Joint custody help

Jana - posted on 10/23/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello, I was hoping there is a mom who is maybe going through what I am going through. I have two boys an 8 and 4 year old. And their whole lives they lived with me and I spent every day with my babies. Just this year court was finalized and the father decided to finally be a father and was received joint custody which was fine till I know am starting to feel the pain. He gets the boys every tues and thur and every other weekend. I understand he needs to spend time with the boys but I feel so alone and have been not doing good mentally without having them every day like I use too. any advice on what can make me feel better. To be honest I have no friends and I do work full time. I miss them so dam much.

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Ev - posted on 10/24/2013

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Jana-

You are welcome for that. I know its hard. I know how much you love those kids. But if they are doing well with the transitions between you and dad and with the whole situation as it is, then consider yourself very lucky that they are doing well with it. Also try to forge a close bond between them too. They are going to need each other as much as they need you too. I was lucky in the fact that my own two were seven years apart and also very close for a brother and sister. She was the eldest and she was like a mom figure to him. Because of that my son was also able to handle things too. He was five when it all came down to the wire. That can also make a difference to them as well. To this day, they are still close. I have never seen two siblings this close in my life time other than them. So close that there are no words to describe it. I also find that after 11 years and so on, my bond I had to start with from birth has grown into something much stronger and much closer than I ever thought. Its because I focused on them and not about having another man in my life. They were for a time my reason for going on. Now I have them for that reason but others as well. Time takes its toll on every thing and makes it better. Just trust in what you have already with your kids and build on that. That and love is all you need to keep it going and strong.

Evelyn

Jana - posted on 10/24/2013

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Yea thank goodness their father lives 9min away I wouldn't be able to let him have them I can't sleep as it is now I cry every day from a broken heart I get them every other weekend plus mond tues and friday and I feel as if thats not enough because of how much I love them thank you for your response

Ev - posted on 10/23/2013

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I have been where you are but I had to let my kids go live with their father and take visitation. It was because he could fight on and on in court with extra resources I did not have. I also did not want them to have to worry about being with me or dad every few months not knowing how it would work out. I let them go because it was more stable for them to know they were in one place and that they knew I was still there. Mine were 12 and 5. It was a hard road for that first couple of years. Every two weeks I would have the weekend and I also had Wednesday evening for a few hours but when the gas prices went up high I had to let it go. I also got half the 4th weekend but for just over night it was still too much money to go the distance I had to go...100 miles round trip each time. I had a hard time trying to find something to do to keep me busy. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I feared their dad would influence them enough that I would loose them that way. I had friends tell me it would get better but they could not know...they did not know my situation. Over time I found things to keep busy, counted down the time to weekends and so on. When I had the kids we were able to do things together and I focused my time on them. After 11 years of this I can say that I am a stronger person for it, my kids respect me and love me, and we are closer. So I do know what you feel. Its not easy but it will get better.

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