Last name

Mindi - posted on 01/17/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm confused on what name I should give my new baby. My two kids and I all have my ex husbands last name. The father of my unborn child are on the verge of breaking up. Things are not good. I don't know what last name I should give this baby. Would I be able to just give it my maiden name even if I don't go by that name any more?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/21/2014

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Leslie, please do not encourage something that could be (and in most areas IS) against the law.

Having someone "else" sign the BC is illegal in most areas. If this "uncle" or whomever signs the BC is ok with being on the hook for child support...do you get the picture?

Last name doesn't matter. BIOLOGY already connects the child to it's paternal family.

Leslie - posted on 01/19/2014

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Absolutely, you should give your child your maiden name. WHATEVER you put down on the birth certificate becomes that child's legal name. Though you don't go by that name any longer using the name for your baby will attach them legally to your family. Do you have a male family member with your maiden name who could sign the birth certificate with you? This will protect your child further from your soon to be ex's family trying to take the child from you. Giving the child the father's name would give him legal right to the child - visitation, custody, etc. - without going through too many hoops. Without his last name the baby wouldn't be able to collect any kind of child support, but also you wouldn't have to deal with his father either. BUT if he wants the child to have his last name and he shows up at the hospital claiming to be the father you may not have a choice. Check your local laws.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/17/2014

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Well, you shouldn't give it the last name of a man that isn't it's father.

And, depending on the laws in your area, you may HAVE to name the father that you're breaking up with, whether you like it or not.

You should very definitely leave the relationship, and if you have proof of abuse that could warrant supervised visitation for him, get that arranged, but you may not have a choice on last name, depending on where you are located.

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here you give the baby your current last name, whether it's your old married name or not. I needed my man there to sign paperwork, otherwise she would have had my maiden name since I hadn't taken his yet. My mil gave her son her ex husbands last name. He is not the father but she never went back to her maiden name so her son ended up getting her exs name instead of her maiden or his dads name.
So I think it matters more on what your name is at the time of birth.

Nadine - posted on 01/19/2014

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Why don't you give the child your maiden name?

(I'm not sure how to laws work for you in your area, where I live it's illegal for people to take their spouse's last name.)

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2014

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Why can't he take care of it? He is still the father.

A last name is just a last name. I can't say whether you can give it your maiden name or not (apparently the laws differ depending on where you live), and you sure as heck shouldn't give the baby your ex's last name, I'm not seeing the issue of giving the father's last name. At least then, the child will have the same name as either its mother or father - that might be important to the child one day.

Mindi - posted on 01/17/2014

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Nope it's because I'm in an abusive relationship. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this mess, and I don't have a problem with him seeing his child. I just don't think he should get the honor of it having his name when he can't take care of it now and it's not even born yet.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2014

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To me, that makes no sense when the child has a father. Why don't you want to give the baby its father's name? Is it because you are avoiding putting him on the birth certificate in order to avoid him claiming his rights?

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