Leah - posted on 08/05/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
Am blessed to be in a great marriage...finally when i turned 50. My teen w/b entering college soon. Honor student. i allowed her to live w/her dad 3 years ago...my regret however is that i gave her too much space from me...to allow her to adapt and grow...which she did...and then POW....NO MORE NEED FOR MAMMA...so glad she is independent and with lots of good friends...and smart, beautiful and thriving...but little old me is hurting....it is my fault...what was i thinking...maybe low self esteem piled on top of my wounds from my own mother [from way back when]... so i did not want to get in her way...i gave her too much but me not so much....now i suffer because she is to busy to see me...i know i w/benefit via therapy yet i know that if i got out there and made more friends and did things for myself it would go easier...i am a homebody and do for my loving husband...and sometimes for me. i simply would like it if the remainder of the 4 weeks left before her departure to college she w/include me in her agenda....for a change....yes i have hinted and flat out asked her when she is free to reconnect w/me...btw she is only 9 miles away w/her dad. This a.m. she texted me in reply to tell me she 'needed more emotional space'...wthk...3.5 years not enough? Hmmm...i was a single parent w/her for 11 years...maybe too much for her...being a single parent IS an imbalanced situation. Her dad being competitive 'won' her over it seems. Glad she had a good dad, but now that this phase is here...i feel really shoved out now...or rejected? i was stable, always there for her, not too well of $, she played, ate well, thrived---to a point...but then dad won her due to her needs okay yes i get that but then it was a better house, more money, etc. FREEDOM cuz dad was in his own world and let her do ANYTHING she wanted. Okay i am done ranting here. i am trying to grow up more myself but this grief gets the best of me some days.