It seems like i am always yelling

Kyle - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 5. we also have a 10 month old son. before my daughter was always well behaved, she slowly started throwing LITTLE tantrums around 4 y/o. Well now, It seems like I am constantly yelling at her or getting so frusterated with her i want to pull out my hair. It has actually started falling out (hoping it's not stress). I hate the fact that I can't keep my cool and i always feel like i am being mean to her. She is pretty well behaved in public but at home, OMgoodness she is just horrible. I mean lay on the floor and cry and whine for a half hour just because i tell her she has to change her shirt or something like that. I don't know if it is because of the baby, or she is being influenced at school or what but I am a SAHM and she ALMOST makes me want to go back to work.



PLEASE HELP ME!



oh, I have tried letting her cry but it doesnt seem to have any effect on her.

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19 Comments

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Victoria - posted on 06/12/2011

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Natasha, it means Stay At Home Mom. I don't get most of the abbreviations on here myself.

Victoria - posted on 06/12/2011

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Maybe since yelling isn't working, you should try a different approach. Speak to her in a calm soothing tone and maybe she will react differently. Good luck!

Tracy - posted on 01/25/2010

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Here's a few tricks...
1. Give yourself a time out. Yelling means you've lost control. Put your baby in his crib or playpen, put your daughter in her room and have a cup of tea. When you've collected your thoughts reapproach the situation.
2. I have older children (7 and 10), but this helps...when they fight, act out of line, or have temper tantrums I say "Oh dear. You must be tired. Time for a nap!" I've been doing this for years. They hate it, but it almost automatically makes the situation better. They have to go to their rooms and lie in their beds (whether it's for an actual nap, or just for a 5 second stint I really don't care - it removes them from the negative situation) Your daughter may protest at first, but once she catches onto the pattern she will probably stop her tantrums as soon as you say those dreaded words.
3. Include your daughter when caring for your son. Give her a job - she can be the "diaper monitor", or the "teething agent". She may just feel left out, and if you give her responsibility she will find her new place within your family unit.
4. Make sure you spend alone time with your daughter every day. Play a game, read a book, draw a picture, color in a coloring book. Even if it's only for ten minutes it will make the world of difference!
Hope this helps!

Stacey - posted on 01/25/2010

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Hi, I have a 4 1/2 yr old daughter and a 21 month old son, and my daughter has behaved almost exactly like yours does since she was about 3 yrs old. I have days where i feel like pulling my hair out and feel exhausted from yelling all day and I'm just talking to myself! I think it is a lot to do with jealousy and I have found praising her for even tiny little things helps and doing little one on one things with her like reading a story at bedtime etc also extra hugs and kisses for 'just because' reasons! plus i make her sit on the stairs untill she calms down when she has a tantrum, and it really works! My 2 have got along better as my little boy has gotten a bit older and they can play together better now (and he can stand up for himself with her!) I think its just the way kids are unfortunetly, all mums go through it and it is very hardwork, just try and laugh at the annoying parts and dont worry about it so much, we are all in the same boat :) xx

Raven - posted on 01/24/2010

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I noticed you said up above that she wanted to do everything with your son, like she never wants to be away from him. Though it doesn't seem like it's jealousy, it is. I live in a big household with my sister, her husband, two nieces, mom, dad, myself and my daughter. My oldest niece is almost 4 years old, and she has been acting this same way. Which, for me is a little hard to understand, because she wasn't so bad when her sister and my daughter were so young. ( Niece and daughter are only 6 weeks apart, both 1 1/2 ). But now they're older, she seems to be throwing more tantrums, not sharing with them, hitting them, just all around being a big ole pain in the butt. But I figured out why. Because of all the funny/cute things the babies do, she will do the same thing and not get the same reaction. Or her dad, when she takes something from the babies, he'll yell at her, make her give it back, but if one of the babies take something from her, he doesn't say anything. ( I do not like this ). Things of this sort.

All in all, I guess I'm trying to say, you just gotta give her positive attention the most. If she copies the baby, give her a silly reaction, or at least acknowledge it with a little enthusiasm. And like the others said, set aside some time for you and her, even if she wants to be with the baby, pull her away. I've been trying this with my niece ( not so much spending one on one with her, got my own babe to do that with while I can, this new baby is due in a month! ) but giving her positive attention when she is doing something silly. When I see her helping or doing something good, instead of just overriding it, I say something like "oh good job" or "that was very nice of you". When she uses her manners, ( lately saying "excuse me" to talk to someone if they're talking to someone else ) I say "Wow, you have great manners, that was really polite of you to say that."

I babble alot, please don't mind me. Just got alot to say, LOL. Anyway, good luck! I hope things start to get better for you. I know exactly how it is.

Kiah - posted on 01/24/2010

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hi, have you tried a naughty chair in the corner or send her to her room for 10mins then see if she is ready to appologize n if she isnt, keep her there untill she is. u will have to do this n be consistant with her. hope it works for you, it works for me

Kyle - posted on 01/24/2010

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Lisa,

Honestly, My son is pretty easy. he doesn't really cry unless he gets hurt not even when he was a newborn. I have been blessed with very good kids. She WAS the same way when she was a baby but now I am afraid my son will see her doing it ALL THE TIME and think thats how he should be acting.

