Just got back from step son's wedding............ouch!

Justanana - posted on 01/28/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My wonderful husband and I have been married for almost a decade. Both of us had cheating spouses who divorced us for other people. Thankfully, we found each other and are enjoying the fruits of a loyal, honest marriage. I have 4 children from a previous marriage and he has 3.

My children got married earlier and have blessed us with several grandchildren. All of my children love him and treat him like a father and the grandchildren as their precious 'papa'. I have always felt like his children's feelings were genuine about me.

We were there when the new couple got engaged and were somewhat involved throughout the planning. Of course the brides family was in charge.

From the moment we arrived it began. The disrespect toward me was so humiliating. No corsage, left out of pictures and never mentioned my name or acknowledged their dad and me as a couple. It was so hurtful. It was so obvious some of the other guests were noticing and looking at us with pity. We overheard some relatives discussing it.

The whole event was so embarrassing for my husband, especially because my children have always honored him and made him feel loved, welcomed and appreciated. Now we are home and he is speechless other than saying, 'my children are horrible'.

We are not sure how to proceed. The children's mother is very hard to deal with so we assume maybe they were trying to make sure they did not get her stirred up but it is really not a good excuse. She is not nice but to be mean to us is not right either. At the daughter's wedding his ex did some nasty stuff but this time the new bride's family was a part of it.

There is still one more wedding in the future........what in the world do we do? I think my husband is getting tired of it and I really was caught off guard by the disrespect toward me. Do his children not understand it is out of love and respect for me, my children are able to love their dad?

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Justanana - posted on 01/29/2015

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Thank you Raye, that's exactly how it feels. It is cruel especially considering my husband and I never wanted to be 'step' anything. Our ex spouses caused so much pain by their unfaithfulness and now his children are choosing to punish him and me for something their mom caused.

If I had anything to do with their breakup I could understand. I am an innocent spouse and have done nothing but love their dad and I am always polite to their mom.

Otherwise there does not seem like we can say anything right now because if they were mature enough to understand it would not have gone down the way it did. No one could make my children be ugly to their step mom. I have always insisted they honor respect her because it's the right thing to do no matter how you feel. We have gone through 4 weddings without a hitch because we did the right thing concerning all 'step' parents. We consider us all parents.

'Step' parent is such an ugly title and so sad when grown children direct their frustrations at the easy target. I am trying not to get bitter and just forgive them but before going to another wedding we may have to clarify how it will be handled.

Raye - posted on 01/29/2015

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I am a step-mom, and can relate to your feelings. There are some events, like weddings, where more focus is put toward the natural mother and father and we step moms are treated like we have three eyes and two noses. We open our hearts and homes to children not of our blood and love them like our own. Yet, if we show too much affection we're chastised as trying to replace their real mother, and if we're too distant we're condemned as being the wicked stepmother and mistreating the kids. Step parents are put into a very precarious position, and the best we can do is try to maintain some dignity about the whole thing.

I think you should try to talk to them. Don't accuse, but let them know that their actions were disrespectful and hurt your feelings. If they seem sincerely apologetic, then try to let go and move on. If they don't see anything wrong in what they did, then stop having any further interaction with them. You should not continue relationships with them if all you're going to get in return is disrespect.

My ex husband has three moms. At our wedding, his birth mother (mom 1) was not there, but we made sure to get photos with both his step/adopted mom (mom 2) and also his dad and other step-mom (mom 3). Both moms were not of his blood but they were a part of his life, and both of them deserved to be recognized as family.

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2015

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I would ask the couple about it and why you were left out.
It's no point guessing what they were thinking or feeling. Communication is key.

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