Issues with child's father's girlfriend

Amber - posted on 03/26/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son can't stand his fathers girlfriend. He loves my husband and has no complaints about anyone else in his life. She has left bruises on him by grabbing him. We split time 50-50 and he goes to school in his father's school district. Cps won't do anything and the law guardian has ignored everything I have ever said to her and investigated nothing. I am waiting on the complaint form so I can file a complaint because she has constant private meetings with me ex and his attorney but will only speak with my attorney here and there to tell her what they decided. Also my son tells me his grandmother has a framed picture of the law guardian. Sketchy. Anyway his teacher recognized that something is wrong and I want to help my son but at this point all I can do is encourage him to talk to me when things bother him. He told me yesterday that his father and his girlfriend fight about him in front of him. Any advice?

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Amber - posted on 03/26/2015

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Its not that I can't take him for a visit, it's that I can't take him to a different doctor for a second opinion. I can't afford a new attorney. Next time we go to court I am going to have to get a public defender and its very difficult to get a new judge without proof that they are biased. I don't like his doctors office because saying that the bruises are too small for them to care is like saying its ok to abuse kids so long as you hide it as well as you can. The past few years have been a living hell and it mainly comes down to the law guardian. Its also difficult to get her replaced without proof of bias but I am going to do my best. In the meantime this poor kid is shutting out his emotions to disassociate and they are coming out while hes in school.

Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

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Get a new attorney and get a new judge. If they don't care about the welfare of your child, you need to find someone who does. Your agreement seems to have a lot of restrictions. Use the ones that benefit this situation to your advantage (no physical punishment) and maybe have that one about not going to the doctor without the other's permission revised. Yes the parent should be ADVISED if his child needs medical attention, but him being allowed to veto a doctor's visit because he doesn't want it found out his girlfriend is abusive to his son is a crock of shit.

Amber - posted on 03/26/2015

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I agree %100 percent. My husband never lays a hand on him and actually avoids any discipline at all which is fine by me. However, my ex constantly makes excuses for his girlfriend and now denies she does anything. One of the first times it happened he told my son it was ok because she said she was sorry. We actually don't use physical punishment with him in my house at all because it just isn't necessary with him and the custody order states it isn't allowed. He responds well to losing toys and video games. My attorney told me I shouldn't file a violation because the judge I have won't care and it's probably true. I have a message in with the supervisor in my counties cps department so hopefully something comes from that.

Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

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Ask to see the results of the investigation, and/or continue to request a new case worker.

What does your ex say about his GF treatment of your son? It should be the bio parents that do the majority of the discipline. I am a step mom, and I would never raise a hand to those kids. If they deserve a spanking, their dad deals out the punishment. I have only ever taken things away that they were fighting over. Everything else has been handled by their father and mother. Especially a woman that he's not even married to yet should not be grabbing or doing anything to the boy at all (unless she's pulling him out of the street so he won't get run over or something). Your ex needs to make sure the boy is treated properly in his house.

Amber - posted on 03/26/2015

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Here's where it gets really screwed up. His doctors office said they weren't worried because the bruises were small. He was seeing a counselor at the time and she was the one who called CPS in the first place. According to the custody order neither one of us is allowed to take him to any doctors without the other ones ok. I am completely barred from protecting my child and according to him, the CPS worker never visited his fathers house while he was there. I have tried everything and its horrible not being able to protect him.

Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

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If the ex's girlfriend is hurting him and leaving marks, take him to the doctor and get it documented. Then give that as proof to CPS. The teacher's statement should also be able to be used in the investigation. Maybe get your son into counseling and have the counselor provide a statement also. If the case worker is not investigating properly, then request a different one. Do everything you can to protect your son.

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