Leaving my child's father.

[deleted account] ( 19 moms have responded )

A little under a month ago, I decided to leave my seven year old sons father. The relationship was always rocky but I believe in finishing what you start...but in this case after 10 years I've had enough. 4 years ago he left me and my then three year old son to be with another girl. My son was devastated as was I. He saw him twice in 7 months and didn't seem bothered by it but in the end we decided to give it another try and now here we are. I feel so guilty but then again I don't except when my son says I miss daddy. I told him it's funny that when he has another woman he could care less when he sees his son but now that I made the choice, I'm the bad one. I told him he can have every other weekend but he doesn't like it. Am I being reasonable in this decision? Any advice would be appreciated!

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Jodi - posted on 06/13/2016

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Living in another town is only a barrier if there is a significant time/travel issue. Just being in a different town is not a reason for not having a 50/50 arrangement. I agree with the the other poster who stated that if dad is more available during the weekdays, maybe something can be worked out around that.

Ultimately, you both owe it to the child to work out for your child to have equal time with each of you as best you can. Telling you ex how it is "funny that when you have another women you could care less" is ultimately just point scoring. You have absolutely no reason to make a comment like that and you are lowering yourself by saying it.

Like others said, get court orders for visitation/custody and then stick to it. But don't make it about you making the decision. It's not your decision.

Nadine - posted on 06/13/2016

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Let the courts decide. But if he is available through the week and you are not, perhaps he should have more time through the week.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2016

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Go to court. Get it sorted. You both should have EQUAL time.

Ah, I see, once again, that the OP has tucked and run because we gave her truthful answers and didn't sugar coat that she needs to grow up and be an adult about this whole situation.

Pisses me off when people can't do that...

[deleted account]

He actually lives in another town and our son is in school. I work 6 days a week and barley get time with him myself because when I go to work he's still at school and when I get home...it's bed bath and homework in a matter of 30 minutes. The weekends are the only time that I get to spend the afternoons with him because I get off early so I would like a weekend with him too...but yet he still knows that while I'm at work he can come see him or even take him out for a bit if he wants but he's saying we wants every weekend and I don't think that's fair considering my work schedule

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/12/2016

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Why do women always think that they get to dictate when father's interact with their children?

Yes, I'm a mother, so don't even start...

What are your court orders? I'm thinking you don't have any, correct. You do not get to dictate visitation. Go to court. Get it sorted.

Michelle - posted on 06/12/2016

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You should go to court and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out. That way everyone knows what is happening.
I have been doing 50/50 shared care for 11 years so I do think that just "offering" every 2nd weekend is very unfair!
Why do you get more time that the Father? What gives you more rights? Just because you gave birth to him doesn't mean you have more rights. If it wasn't for the Father you wouldn't have your child. You are BOTH responsible for raising your child.

Jodi - posted on 06/11/2016

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If you live close enough to each other, why is 50/50 not an option? It's actually not really your place to dictate the terms of his visits. What is he wanting?

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