Kids that stink as adults

Cathy - posted on 11/24/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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What is wrong with our grown up kids? Well I have a selfish son who only throws me a bone when he needs something can anyone relate Im sure. So her is how I see it we need to pull ourselves togeither and live our own lives I know how hard that is but it is true. Everytime they look at us they see us as their parent who keeps trying to help them and run their lives so here is it in a nut shell cut it out. I am probably the worst of supportive loving parent and maybe I have done more damage than good I think not but who really knows. My husband died 2 years ago and my son has told me he drank because of me and now that is why he is drinking and of course I don't want him to drink so he has to blame someone. He has a nice girl friend and he seem not to like her showing me any attention wow amazing damed if you do and damed if you don't. Well it is Thanksgiving and I am very very Thankful that I have what I have and that at least my son is working and seems healthy I do have a great deal to be thankful for. I now know I must make a new life for myself and this is no easy thing at my age 66 years old but I know I must if for nothing else so show my son the whole world does not revolve around him. He will I am sure someday look back and appreciate all that he has and all that I did for him but that will not be while I am alive. So hang in there moms and hay lets not leave out dads kid do a number on them too. I pray and pray that is what my mom did and that is all we can do so don't give up and remember you are a great person and you are loved by God.

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Cathy - posted on 11/25/2015

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Hi Sarah,

Jason learned all the wonderful things and he is still learning at 26 years of age but we must remember that there are other influences all around and they get in the way. I am sure you heard of a dog eat dog way of life with all of the competition around them they take on a different attitude sometimes. This attitude flows over to the family because they don't leave it at the office and soon very soon maybe all you taught them is forgotten or pushed away.

Sarah I hope your child is different but from what I have seen especially in the competitive work place it is really hard.

I can only hope that when he gets ready to have children he will need to be a softer more loving person to his wife and children and eventually understand where I was coming from as his mom.

I think is girl friend understands and she is great she has alopecia and has lost her hair at 22 years of age she wears a wig my son loves her anyway he loves who she is inside and so do I. I know she will help to soften him up at least I sure hope so.
Well take care oh by the way animals help to soften the spirit so maybe a dog or a cat will be a good thing I have 2 dogs and JC sure loves them.

Take care
Cathy Helgerson

Sarah - posted on 11/25/2015

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I am sorry, I don't get this at all. Children are egocentric by design. We teach them patience, gratitude and fortitude. Maybe my kids aren't old enough to have me feel they "stink" yet. My 19 yo so far seems on target, but who knows maybe I don't know the real him?

Cathy - posted on 11/25/2015

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Hi Jodi,

I agree with you my son was running around trying to get out the door to go to the store he was so busy with everything he finally said to me what is it going to be like when I have children how will I manage?

I just laugh about it and thought to myself you haven't seen anything yet just wait Jason tell you have your children and see how strong you have to become.

Yes, our children owe us nothing and it should be that way not just with our children but with other people we help. The giving is done out of love for our children and for other people who need our help. My son will need my help all of his life I am sure because life if hard and I will give my help to him but he needs to not just care about other people but care about his family and that includes his mom. I can not make him care but I am sure life can make him care and I know it will.

Thanks for the comment

Cathy Helgerson

Jodi - posted on 11/24/2015

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Our children should never believe our whole world revolves around them, even when they are little. It is not healthy for them - they need to know that their parents have fulfilling lives too, outside of them, AND they need to realise that they are not the centre of the universe. The time to teach this to them is not when they are adults, but when they are children, so they can learn to be less selfish and more considerate of others. Of course we teach them that we love them, but parents should have lives too! We, as parents, also shouldn't expect that they should "owe" us. They don't owe us anything.

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