k.nj

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Firebird - posted on 08/02/2013

2,660

30

521

Get a lawyer and file for custody and a supervised visitation schedule for the child's father, file for child support, get a job and apply for daycare subsidy. I'm not sure where you live but you may also qualify for subsidized housing. Women's shelters can help you get information on how to achieve everything I've suggested. You need to leave the abuser and carry on with your life.

Regina - posted on 08/04/2013

3

18

0

Go home to parents, get legal help or a womans shelter. There is help and hope for you.

Lynsey - posted on 08/03/2013

1

0

0

i have been in your situation, the best thing i did was to go to womans aid they sorted everything out for me and i made some really good friends there, i know its hard but with support and someone that understands u you will be fine never look back just look forward and dont let anyone put u down. hope this helps.

Jodi - posted on 08/02/2013

3,561

36

3907

Calling someone rude is attacking them. I also wasn't necessarily referring to you, but people in her real life. I found it incredulous that no-one has told her that she has a right to child support.

Child support is not what ties you to someone. Having a child with them does. That person will ALWAYS be that child's father, whether you like it or not. So the "boyfriend" will always have the right to take her to court for custody whether she likes it or not. In fact, the child has a right to get to know its father. Period. Believe me, if this boy takes her to court for visitation rights, he will get it. He might not do it now, but he might do it 5 years from now. You are tied to this person for 18 years regardless of child support. Going for child support is the sensible and mature thing to do. And to be honest, so is getting court ordered custody and visitation.

And her OP was asking for advise. That is my advise. Get a lawyer (you may qualify for legal aid), get yourself custody with only supervised visitation and file for child support. Just because he still has access to the child and is paying support does not mean you have to have anything to do with him. If he continues to harrass you, get a protective order for yourself. For years, I only communicated with my ex through text message. We arranged visitation through text, and exchanged through a community centre (neutral ground). We have communicated by post when necessary. In 14 years, I have seen the man only a handful of times, and spoken to him on the phone maybe 7 or 8 times. That's it. Nowadays, my child is much older, so he makes the arrangements himself, but I am just saying that with a mature approach, it is perfectly possible for your child to have a relationship with its father without having the abuser in YOUR life.

Holly - posted on 08/01/2013

6

0

0

Thanks but I am taking responsibility. If your going to be rude you don't have comment on my post.

27 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 08/02/2013

3,561

36

3907

This isn't about you Courtney. I was giving the OP advice, not you. I have no interest in getting into a discussion with you. You chose to engage me, not the other way around.

My advice to the OP stands. The child is entitled to a relationship with his father. You need to talk to a lawyer, and set up visitation (if necessary, supervised, but you will need evidence for that) and child support. If he chooses not to take advantage of visitation, then that is his choice.

Also, you need to check on the laws in your area, because where I live, if you choose not to claim child support, you can forego any family benefits or bonuses that are paid to parents by the government. So basically, if you choose not to claim child support, you can't claim government benefits. So it really depends on where you live. Ultimately, however, it is your entitlement.

Courtney - posted on 08/02/2013

18

0

4

And I sent you a private message as to avoid this girl having extra stress on her.

Jodi - posted on 08/02/2013

3,561

36

3907

From what the OP has indicated, he isn't an abusive PARENT he is an abusive partner. There is a difference.

Courtney - posted on 08/02/2013

18

0

4

First. I will call him whatever I wish. and don't assume I was saying she should illegally keep her child from him. in the country were in they take parental rights away from abusive parents! Lastly I want you to know I'm not a "politically correct" person so I won't change my wording because you don't like
it!

Jodi - posted on 08/02/2013

3,561

36

3907

I didn't use the term "harassing". I suggest you reread my post.

And legally it isn't HER decision as to whether her child should have contact with his father. It is the court's decision. This is why we have a family court, because the parents cannot possibly remain objective about the situation. You don't have the right to prevent a parent from seeing their child unless you have a court order saying so. The OP has NO court order, so by suggesting she stop her ex from seeing HIS child you may be suggesting she break the law. In many places, unless you have a COURT ORDER saying he doesn't have any rights, then sorry, but he actually does. In fact, believe it or not, in some countries, the father has automatic 50/50 rights to the child (like where I live). If you want that to be different, then you need to take it to court. So please, get your facts straight. If you choose to sleep with someone, and then have a child by that person (whether planned or by accident), then you BOTH have responsibilities and the child has rights. This is why I suggested to her she talk to a lawyer, which is more than anyone else here has done, including yourself.

And please don't use the term "sperm donor" in a derogatory way. It's right up there with saying "well that's gay" to describe something you think is stupid. Let's face it, sperm donors (in the actual literal sense of the word) are contributors to society. Don't dilute that. This person you speak of is your child's biological father. Unless you actually collected his sperm from a sperm bank, then he is not a sperm donor. He is a biological father who has nothing to do with his child (and maybe a deadbeat because he also doesn't pay). True sperm donors don't deserve to be insulted.

Courtney - posted on 08/02/2013

18

0

4

Why would someone want ing contact with an abusive person? I would get rights taken away if I were her! My sons sperm donor is in prison for now but he has no legal rights to him once he is released.heir child have

Courtney - posted on 08/02/2013

18

0

4

Whoa woman! I attacked no one! And what you said wouldn't have been rude if you chose your words more carefully! And I did not assume anything! Also child support does tie you to someone in one way or another! But lets play nice as this was neither of our question in the first place!

Jodi - posted on 08/02/2013

3,561

36

3907

How is asking a question rude? She has every right to child support! I have been in an abusive marriage, so please don't assume I don't know how this works. The child support does not keep me tied to him, I am not sure why you think that is the case. It has been 14 years. It is simply a legal process and I did not have to have anything to do with him directly. Please, get your facts straight before you decide to attack someone.

Courtney - posted on 08/02/2013

18

0

4

Jodi when you're abused child support keeps you tied to your abuser. my son and I have never and will never get child support. he has a real father figure in his life and holly seems like she just wants out of the situation . you shouldnt be so rude!

Jodi - posted on 08/01/2013

3,561

36

3907

Has anyone thought of advising you about the obligation called child support?

Courtney - posted on 08/01/2013

18

0

4

Great! I'm glad to hear that! I hope everything just gets better and better for you!

Holly - posted on 08/01/2013

6

0

0

Thank you Courtney I'm staying with my good friend now she's helping me get bac on my feet (:

Sara - posted on 08/01/2013

5

13

0

Go on welfare. If you don't want your child around all that horrible behaviour take responsibility...you're the reason the child's around that. Remove you and your child from the situation there are lots of places that offer assistance to women and children who need support!

Holly - posted on 07/29/2013

6

0

0

Thank you so much for this if means alot. And It really helps that you have went threw the same thing. I'm in Florida in pasco county

Courtney - posted on 07/29/2013

18

0

4

There are shelters to help dv victims. I had to find a way around it because I couldn't stand the idea of my baby being hurt. it may be hard in the beginning but I'm positively sure you can do it! Where are you from? I can look into ways to get extra help where you're at!

Holly - posted on 07/29/2013

6

0

0

I wish it was that simple to just " leave" him if I leave I would have no way of paying my bills

Courtney - posted on 07/29/2013

18

0

4

I have been in a very similar situation. things won't change and will only get worse. this BOY will manipulate you and make you believe his lies over and over. please get as far away from him as you can. my situation was also dv while I was pregnant. also had restraining order that was lifted hoping he would attempt to be a father. my advice to you is to get away from him and never look back. your child is much more precious than that.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms