Last name change

Ashleigh - posted on 07/20/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )

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How long does the father have to be gone before I can change my kids last names? The relationship ended because of physical and mental violence. He has alcohol and drug abuse problems and has been MIA for awhile now with no interest in seeing the kids. Which is fine with me for I don't want them having any of his bad traits.

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It honestly depends on what state you live in. In Texas you can go to any county clerk office and ask for a name change packet. It will have to be sent off and a court date would need to be set for a judge to sign off on a name change or not. Every case is different and you do not always have to have a lawyer. Most of the time if your children have not seen a parent in a time frame of like 1-3 years the residing Judge will grant a name change. Especially if you can get his records or a criminal history on him that can prove he is a danger to your children then the judge can have his rights signed away completely without giving him any notice or obligation to your children.

Ev - posted on 07/20/2016

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That is fine but just check all your options and leave none unchecked. Also you might want to seek looking into the visitation and so on as well.

Ashleigh - posted on 07/20/2016

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I know it's not the name she just wants to be the same as me. They never see him. I don't even know where he is. He isn't with his girlfriend anymore because he beat her up and threw her down the stairs and ever since has been missing. No phone calls or anything. His choice not mine.

Ev - posted on 07/20/2016

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As was said, check with a lawyer in your area and see what the process takes to go through. It could be quick and easy or it could take time. Just depends on the laws. And dad might have a say in that too so definitely ask about that. The point still stands that no matter what names your kids grow up with---it is what they are taught and what they witness in the home that teaches them the good and bad habits. I have raised two to adulthood and they lived more time at dad's house than with me. They saw their dad become verbally abusive like to their step mom and almost physically but she also gave back what he gave to her. This came from my kids mouths not mine. So my son knows how not to treat a woman because I got to him first and my daughter knows what not to take from a man.

Ashleigh - posted on 07/20/2016

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Thank you. The only reason I'm looking into this in the first place is my 8 And 5 year old would like to have her name the same as mine. More my 8 year old my son doesn't really know him.

Ev - posted on 07/20/2016

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And like I was trying to point out....a last name does not make a kid learn bad habits or traits of one parent or the other. It is what a parent teaches the child or children. I never said it was bad on your part just pointing out my points.

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2016

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Like Ev has said, a name doesn't make a person act a certain way but you have to go to court to change a name.
There is no amount of time that has to go by before changing a name, you just have to petition the court.
Contact the family court in your area and ask them of the process.

Ashleigh - posted on 07/20/2016

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Is there a reason for the need to correct me on everything I'm saying here? I had a simple question...... The "father" is gone and has no interest in our kids. This is HIS choose as I had no problem with them seeing him as long as he was not drinking or doing drugs and that his girlfriend was present. This is also after a court appointed slow integration of visits back into their lives after being absent for 2 years. He doesn't want them it was his girlfriend pushing him to see them. I had a simple question and you have made it into something bad in my end. You are not in my shoes and have no idea what mine and my kids lives have been like with him and moving on from the abuse.

Thanks anyway.
Have a good day.

Ev - posted on 07/20/2016

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{Traits as in I don't want my daughter to think it is okay to get beat up and my son to think it's okay to beat woman. That's what I mean.}}

-----Those are things that parents teach their kids. Name changes to not change what a child learns about life from their parents. I think you mistaken name change and what they learn from you or their father as the same thing. The name does not make the person so much as what they are taught.

{{ He was removed from the premises by the police after trying to snap my neck and that's not the first time he tried to kill me.}}

-----He was removed for his actions against you then.

{ My daughter was also puking everyday from the stress of him being in the house, which I was taking her to specialists trying to figure out what was wrong, which I didn't realize until 2 months after he was gone when I realized she had stopped puking and trust me I was balling my eyes out.}

-----Your kids were exposed to his abuse of you and that is where they could learn the traits as you call it. Have you had the chance to file for custody, child support and visitation? If not you need to. And just because he was abusive to you does not mean he will be to the kids but if you think he is a danger to them and can prove it in court, get the evidence and provide it so you can get visits supervised by the court.

{ Also when I found out by my mother that he was abusing my daughter. She never told me and told my mother after he was gone. I do have soul custody, which I received 3 hours into the very first court date which was supposed to be all paper work. He just signed them away. There were visitation for him for one night every other week, but only in the presence of his girlfriend and that my daughter had her iPod so she could message me if anything was going wrong. Both of which are in court order, but now that he has beaten up his girlfriend he is nowhere to be seen.}

Good that you have the court ordered sole custody. But a third party should have been court appointed not the girlfriend.

But again, names changes mean nothing as he is still the father of these kids. No matter how much you dislike him or the things he does, as long as you teach the kids the way people should be treated then that is what counts.

Ashleigh - posted on 07/20/2016

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Traits as in I don't want my daughter to think it is okay to get beat up and my son to think it's okay to beat woman. That's what I mean. He was removed from the premises by the police after trying to snap my neck and that's not the first time he tried to kill me. My daughter was also puking everyday from the stress of him being in the house, which I was taking her to specialists trying to figure out what was wrong, which I didn't realize until 2 months after he was gone when I realized she had stopped puking and trust me I was balling my eyes out. Also when I found out by my mother that he was abusing my daughter. She never told me and told my mother after he was gone. I do have soul custody, which I received 3 hours into the very first court date which was supposed to be all paper work. He just signed them away. There were visitation for him for one night every other week, but only in the presence of his girlfriend and that my daughter had her iPod so she could message me if anything was going wrong. Both of which are in court order, but now that he has beaten up his girlfriend he is nowhere to be seen.

Ev - posted on 07/20/2016

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Ashleigh---How can you say you do not want them to have any of his bad traits? These kids have half their DNA from dad and they may exhibit some of their father's genetics later on in life bad or good! As for a last name change, it has to go to court and has to be a good enough reason for the judge to change them and it is quite costly and long drawn out process. A last name does not give the kid a bad trait of the parent. A lot of that is genetic or learned behavior.

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