretty lucky in that I get the best of both worlds. I get to go to work and my daughter comes too. Although having her in my class this year has been a challenge at times, but we make it work.

There are some amazing and progressive childcare centres in Melbourne, another reason I cannot wait to move there. I used to be a Director before we moved and I am really looking forward to getting back into that role.

Penny - posted on 11/15/2013

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I wanted to add that daycare here is amazing. I think we pay 35 dollars a day and my son goes for 11 hours on Friday (7am - 6pm). That is awesome. My son went for 24 hours in Canada a week when i went to school and it was a small fortune. I used to joke we could rent him an apartment or the cost ;)

Penny - posted on 11/15/2013

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I sell vintage jewellery. I love every part of my job immensely but like 99% of my sales are online not face to face. I always welcome people to come and see stuff before they pay but I sell to people from all over australia and also the US so not really possible in alot of cases. I have a pretty little home office and look forward to the odd client who comes here though. I have a facebook page for my business (i wont post it I read a post about that on another thread) and to be honest i talk to more people on there than in real life. It has like 3500 fans and I think it is ironic because i dont know 3.5 people in this country in real life. I think I have used my work to escape from that emptiness of not having social interactions.

Small towns can be hard if you are used to the big city. I lived in a smaller place in Canada before I came here (Kelowna) and it was a big adjustment from where i was born. I gave birth in the 1! hospital there and boy oh boy it was sketchy. I had to get an epidural when i was 1 cm dialated because the guy was going home for the night, so it was now or never. LOL. Come here! Then I could say I know someone ;)

Michelle, I am from Edmonton, Alberta. (Go Oilers Go)

You know what they say about the guy from Saskatchewan. His wife left him and he could see her walking away for a whole week hehehe
=)

Nikki - posted on 11/15/2013

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You are not a freak, I went from the most confident woman in the world to a shell of my former self. It's a big adjustment. I am in country Victoria, just few hours North of you. I am not overly happy here though. When we moved here we did so for legitimate reasons and while it has been great in some ways; I miss culture and convenience. I have certainly worked out that I am not a country girl! Thankfully so has my husband so we are actually looking at moving to Melbourne in 6-12 months, fingers crossed it will be sooner than later. We have two close friends there that have a daughter who is the same age as ours. My husband is just finishing up some study and then hopefully we will be off. I cannot wait, I miss sushi, Thai food, and 24 hour chemists!

You might find it a bit easier when your son starts Kinder, even if you could get a day or two out of the house? Childcare is not that expensive for a day or two. What kind of work do you do?

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2013

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Hi Penny, welcome to Australia. I'm in Perth (other side of the country) but I married a Canadian :) He's from Saskatchewan.

Penny - posted on 11/15/2013

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I think that is a good idea. I get so anxious hen I have to go out these days sometimes I will go all the way there then turn around and go home. I never in my life thought that it would get this bad. I will try to see if I can find something part time but I am also concerned about who will watch the kids.I will try to figure something out. My son is starting kinder in Jan.

I am in Melbourne where are you located?
oh and you have no idea how reassuring it is to hear that other people go through this. I feel like a freak sometimes. ;)

Nikki - posted on 11/15/2013

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Oh, I have been there and if it wasn't for going back to work I might have had a nervous breakdown. It's terrible how much isolation can impact your mental health.

To a certain degree I still feel a little like this, I don't really fit in with any of the mums in my area but my one single friend is at a very different stage in her life, so it's a little complicated. I don't really feel like I have any friends that really get me and I miss that. I had so many fantastic friends over the years, but we moved and it just isn't the same anymore. I think it is harder to make friends when you have a partner or are married too. I am lucky that I have a sister in law close by that I love but other than that I don't spend much time outside of work with anyone but my daughter and husband.

Meeting friends when you are older and have so many responsibilities is really difficult and can be so overwhelming. Is there any possibility that you can look at getting some part time work out of the house?

Maybe you could do a post on here, or look for a local FB group in your area, ask for women who are in the same situation as you if they would like to meet up? Where about in Australia are you? (I am an Aussie :)

I was lucky that I was able to go back to work and it has helped me to gain back part of my own identity, I am still not 100% happy with how things are but I am making progress. Before I went back to work; this website was my only adult interaction for most of the day. I have to say, it may sound strange, but I learnt a lot about myself through the friendships I build on here over the years. So may be you could try and find a community on here that you have some common ground with to meet a few people? It might help to alleviate some of the loneliness you are feeling.

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