Lisa - posted on 01/24/2010

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That's great that she likes the baby that much. Do you think the crying is because she's mimicking him? When the baby cries, you give the baby attention so she thinks that when she cries, you'll give her attention?
It is a horrible stage for you as a mom...take lots of deep breaths when she starts acting up. When my daughter starts throwing a temper, I always get silly and try to change her mood but if she wants to throw a temper, I make her go to her room and throw it.

Olga - posted on 01/24/2010

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I am going through the same thing right now, i have a 4 and a half year old and an 8 month old. my 4 year old cries more than the baby. first i went to the herbal store and got pills that did not make me so angry all the time (Holy Basil) they work for me --- and its tough but we do projects together, we are making a scrapbook of her life, and we go on mother daughter dates to the movies once in a while. we are still in the process of working things out but i noticed a difference when i am not yelling at her all day and we just work at it together. but it does not change in one day, my friend was in the same situation and she said that it gets better when the babies get older. so i am hanging onto that.

Justine - posted on 01/24/2010

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try letting her help with the baby with little things like if you are giving him a bath let her help or ask her to pick out his clothes for the day so she feels not only like she is included or getting the attention she wants but she feels like she is important. toddlers have a different thought track that tells them the new baby might replace her in the family, and showing her that she is needed may make the tantrums stop because she wont be so desperate to keep her place.

Laura - posted on 01/24/2010

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Jealousy! I grew up with 9 brothers and sisters.. Maybe if you include her in taking care of him. Or make time aside for just girlie stuff. I hated my little sister-

[deleted account]

well we are kinda the same way i have a 5 yr neice and i have a 2 yr son and a 5 mnt old son and she is the same as your daughter i found out she need are time alot to. and its becuase she was alown for yrs and now to babys in less then 2 yrs u need to have mom and daught time AS MUCH AS U CAN even if u leve the little one at home with someone and go for a walk it helps

Avni - posted on 01/24/2010

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Hey Kyle,



It seems like your daughter is just acting out to get your attention. If u can plan on some one on one time with her like u used to while the baby is asleep. Have a special bedtime routine. Have someone take the baby for and hour while u enjoy that time with your daughter. The key is Reassure her and explain, how the baby does need more attention but u still love her. Encourage her for all the lill things she does rather than getting frustrated over things that don't get done. Help her with the new adjustment.

Stickers, crafts, sticker story creator, and kids mosaics and sawing helped me a lot. Being patient, lots of encouraging and loving words, is wut got me through.

Gud luck!!!

Nina - posted on 01/24/2010

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i agree with lisa's reply..usually, if a toddler has a baby sibling, they're trying to get the attention of his or her parents..



plan a date with your 5 yr old daughter, only the two of you just to make her understand that you still care for her.. try explaining things to her like "our baby needs me now because he cannot do things for himself yet but dont worry, i'll make it up to you.."
usually, they need a little explanation from us.. =)



good luck! hope it helps.. =)

Rebekah - posted on 01/24/2010

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I went through this with my daughter when we had another child.I learned I had to give her special attention and include her in the baby and I's time together.She helped with diaper changes even, just to feel like she was not losing her place with mommy.It took me a long time to figure out that this was what was causing her behavior.They figure bad attention is better than no attention! Hope this helps and dont forget, Mommy timeouts are great for you and daughter when frustrated.Thats where mommy goes somewhere,closes the door and takes some deep breaths,mine are about five minutes.....then I am able to go back and calmly deal with the situation.By the way, I am a mother of five!

Kyle - posted on 01/24/2010

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I have tried to have someone take the baby to spend time with her but whenever i do she wants to stay with him and doesn't want to do anything without him. Thats what kinda makes me think it is not jealousy of the baby.

Sarah - posted on 01/24/2010

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I don't know if this will help in your situation, but when my kids were about this age I did something that kept them well behaved during church. I made sticker coupons. I gave them a little notebook to keep stickers in and bought a bunch of stickers that they would like. I gave them 5 coupons before church. If they misbehaved they had to give me a coupon back. When we got home they got to pick out a sticker for each coupon they had left. It got to where all I had to do to get them to settle down was to hold out my hand for a coupon. They really didn't like giving them up. Good Luck!

Lisa - posted on 01/24/2010

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I would say it sounds like she is a little jealous of her new sibling? If she is 5 and you have a baby now, she was used to just having you for all of those years. Sounds like she's fighting for your attention.

Maybe try scheduling some time each day for you and her. Coloring or a craft project while the baby is sleeping or bed time stories. If you can, maybe getting someone to take the baby for an hour or so every once in awhile and just the two of you go off and do something.

I always feel bad after I yell at one of my kids. When I do lose my temper, I apologize to them and tell them that what I did was not nice, etc.

Good luck!!

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