Leaving abusive relationship

Cc - posted on 07/28/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Has anyone here had to leave an abusive relationship suddenly? How did you do it? Did it turn out well? Any regrets?

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Nadine - posted on 08/01/2016

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When I left my ex-husband I waited until he left for work. I packed up a suitcase and the kids' favorite stuff. Then (I think he knew something was up) he came home early. I had to hide at a neighbour's house. I called a shelter to find they had no beds, and by this time my ex was pounding door to door on my friend's homes. Luckily a local gentleman who lost his daughter due to domestic violence funded women in danger when the shelters were full. I was holed up in a motel room for 2 days. It had no security, so I literally spent those days sitting in a hotel room, until they had room at the women's shelter. I am grateful every day to the lovely man who may literally have saved my life.

From my expereince:

Make sure you have a place to go.

Do not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help from people you can trust.

pack as little as possible, because the longer it takes him to realize you are gone, the more time you have to be in a safe and secure environment.

Debra - posted on 07/28/2016

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I have and my advice to you is do not let him know. You wait till he goes to work and you get out. Forget material things they can all be relaced. What can not be replaced is your children. Did you know he can take them first and its not kidnapping if hes on the birth certificate? My husband did...and I called the police. They said Mam he is the father theres nothing we can do go get an attorney. Of course you know you cant afford one because these kind of men make sure you have no finacial stability without them. ...Get out quietly, go to a shelter and wait for leghal papers of custody before you let him near thoes kids. Thats my advice from sad experiancee

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Sarah - posted on 07/30/2016

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WINGS is a great foundation to help Women In Need Grow Stronger; they can provide you a safety plan and a haven to live in until you get things sorted out legally. make sure before you leave you have copies of tax returns, BC, social security cards, school record, marriage license...everything you can think of, make a copy and give it to someone you trust 100% to keep safe for you.

Cc - posted on 07/30/2016

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Thank you. I've been reaching out to different people who can help, including a religious organization that's going to look for families that can take in the boys and me for a little while. It's crazy how much I've opened my eyes to about the relationship that I've been denying for years. I am so controlled and didn't even realize it. I've always felt like I don't have opportunities to go see friends because I'm always home with kids while he's out (every evening-he always finds an excuse) but he tells me it's my fault and that all I have to do is make plans. But he knows that at this point I have no friends because I haven't had time for anyone. When I finally did start saying I wanted to go out there would always be some unforeseen circumstance or argument about something unrelated that would keep me home. Or he would say of course I can go out but he has to do something later so I'd have to be back by this time. I felt like I was independent because I was making my own money but I don't get any of it because I pay every single bill including his cell phone. He'll convince me to put some bills to the side so we could purchase something that usually benefits him and even though I think I put up a fight he would always win and because of these instances my credit score has gone down about 100 points in the past 2 years. He's also cheated and had a baby outside of our relationship. He's been physically abusive towards me even while I was pregnant! I am absolutely 100% confused as to how this all happened and why I am still here. It's crazy how I still have doubts about leaving! Sorry for the lengthy post but I feel like the more I say out loud or write out, the harder it is to deny the reality of it. I really appreciate everyone's response...I'm really in a bad place emotionally so it's very encouraging.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/29/2016

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Yep, I agree. Local agencies will be able to assist you. They will also be able to assist you with applying for emergency custody orders for the boys. You CAN do this!

Cc - posted on 07/29/2016

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There boys. I actually am the one who is making money and pay all the bills so thank God I am not in a situation like that. I actually think he's struggling emotionally and he takes it out on me a lot. Things will be fine for a few weeks, even months and then he'll just start getting mad at little things for days at a time and most arguments and up physical and in property damage. There are holes in my walls, broken doors, broken cabinets, etc. He's also embarrassed me in public by throwing my purse in the street, yelling at me in public places, etc. I'm getting depressed and it, of course, comes with psychological abuse as well like making me feel down. Ive missed days of work because of arguments. I don't want my sons to see it anymore. I was thinking of leaving the state, but he is so in love with his kids it would break him. I'm realizing that I need to be more worried for the boys' mental health than his. Thanks guys....I am trying to make plans without telling him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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Cc, please keep us posted!

We understand if you cannot communicate often, but please keep us updated.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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All I can say is that you do not give him any indication that you are going. You may have to leave stuff behind, but a local shelter can help facilitate the escape.

Yes, it works out. It is not easy, but you CAN DO THIS!

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2016

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Call a local crisis center or hotline and ask for advice. The staff there can give you careful steps to prepare and depart from the home safely and seek a safe place to stay. Can you tell us more? Do you have children?

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