IVE STARTED TO HATE GOING TO THE INLAWS!!!

Bubbles - posted on 12/22/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I use to have such a good relationship with them but since ive had my daughter things have changed.when they found out i was pregnant we were living back in the uk but we moved back to france where my boyfriend is from. it is his familys first granchild and first child in the family in 25 years as most of my boyfriends aunties are gay. He's mother is also gay too but living still with his dad like a cover up it is a very strange situation and because of the language barrier sometimes it is difficult to understand. it all started before my daughter was born when we came back to france we had to stay with them til we found a place to live i had given up my job at 3 months where i was managering a team a role with alot of responsibility i had to come back early so i would be covered on the health insurance. it started when my boyfriend got a job and we found a house to move into but couldnt move in for two weeks. my boyfriend was working and still wanted to design the lounge ect his way so i said i was designing the babys room and had explained to his mum that i couldnt wait to design the babys room and go shopping for furniture as i really had the nesting instinct going on which also isnt easy when in someone elses house. a couple of days after this i woke up in tne morning and the father in law said that my mother in law had gone to ikea to look at baby furniture i was livid living in the middle of the country side no friends around no car and language wasnt always easy i was bored pregnant and lonely. his mum was offended when i told him to tell her not to buy anything cos i wanted to do it as a couple just me and the fella as it is our first baby. anyway after that was the birth i wanted just my boyfriend and my mum at the birth and the midwifes said i could only have one person in the room at a time i wanted my mum there as i suffer from depression and panic attacks and because she could calm me down in my own language and help me understand as she speaks french too. i wanted a waterbirth without medication or injections as im scared of needles just when i went into labour my fella said we were going to ring his mum up so she could meet us at the hospital which caused a massive row i told him who i wanted there and he said hes mum had asked him but i said its about me feeling comfortable and unstressed not a open viewing for everyone anyway i won that argument but ended up stressed. my cervix wouldnt open we were there for two days i had no pain relief i hadnt slept at all they tried acupuncture and inducing me but i was too tired and stressed and when they told me i had to have a c section i freaked out the thought of being cut open while awake and the needle in the spine was like something out of a horror film for me i panicked so much anyway if my mum wasnt there i would have never got through it as i was finding it hard to chose having the c section i wanted to be put to sleep but my mum asked me not to as she was scared with my history of depression that i would freak out after cos of not seeing my baby born she was so right too. anyway i hadnt slept for days and his family mothers friends aunties ect all pounded me with visits the whole time i was in the hospital about a week i must of slept only 15 hours in that week even after when my family came to visit for just 2 days they had to show up and try hog my daughter which i thought was quite rude seeing as they can see her whenever where as my family cant after that when i said one visit a week it was like all hell broke lose but with seeing my mum once a week his mum and dad another day and his gran another day thats 3 days a week visits and seeing as he doesnt want any other kids i dont want to have to give up all my mother daughter time all the time. other problem is i wont leave my daughter with them to babysitt as his mum never listens to me when i set rules of how i want my daughter looked after ie not in a travel cot wrapped up in loads of blankets a hat and a duvet. also when i gave my daughter a dummy they kept pulling faces everytime she had it and saying how disgusting it was and i caught my mother in law trying to teach my daughter to suck her thumb which drove me crazy as she knew i hated it and didnt want my daughter to suck her thumb as all her kids did it til they were 12 my fella told her off for this and has tried sticking up for me but it does cause problems cos he is a mummys boy and although hes the eldest his the last to leave home ie only a year and a half ago. the last argument was a couple of weeks ago because i said we wont be coming round for dinner in the night anymore as we always end up leaving at 12 midnight and im trying to get our 5 month old daughter into a routine plus if were there and she stirs they want to pick her up and play with her!! their response to this was if i did what i was doing my baby would never be use to sleeping anywhere else i also argued with them when they asked us to stay the night on xmas eve as they want to open the presents the morning of the 25th but i said this year they have to share with my family so they have one day each and staying over is so much hassle and stress for me when i still got to get up with baby in the night and have to be at my mums the day after especially as we only live 15 min down the road from them!! i have post partum depression i am so tired and i am so not looking forward to spending a whole day and night there for xmas eve even the six hours visit a week is hard enough!!! :( Also ive heard bits from my boyfriend about his grandad doing something to his sister causing her to turn gay too and really anti men i dont know if he touched her or kissed her or what but it was sorted out between the family i dont know enough and because of the language barrier i dont know enough information to trust leaving my daughter at there house and it plays on my mind constantly sometimes keeping me up at night on how im going to find other excuses for them not to babysitt part of me doesnt want to stop breastfeeding as its a good excuse but i cant do that forever i wont let my daughter stay at my mothers house cos i know as soon as i do they will ask when its there turn :(

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2012

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First of all you need to relax a bit and not worry about everyone else. Sit down with your other half and come to some kind of agreement as to how often people can come over and visit with the baby. Come up with some ground rules and stick to them. As for his grandad turning his sister gay that is not possible either you like men or you don't. Abuse does not turn you gay. Deal with your depression go to a doctor and get them to help you with your anxiety and post partum left untreated you are never going to be able to deal with the stresses of life. Tell both sides that you need some space and that after Christmas your little family needs some alone time to bond and really become a family. Tell them if they wish to visit they need to call first to make sure you are not busy.

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Bubbles - posted on 12/22/2012

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thanks michelle thats very helpful problem is because me and the fella are both not working as hes having trouble finding work cos theres no jobs we dont have a reason to be busy and because we have no friends here as i am new here and he is very timid hes mum is hes best friend so you can see my dilema i cant just say im busy :(

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