It's soooooo hard!

Susan - posted on 09/08/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm having a hard time adjusting to being a stepmother. I've only been married 1 year and 3 months. My husband has two daughters 13 years and 1 year old. This 13 year old lost her mother when she was only 10. The 1 year old lives with her mother out of state. All of this is making me a little crazy. Any suggestions?

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Michelle - posted on 09/14/2015

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Has no one else seen the ages of the children and how long she's been married?
If this teen's Father got one woman pregnant then married someone else 7 months later, I don't blame her for not liking her SM. This all after losing her own Mother only a couple of years before.
This poor child needs a lot of nurturing and counselling.

Janet - posted on 09/12/2015

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Maybe the 13 year old just wants your friendship right now and is not looking for a mother just yet. Start out spending time with her and eventually she may feel that she wants more. I was a step-mother in 1987 through 1990. Back then the two step-daughters treated me horribly. After I left the marriage, the older daughter reached out to me when she needed help. Now the younger daughter actually told me I was a grandma. So eventually they will reach out to you.

Evie - posted on 09/12/2015

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Love her the best you can and let her know she can talk about her mother to you. You might find out something they shared that you can still to help bond with her as well her still able to recall her time with her mother no longer with her. The other issue with the one year old, just pray and remember to breathe. Everything will be OK.

Melissa - posted on 09/11/2015

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Breathe.
Remember to make time for yourself.
Consistency and structure with the kids; don't try to be their anything yet just be honest with them and always your true self and the right relationship with develop.
No judgements for anyone in the family.
Clear Eyes and Open Hearts Can't Lose - It's not just for football players.
And a glass of wine in a warm bath never hurt nobody!

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2015

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How long were you dating your husband before you got married? You only got married 3 months before his 2nd child was born so he was with the Mother at least 7 months before you got married.
I'm doing the math because at 13 I wouldn't be happy with someone coming in and marrying my Father after a couple of months.

Jodi - posted on 09/09/2015

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OK, can I just put it to you from this perspective?

1. The 13 year old lost her mother 3 years ago.
2. Dad was with another woman 2 years ago (as evidenced by the fact that there is a 1 year old child) and suddenly she has a sister she never gets to see.
3. Dad marries you 1 year 3 months ago.

Can you please put yourself in the shoes of a 13 year old and then look at this picture?

You CHOSE to marry into this. What is it that is making you crazy? Surely you knew this wasn't going to be easy when you married this man. It seems like things have moved just a little too quickly, really.

STEPHANIE - posted on 09/09/2015

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Remember that no matter what is going on, your relationship with your husband is a priority. Only been married a little over a year, make sure you guys are getting date nights to reconnect regularly if possible. Most newlyweds are not dealing with the stressors you have at home so it makes it extra important to make the time.

My only insight as far as being a step parent that I can share is to remember that the 13 yr old is being hit with a double whammy of grieving her mom AND being a teenager. The emotions of a teen alone can be so tumultuous and adding the grief process, I am sure makes it more difficult. Is she in counseling, maybe even family counseling may be a good idea.

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