It bothers me a lot, but should it?

Devin - posted on 03/24/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello all, I am new to the community and in search of some advice on a sensitive subject. I recently moved in with my boyfriend who's three year old son comes to stay with us on the weekends. However I'm finding some of my boyfriend's behaviors towards his son a bit, unsettling. To get to the point, I often feel like he shows way too much physical affection towards his son. For instance he's constantly kissing and hugging him, and it seems excessive. Like kissing him around 20-30 times within 15 minutes of getting home from work. The child reciprocates the behaviors, constantly rubbing all over daddy and kissing him back. Sometimes my boyfriend himself becomes annoyed with his son displaying affection excessively, which frustrates me because I don't know how to tell him that he is the one teaching his child that physical affection is how you show your love to someone. I find myself disgusted at points when his child is "spooning" with him and rubbing all over his chest and body. I feel guilty for feeling this way sometimes. I in no way want to come between him and his child. I love them both greatly. But I was never nearly as physical with my own son when he was the same age and I don't know how to explain to my boyfriend that I feel like he is sending the wrong messages with his displays of he is teaching his son that the only way to validate love is by being physical or saying "I love you" 100 times in an hour. Maybe this makes me sound cold, but I can't help feeling like there are more productive, appropriate, and healthy ways to show children that you love them. Any advice on how to approach the situation? Both internally and externally?


Raye - posted on 03/24/2015




If you feel it's inappropriate (and it does sound strange), then you need to calmly and respectfully bring it up to your BF when the boy is not there. Maybe if you open his eyes about the situation, he will see the behavior is weird and calm it down a little.

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