lazy fiancè

Kelly - posted on 08/29/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I live with my fiance and his teenage son. Both refuse to clean up after themselves. When I ask them to do so, they smile and agree but it never gets done! My fiance also refuses to cook. Its exhausting just thinking about all that I have to do by myself. What can I do to get them motivated to help me?

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Michelle - posted on 08/30/2014

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My point was that if he hasn't listened to you when you have asked him nicely to help then stop doing things for them. If they want takeout then fine, you don't have to have it. If you don't do their laundry they will soon figure out how to use the washing machine.
You've said that you have tried asking them and talking to them and it hasn't worked, you need to do something else.
Maybe treat them like children and do up a chores chart. I really don't know what you want us to say, you just come up with excuses.
I work full time and have 3 children. My husband does his own and our daughters washing every week, my 13yo and 10yo do their own washing and I do mine. My husband will cook dinner if I am working late. A marriage is a partnership and if you don't have it sorted out now it will get worse when you marry.
My ex husband expected me to do everything and that's one of the reasons he's my ex. Just because you are a woman and a "neat freak" as you put it doesn't mean you have to do everything.

Kelly - posted on 08/29/2014

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Going on strike isn't an option. Lol. Im not trying to start a war. I have allowed this to happen. I useto be the a huge neat freak but after two years of living with messy boys, I've learned that I can't do everything and that a clean house is a sign of a wasted life. I just ask that I'm not tripping over computer cords, shoes in the middle of the walkway. That I dont have to do everyones laundry, dust, sweep, do dishes, make the bed, clean the toilets, make dinner, clean up dinner, feed the animals..... the list goes on and on and its overwhelming. I stopped cooking this week unannounced and we've had takeout 4 nights in a row. I tried to talk to my fiance in a loving way about this. I didnt call him out or say it was his fault but I just told him that I feel alone in running the house. Oh and just a sidenote, I am 24 with no children of my own living with my fiance and his 14 year old son. I work full time and am completely his equal.

Chet - posted on 08/29/2014

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First you need to figure out how much of this is about their being lazy or taking advantage, and how much is about your each having different standards.

Some people have a higher tolerance for clutter. Some people are happy to snack and eat peanut butter sandwiches and they don't care very much about cooked meals. Some people don't wash clothing until they run out of underwear? Does your fiance put pressure on you to cook and clean, or are you putting this pressure on yourself?

I don't exactly agree with going on strike. I think it's fair to say that you feel overwhelmed, and that you have to stop doing certain things, but I think people deserve some warning when things are going to change.

Also, you may be able to ease them into helping more by doing things together. Cook together for example. Tell your fiance that you're starting the washer now and ask he can strip the sheets off one bed while you do the other bed.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2014

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Go on strike, seriously! Only cook for yourself and clean up after yourself. DON'T do anything for them and hopefully when there are no clean dishes and their stomachs are empty it will kick them into gear. The easiest way to do it would be to leave for a week or 2. Go and visit friends or family but if that's not possible then stash away what you will need. Make sure they don't use your plate and cutlery.
When they ask you why they don't have any clean clothes tell them the laundry fairy is on strike so they need to learn how to push some buttons on the magic machine that washes clothes.
People will only treat you the way you allow them to, stop being a slave and don't let them treat you like one.

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