Jessica - posted on 11/25/2016 ( 17 moms have responded )
Hello out there, very desperately looking for some advice! I'm the mother of a wonderful six year old daughter. My ex and I have been separate for three years now. In October my daughter randomly mentions that her father is seeing someone. I call to confirm and he lashes out at me for prying into his personal life. Come to find out they have been dating since early July and he kept that from me. Allowing a complete stranger into our daughter's life with no regard or respect for me. I confronted this gorgeous young woman, my replacement, on Facebook through a private message. I was honest about my dislike of the secrecy, of my concerns as a mother, and kindly asked her to meet me. She messaged back nicely enough, but it turned into a huge drama with my ex resulting in him saying some harsh and godawful things to me. Saying, "you don't matter, you've never mattered, you're a horrible person. I don't pine over you, I'm not your plan b, you could die tomorrow and I wouldn't care." May I add I'm happily engaged and planned to be married within the next year. I haven't pursed my ex since our split, which was initiated by me. I've also come to learn that he has lied and horribly slandered my name to the new gf and everyone on contact with my daughter. Regardless, I AM SOOOOO JEALOUS! She's gorgeous and younger and a teacher and blah blah blah blah perfect. My ex has invited her to holidays and it's beyond painful to see the darn post of my daughter with another woman on FB.Now my ex has the perfect family and I'm nothing just like he said, so simply replaced. My heart is broken. My daughter talks about her so nonchalantly like this is totally fine. IT'S NOT FINE! I love my daughter more than I'd ever be able to express in words. I'm a good mother. Due to my request in court her father and I split our time 2552 and evenly split holidays, he also pays no child support also per my request. I wanted everything to be as seamless and normal for our daughter as possible. No lengthy drawn out custody battle, no demands for money. Nothing but fair and even, down the middle. Why is this so painful for me? How can I overcome it? I feel guilty for not responding with more than a "Hmmmm mhmmm" when my daughter says that woman's name or tells me about all the fun things they do together. I never want to make my daughter feel as though her stories, thoughts, feelings, and experiences aren't important. I want her to forever feel as though she can share with me anything she desires to. How do I stop obsessing? How do I relax and stop making myself sick over this? Please help!!