Joint Custody. Does it ever get any easier?

Stephanie - posted on 05/12/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have been dealing with joint custody for two years. I hate it. I know nothing about my children when they are with their father. For example, I found out my oldest broke his leg when I picked him up. I am not allowed to speak to my children when they are with him, even though I have a court order stating otherwise but nothing is done about it. I have tried my best to "enjoy" my free time and nothing can replace the constant worry I have when my children are not with me. Does this ever get any easier? I went to my doctor when I first separated, that's when the depression started, and I was given medication. Needless to say, I stopped taking it. I was not depressed while I was on the medication for the simple fact that I could not remember anything, not even a simple conversation. I don't want to wash away any memories with medication, drugs or even alcohol. I don't know what to do to crawl out of this hole i fall into after I drop them off. I have moved on relationship wise but I still feel I have this piece of me missing when I don't have them. It has been two years and I am wondering if this is normal or am I out of my mind? It just feels like I can not even commit to another person entirely because I am missing most of myself when they are not around. How do you deal with having your kids taken from you over and over again?

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Michelle - posted on 05/13/2015

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I agree with Jodi, it does get easier. I have been doing shared care for 10 years now.
My boys now have social media and the eldest has a phone so they keep in contact with both parents while at the other house. The one that suffers the most is my daughter from my current marriage. She misses "Her boys" all the time.
I would also suggest contacting your lawyer and discussing the fact that your ex is denying you the phone calls you are court ordered to have. It may just take a letter from your lawyer for him to allow it.

Jodi - posted on 05/13/2015

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It does get easier as the kids get older and they take more control of the relationships with their parents. Especially once they are at an age where they have their own phone and a bit more control over the communication while in the home of the other parent.

However, it sounds to me like you should revisit your custody agreement. You have a right to know about medical emergencies such as a broken leg! You should not need to worry about these things while they are with their father, and of course, if he is choosing not to communicate with you, of course you are going to worry. I would definitely follow up with your lawyer about this situation.

I don't know how old your children are, but could you consider giving them a phone for when they are at dad's house that they can keep somewhere should they need to contact you?

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