Kids that aren't mine...overstepping my bounds

Brandon - posted on 12/28/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

4

0

0

Hi Moms!

I found myself in a tough situation after losing my wife to throat cancer back in 2005. I have been by myself since then. I was married twice, once when I was 19 and again at 24. I stayed married to the wife of 20 years until she died. She had a daughter whom I loved and continue to love to this day. In the course of my life I met a divorced mom of two wonderful kids. I fell head over heels in love with the mom and her kids and was very fearful of telling her how I felt. I did everything with her, spent time, watched her children, we grew very close..then one day she just jumped out of my life. She tried dating other men but never has found the right guy. The kids still love me with all their heart and I have contact with them regularly and she doesn't prevent it. I want to do what is best and right for this situation. I work in the school where the kids attend and see them almost every day. Ocassionally I pick the kids up and bring them to grammas house. I guess it hurts me more to know I'll never fully be in their lives but I don't want to just disappear either. I love all three but don't want to be selfish and hurt them all. I have been told that I should break off this relationship immediately by male friends who don't evidentally understand kids. The real father of the girls is none exsistant and won't take them on his visiting days. They come back glad that they don't have to stay with him. The girls are 8 and 10. Can anyone steer me in the right direction? I know that mom's always seem to have the right words...but if I'm overstepping my bounds I need to know and act gracefully and with love.

Thanks

Perplexed

4 Comments

View replies by

Brandon - posted on 12/29/2012

4

0

0

Im glad for your post, it reveals to me what i felt in my heart of hearts. Thanks Dove!

Dove - posted on 12/29/2012

11,760

0

1349

Those kids need you and if you can still be a part of their lives and STAY in their lives regardless of the relationship (or lack of relationship) w/ their mother.... keep it up.

[deleted account]

Actually, If it were me and I were in the situation of being a divorced mom with children.. I have 6 of my own as we speak.. Not divorced however.. But if I were.. And my children's father has nothing to do with them.. and then I met a nice man whom loved me and my children.. and then we just didnt work out.. and my children really cared about this man..you of course..I wouldnt stop my children from seeing you at all. As long as I knew that everything was good between the two, that nothing wrong was going on.. Which here, I see a man who loved a woman with children and this man excepted the woman with children and wanted them all.. Well it takes a "real" man to be that way. If the children wants to continue to be around you and the mom has no problem with it. And these children's maternal father has nothing to do with them...it sounds like to me that these children are looking at you for being their father figure and that helps them through life to have a male rolemodel in their lives.. When a father disappears and has nothing to do with them and then suddenly a man appears in their moms life and theirs and they become attached.. More than likely these children was hoping for you to be their dad and that is why they are still wanting you to be around them.. They look to you as their dad..

You know a dad isn't a dad by blood.. It takes a real man to be a father.. And man out there can be a father.. but it takes someone special to be their dad.. If you know what I mean.. You are fathering these children wether you realize it or not.. As long as these children are in your care and the mother allows it.. she is making you responsible for them.. so she must rely and trust you with her children. While they are in your care.. continue to treat them as if they are yours and if you see something wrong .. you need to throw your input in there. It would be like daycare.. when a child is in your care...then you are responsible for them... for their wellfare and all. SO when these children are in your care.. treat them like you would your own.
YOu seem to be a very great man and these children are lucky to have you in their lives and the mom of these children .. well she isnt too smart to let someone like you go.. But the ole saying is..when you let something go and it comes back to you, it is yours to keep....
Just a thought..
But, good luck and thanks for being one of the few men out there that is upright and honest. As for your male friends.. no, I wouldnt listen to them.. oviously they dont know much about children and true love in that matter.. Love is in your heart to want to keep on being around these kids and for wanting to be their for them.. They will be grateful to you when they get older.. and to me it sounds like that has already started.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms