Nabi - posted on 01/12/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
My son is now 5 and I'm still deciding whether I should keep his father away from him for good but I'm still unsure what to do. I've been living with his father almost a year before he was born and our relationship has always been rocky but I at the time loved that man and after I found out I was pregnant I had tried to make things work for us as a family. Throughout the years this man has disappointed not just me but mostly my son but I bite my tongue and try to put up with it because I don't want my son to be without his father. No matter how bad this man treated my son my little boy always is drawn to him. He'll always tells me that he loves his daddy. Which brings me to tears each time.
I grew up with a single mom and I know just how difficult it is to be both the child and the mother and I really don't want this for my child, definitely not for him to feel the way that I had felt. But, as much hope I held to this man for him to do better he would always disappoint us. It's of course isn't entirely his fault. I'm the one who allowed for all of this to happen. So who can I really blame now?
I don't know who to talk to or where to go. I don't want to burden my mom who's still struggling to live on her own while still taking care of my younger sister. All my other so-called relatives or friends are too caught up with their own lives to bother and give me a hand. I'm not so close with this man's family to really rally for help. I've been a stay-at-home mom who don't have even a H.S. diploma, driver's license or much of job experiences. I'm working my way to obtain my GED and working to get my driver's license right now so that I can get the job that is stable enough for me to move out on my own to take care of my son.
I'm not here for anyone to take pity for me, I just want to let it all out for the very last time and also want to ask for anyone's opinions on this. I'm sure I am not the only one who's struggling like this. I just want to know if it is wrong of me to decide to not let my son be around his irresponsible bad influencer of a father. I may still have a lot of bitterness towards this man but I don't want to let my bitterness cloud my judgments.
As a child who was neglected by her father I know how it feels and do not wish for my son to struggle like I had. But after learning of how much of trouble my biological father have caused them while he was in their lives and not mines I no longer hold resentment towards my mother who was the one to walk out and not letting us (my younger sister and I) be near him. It did took me nearly 20 years to come to know this and that is why I don't want my son to blame me or even hate me once he's older but I just don't want my son getting hurt by his father both physically but more so emotionally. My son is also at the age when he's learning alot from the both of us. I wouldn't want my child to be influenced into gambling, drinking, hanging with the bad crowds!
I'm thankful to those who'll be replying to this and I am sorry for such a long post. And to those mothers out there who happened to come across this and are in the same situation may God be there to help you through this difficult time. God bless you. God bless us all~