Issues with 14yr old daughter

June - posted on 12/29/2017 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Last week, I caught my daughter making out with her boyfriend in her room, when I came home earlier than planned. She is allowed to have her boyfriend over when I am not in the house, as we do have a small apartment and I do see how it is much easier for her to have friends over when the apartment is empty. However, I am not sure how to feel about this. I have had many conversations about sexual relationships, peer pressure sct. in the past, and it is not a taboo subject or anything, and she is very responsible, with good school work, but I'm not sure if she's ready for a relationship like that... Is 14 too young?

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Michelle - posted on 12/30/2017

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It doesn't matter much you think she won't go any further, you are giving them the opportunity to. It's almost like you saying, go ahead and have sex.
Teens need rules and at 14 she doesn't need alone time with her boyfriend. You don't know what they discuss when you are around, you don't know if he is getting pressure from his friends and then in turn pressuring your daughter.
If you keep your blinkers on the chances of her going further are very real sooner rather than later.

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Not too early, I mean I remember doing things like that when I was her age. It's totally normal, just make sure she understands the consequences of going too far! Damn guys calm down it's just kissing

Ev - posted on 12/29/2017

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1) Your 14 year old should not be left home alone with a boy and no supervision.
2) They should not be allowed in her room by themselves.
3) If you allow this to keep on you could become a grandmother very young.

You need to keep the talk going on relationships and so forth. She may be responsible in a lot of areas or ways but she does not know what she is getting into with dating yet and yes, she is too young.

June - posted on 12/30/2017

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The thing is, I'm not that worried about it, as I personally don't see an issue with making out at that age... I know she's responsible enough to not go too far, and she isn't in the typical 'I love you so much' sort of relationship, as we have talked about this numerous amounts of times, and I feel like I understand what the relationship looks like for her. I feel like she's responsible enough not to do anything that could risk her future.

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Ev Witt, what is the harm of making out? Really. It won't get her pregnant. And if she understands the consequences of sex, and is responsible enough not to do it yet, then what's the issue?

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Michelle - posted on 12/30/2017

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Making out leads to other thing and at 14 she doesn't have the maturity to make the responsible decisions. You never know what he will convince her to do and if she "loves" him she will do anything to keep him. They don't think through all the consequences and pregnancy is a very real consequence.
14 is too young to be leaving her alone with a boy. You are just asking for trouble, especially since you caught them making out.
I don't even allow my 16.5 son and his almost 18yo girlfriend alone!!! I don't want to be a Grandmother just yet.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2017

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Jenny, she is too young. Kids this day and age may be 14 but a lot of them act like they are still kids playing around with this stuff. They do not understand what it is about.

Summer - posted on 12/30/2017

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I agree with everything Ev said below!

My daughter is 15 and my lessons learned recently is that is too young to be left alone with her girlfriend, so yes, 14 is too young to be left alone in an apartment with a boy. If they want to hook up, there needs to be multiple friends present - or, if you can't be there, then another parent, guardian, or older responsible person (preferably at least 21).

I try never to be judgemental when replying, as I never know the full situation or am I walking in your shoes, but you are putting too much temptation in front of them by just leaving them alone in your apartment.

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