Judgments by people without children

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a one year old son named Asher and his father abandoned us and fled to Israel. I am a Christian. I have a lot of people saying that I should have aborted my son because I am not Jewish and if the father did not want to have the baby. I have people telling me this almost everyday. They tell me that my child should have never been him because he was not wanted by the father and it is not fair to Asher to not have a family. Others tell me that the father deserves the choice to keep the baby. What do you think? Is the father to be responsible for child support? Does he need to tell his family the truth about his son?

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Dove - posted on 03/21/2015

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My son (third child... by same man) is 7. His father left us the day he was born and my precious boy has spent a grand total of 3 months of his life in the presence of his father. The single mom thing is rough, for sure, but I do not regret ONE SECOND of my son or his life. Do I wish he had a father that gave a crap? Absolutely, but my son is worth it... my KIDS are worth it... and anyone that tells you that your son shouldn't be here is not someone you need in your life.

You can not make your son's father care and you can not make him be involved. If he WANTS to be... yes, he should have that chance. You should have a court order for custody, visitation, and support... but what the father does w/ his life after that... is all on him and not for you to stress yourself out over. Love and take care of yourself, love and take care of your son. It will be OK. ♥

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Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2015

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Thank you for saying that Jodi. That makes me feel better. I feel like I am going crazy around here. You have described my feelings exactly. God bless you♥

Jodi - posted on 03/21/2015

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I don't know where you live, but to have people around you telling you that you should have aborted your child is awful! What kind of people say these things? I hope they aren't people you consider friends, or even worse, family. When it comes down to it, that really is none of their business and I'd be giving them an earful about how rude and disrespectful they are. Asher has family - Asher has you. A child without a father in their life is not a child without a family - some people are just far too narrow-minded.

Whether your child's father tells his family is really up to him. You can't force him to let his family know about his child. However he should absolutely be responsible for child support. The fact is, he made a choice when he had sex with you that he was willing to take that risk (very small risk if birth control was used) that it could ultimately end in pregnancy. There is no certainty that it won't, there is no certainty that sex won't result in a child being born. He doesn't get to duck out of taking any level of responsibility.

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