Left abusive relationship, now he wants to see our son... HELP

Fernanda - posted on 09/09/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son's father was very abusive towards me. Verbally mote then physical. The last week I was at our house, he sht the gas and power off on me and the baby. so we were forced to leave. He had no idea where we were going and didn't speak to me for 3 weeks. Then he demanded to see the baby. we met at a playground and the next day he blew up my facebook telling me how much he missed me and how it was for him to stay away from me. So i blocked him. I told him that the next time he wanted to see the baby he had to go to my parents house and be supervised. another month went by and i find out he's back with his other baby momma. It broke my heart because no matter what he did to me, he still was the love of my life. I just knew i deserved better then him. According to him he's changed and he's not even wanting me at this point, he just wants to be a part of the babys life. Now all these thoughts are coming back to me about how careless he was towards me and the baby that last week we were together. It took him this long to see the baby, why should i let him in his life? and also hes a huge pot smoker. this was a big problem when we were together. i came home from work one time and he was smoking next to the baby. It kills me that him, such a horrible person is doing so good now with his new girl, and im stuck thinking about this ALL THE TIME. and it also kills me that everyone sees him as "the good guy that cant see his baby because she wont let him" I just wish people really knew. And I wish i could move on with my life and my baby, This is just horrible. Any advice as in how to let him go? should i let him see the baby?

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Mardi - posted on 09/09/2013

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You need to get yourself some counselling.....its gonna be a long lifetime sharing this baby with its daddy.

take things one day at a time and deal with things as you can. your confusing your relationship with your childs relationship with their father. IT wont be and easy road, so get as much help as you can along the way.

Your ex and you didn't work and he used emotional blackmail against you, I get that. That isn't to say he wont be a great daddy for your child (you picked him for some reason to start with).

And just remember honey, Karma comes in mysterious ways.......lol my ex will live in his forever, and while some of temporarily fooled, most aren't for long,.

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Kia - posted on 06/18/2014

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He's bein a nice person right now with her. But trust me all the stuff he did to u he is goin to do to her. It's just a matter of time. She's just a rebound to get over you.

Mardi - posted on 09/09/2013

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For your own peace of mind you need to get custody orders sorted out, if for nothing more htan to say your child is in your care most of the time.....I know different states have different rules over there (i'm in aus), so work out your best approach for your state.

Your first instinct is probably your best, you just have to make sure its not your emotions driving them and its really a mothers instinct kicking in. You know him, you would be the best judge of him and you would see if he had changed or not.
If you dont want him to have unsupervised contact for a while, make sure you have a back up plan so it doesn't have to be you all the time (supervison centre or close friend/relative). If things get volitile because your the one supervising, you might have to work out if thats in your childs best interest.

Fernanda - posted on 09/09/2013

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Thank you, I appreciate your response. I guess I'm going to continue to let him see the baby as long as he is supervised. I don't trust him or the environment that he's in at all. He's a tattoo artist and has really bad habits. I have this thing where before he takes the baby with him, I want remake sure my son talks so he can tell me where his dad takes him. It would kill me to find out he's taking the baby to bad places...

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