Just need some encouragement

Christina - posted on 10/26/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I stumbled across this website by typing into google, "How to deal with an Ex that you hate". It's bad to hate anyone but that is the only word I can think of to use to describe the way he makes me feel. The only reason he is in my life is because we have 2 children together. I had a 1yr old daughter at the time we met. Her father was killed in an auto accident before she was born. My ex now has claimed my daughter as his own to this day. She is now 16 and doesn't want anything to do with him. He's mean to her and since our other 2 children were born, he hasn't been much support for her. He even said one time to me that he would not pay child support for her because she wasn't his. She heard him. And I never asked for him to pay anything for her. But he wants to go around sporting the fact that he raised her and been a daddy to her since she was a baby because her father died before she was even born... It hurts her feelings I'm sure but she doesn't let it show. Just One of the many reasons I "Hate" him.
I've been single for a while. I am so busy, consumed with being a mother of 3 and a surgical assistant full time. There isn't anyone here I can relate to so that makes it difficult to make/keep any friends. All I have are my kids, work friends and family. The support I need I am finding hard to find. I am hoping I will find it here.

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Onetraeh - posted on 10/26/2014

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Ugh see I've been in this situation with an ex where the hatred was almost all consuming but I didn't have babies with him!so I was able to pretend he didn't exist until the bad feelings passed;idk how u can manage wht with the co-parenting situation.how awful becuz some of these men turn into completely different people after a break up I swear;I really feel for your kids too it must be just the worst thing for them.r the younger ones @ least quite young?becuz u know I think it's slightly easier on them if tht's the case & I'm sure u do your best & show them lots of love!terrible about the 16 year old girl tho & he should've kept his mouth shut if he knew she was in earshot ugh!& I definitely can understand u wanting to take legal action if he's drinking & driving with your children in the car;tht's incredible tht somebody would actually do tht.anyway for yourself do u get any free time for exercise?u sound very busy but it really might help a lot or boxing!boxing is a great exercise & plus a good outlet for understandable anger;u could even get your own boxing bag to hang in your house & pin a photo of his face on it.tht would make u feel better!well I wish u all the best & stay strong;I'm sure things r going to get better for u

Onetraeh - posted on 10/26/2014

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All I can say is tht in time your hatred will fade of course tht's not a short term solution;I do think tht anybody who hurts a childs feelings as a parent should burn in hell forever tho

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Christina - posted on 10/27/2014

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What a great idea! Boxing... Brilliant! And it will do good because I am really out of shape. My weight is one thing I need to tackle. My children are 16, 11, 8... Although they are growing up and can do for themselves on most things, It's still a job. A job I love though.
Thank you for your Support!

Christina - posted on 10/26/2014

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Thank you for your support onetraeh! I take one day at a time and I try to interact with him as little as possible. It's been a while we have been split up and I think that with him being an influence in my children's life isn't such a positive one, and I'm afraid I will never let that hatred fade. He is hateful to me in front of my kids, has just walked into my home unwelcomed until I finally put a stop to it, has drank and drive with my kids in the car, and argues with me about child support or extra medical expenses I need his help with. I am taking some legal action on him soon and I should have done it a long time ago. I am hoping it will put a stop to his abuse. It just bothers me because I just wish we could co parent harmoniously. That's what you work for everyday as being a mom. To shield your children from negativity. Sadly, that negativity is my children's father and I feel helpless in that aspect. And I feel the sadness my children have because of it. They love their father

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