Just got Divorced with 2 boys 14 and 8 neef help to raise them in a positive wsy

3 Comments

View replies by

The - posted on 10/24/2014

58

0

0

Find good male role models who will take the time to show your children what being a true man is like. See if any of your family members are a good role model and will spend some time with your children. If not then look into seeing about your children's friends parents and make arrangements for family outings with them and all of your children. Also if you are a member of a church it might be just the place to find out if they have activities for children during the week that have great male examples of being a good man.

Nali - posted on 10/21/2014

3

0

1

I am not dating or will date anyone but I want to raise my 2 baby's in good way. Now my ex is trying to get married again but our kids do not know about that. My older
son still thinks his dad is goin to fix himself and be a good father to them. As my ex had problems with cheating on me and also an gambling addict is the reason for our divirce. So I always try to talk about President Clinton and Press Obama Life As Was Raised My Single mom. But I don't know what I can do to help my kids. As my older is 14 and his harmonal change is hitting him with lil anger and frustration. So can you please help what I can do to help my kids. Thanks

The - posted on 10/21/2014

58

0

0

If you are going to be in a relationship with any one you need to set boundaries of what is and is not acceptable for you both from the start.

Example:

Just Dating:

I would like to get to know you but there is something I need to explain.
I am a single parent and the needs of my children are high on my priority list.
This will include visits from my ex to vist.
This will only change when there is someone that I become engaged to and marry.
There is no physical relations between my ex and I.
We have children together and whatever it takes to insure that my children have both of us in their lives and they grow to be healthy and well adjusted is my main goal as a parent.
If you are in any way uncomfortable with this boundary I understand and feel that we should not pursue a relationship other than a friendship.



This will tell the person you are dating that:

1. You are not in any way going to have a physical relationship with your ex.

2. Your children are your highest priority at this time

3. That there is no room for jealousy or comments on how you should relate to your ex in a friendly manner in supporting your children's needs unless they are engaged or married to you.

4. This also gives them the opportunity to accept your boundaries or not before there is any issues in the future.



REMEMBER: You are the only one that can make the choices for your life and you need to set boundaries before there are any issues in the future.
That way you can better insure your and your children's happiness with a future spouse in your life.


For you and the ex:

1. You both need to sit down separately and write down what you want in your children's lives and what kind of relationship you want with them.
2. You then need to come together and decide to make a set of things that will be consistant in your children's lives no matter which home they are in.
HOUSE RULES: tO have them grow up well adjusted and not pitting mom against dad you both need to have the same rules.
DIET: YOU BOTH NEED TO KNOW YOUR CHILDREN'S HEALTH AND WHAT THEY CAN AND CANNOT HAVE IN THEIR DIET
TREATS: HAVING THE SAME RULES ON TREATS
ACTIVITIES: INSURING THAT BOTH OF YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN THE ACTIVITIES IS A WAY TO SHOW YOUR CHILD THAT EVEN IF YOU BOTH ARE NOT TOGETHER YOU BOTH ARE THERE TO SUPPORT THEM AND WILL BE FRIENDLY FOR THEIR SAKE.
RULES OF CONDUCT: not only for the children but for the both of you as well
a. No bad mouthing each other
b. No treating each other with hostility
c. treat everyone how you want to be treated
d. FORGIVE anyone that has hurt you is the greatest gift you can give yourself even if you do not tell that person you did. But show that you are able to treat them cordially and not out of hostility or hurt. You will gain peace and so will your children by your examples.
e. Do not ever let anyone you are dating or friendship who might consider you datable decide or give you advice on what to do concerning your children's lives. They can be doing so out of jealousy or manipulation. If they are not engaged to you or married to you then they are not a part of your children's future.
f. If you are dating use the example above now it will help you gauge if the person you are dating is going to be worth your and your children's time.
g. Do not let your ex dictate who you can and cannot date. Your ex gave up the right when you divorced. Do not let your ex use your children as a manipulation in your life. It is not fair to the children or to either of you.

Set boundaries of what you will not be in your life or the lives of your children now.
A true friend and those that care for you will not be hurt or angry and will respect you for taking a path of responsibility in your and your children's lives.

With that God bless you and keep you and your children in His will.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms