Jealous bestfriend

Amanda - posted on 11/01/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )




I recentley had a little girl and my bf of 9 years is so jealous it is driving me crazy. She has 2 boy's and they are going to try again but she bought me things for my shower and told me she kept them in case she ever has a girl and she cried at my shower cause she can not wait to get girl clothes. I listen to her talk about her boys all the time and as soon as i mention chloe she changes the subject i feel like im going crazy and really need some advice on what to do....Please help me!!!


Lauren - posted on 11/02/2009




sit down with your friend and talk to her about it, and explain is not normal how she feels and she needs some outside help.
she needs to realise the older the boys get they will be able 2 tell she would rather prefer a girl, she may not mean it but children pick up on how parents feel and treat them!
i feel sorry for her boys they obvs are not getting the full attention/love they deserve if her mind is working overtime and so obsessed with having a baby girl.
wha will happen when she does have a little girl?? i dread to think the boys will feel pushed out, unimportant etc etc

Brenda - posted on 11/02/2009




Sounds like she needs some help, not you. If she is having that much anxiety and problems from not having a girl, she needs to see a counselor, ASAP. Stuf like this does not get better on its own. I ended a friendship when I had my first son because she became so jealous of my child that it scared me. She herself could not have children, and had a host of other issues, but ended up leaving the house she shared with us and stiffing us with a lot of money because she "couldn't stand to be around him". She was unbearable before and after he was born, and I could not take it any longer. She was not a long time friend, however.

My suggestion is to sit down with your friend and talk to her about it, and explain that feeling like she does about her children's gender is not normal and she needs some outside aid.

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BRIANNA - posted on 12/15/2013




That is really helpful and funny to me because I am single and I am 18 and I have one child named Katie Blue

Brandy - posted on 11/02/2009




I am so sorry that would be hard! I have two boys and would LOVE a girl but just as happy with boys lol My best friend had a girl and I started to get a little jealous but then i had to realize is heck shes my best friends daughter i can buy her stuff and see her all i want so its almost like we share kids :) But your friend sounds like she is not handling this at all maybe even some time apart wouldnt hurt? Or even talking to her and telling her your concerns and if she is a real best friend she will understand. Its to bad she doesnt realize that boys are just as much fun as girls :) anyway I hope everything turns out for the best

Sharon - posted on 11/02/2009




OOOHHHHHH her life sucks.

ignore it. She'll get over it. She probably really does want a little girl. If she waits a bit till her her husband is older she'll have a better chance of having a little girl.

You can tease her about how with her two boys, your little girl will have good protectors at the playground etc.

You cannot control her jealousy - at least she isn't being nasty about it. Its a personal hurt for her.

not only that she can have her husbands' sperm sorted for better odds of having a girl. When it comes to gender selection - selection for a girl is easier than selection for a boy.

[deleted account]

I know how you feeI I have a friend who I feel is very envious of me as I have a baby girl and she has boys to be honest I got a little angry and told her that she should appreciate her boys as there are many women out there who would love to have a child regardless of te sex and are unable to she should count her blessings

[deleted account]

You need to find a quiet time to sit down with her and talk to her about her behavior. It sounds like she may need some kind of counseling. While it's normal to be a little envious if you have the little girl she always wanted, her behavior is extreme. She should still be able to be happy for you, and want to know about your daughter. You also need to tell her how much this behavior hurts you. If she can't or won't work on this on her own, and refuses to seek outside help, then you may have to take a break from this friendship. It will be hard to stop seeing your best friend, but right now it doesn't sound like she's being much of a friend.

[deleted account]

Man. This is tricky because you have to wonder what is really going on here. She obviously wants to have a baby girl and now that you have yours it has probably made it that much harder on her. With that said, your friend she be completely supportive of you and your family and enjoy your new baby other than be jealous. Maybe you need to sit and talk to her about this problem because it kinda sounds to me like she might be a little depressed about the situation. I don't know how old she is but I guess it could be immaturity too. I hope things get better for you and your friend.

Megan - posted on 11/02/2009




Honey...this is HER problem, not yours!! It's not like you had a say in having a boy or girl. She should be happy for you as I am sure you were for her. Talk to her about your feelings. If she is a good enough friend to be your BF, then she will see how this hurts you...and will eventually hurt your daughter.

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2009




Thank you all so much for the advice !!!! It was womderful thank you again!!!

[deleted account]

I would gently (but firmly) recommend she find some professional help. It killed me that both my sister and my best-friend had bubs (which they werent ready for) when I would have killed for one - but by god I was overjoyed for them! I spent plenty of time with them and their daughters - I was a shoulder to cry on and a set of proud ears to brag to. That is what friends do. Yeah - sometimes its hard - but thats life you just have to learn to deal with it...which it sounds like she isnt and thats the problem. If she cant deal with it on her own then she needs to find someone who can help her deal with it...especially if she isnt preparing herself that the next bub could well be another boy too

Rose - posted on 11/02/2009




It sounds like your friend is obsessing in her own mind about having a girl and it is impacting on her behaviour in relation to you and your daughter. I agree with the other posters that she certainly does appear to need treatment. It is a difficult situation to be in because you will have to tread very carefully with her. It might help to sit down with her and draw her out, let her tell you everything that's bothering her however, do bear in mind that you have recently had your own baby and naturally your mind is very much full of your own child at the moment. Enlist support from family and friends if you feel it to be appropriate. Good luck with it!

Roxy - posted on 11/02/2009




How old is her youngest boy? I wanted a girl, but love the boy that I have. Sometimes I do cry over some girl things, but I also had Post Pardom Depression. That can start as late as a year after the baby is born and continue on. It is a hard thing. I also think you should talk to your friend and she may need some type of counseling. I was completely against counseling, but I recently had to do it myself and it does help sort out what is really going on. It is not your fault and you should not feel afraid to talk about your daughter, work with her and the both of you will be better in the long run. Ask her how she would feel if she has another boy after they try again as that is a possibility. Each child is a blessing. I was told I could never have kids and chances are i cannot have anymore. It puts a lot into perspective for you, my son is a miracle. She should enjoy the two amazing children she has while working on having a girl. It shouldn't be her only focus in life. Try to do what you can hun, jealousy is hard, but there may be some underlying issues here.

Jane - posted on 11/02/2009




Hiya Amanda,

I'm sorry you are in this situation, as this should be the best time for you without this sort of thing to worry about!!

BF or not, she should be happy for you, and learn to curb her jealousy! Sure she can talk about her kids and how she wants to have a lil girl, but it's not your fault, that you were blessed with a darling little girl yourself.

Your friend should be happy for you, and should want to hear about Chloe. I think it's time for a real honest discussion with her. You need to tell her how you feel, or you will continue to harbour bad feelings towards her, and one day you will just explode!!

I guess if she continues , then maybe you need to reconsider if she is really a friend, as she should behave like a friend and BE THERE for you!!

Best of luck hun

Jane & Cody x x

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