Legal

Katie - posted on 08/31/2016 ( 21 moms have responded )

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So I live in California and my boyfriend has 60% custody of his daughter and full soul legal custody. And his baby mom is telling him she is taking his daughter from the 3rd until the 8th... What can we do or what will happen if she does not meet us at the designated time and date for us to pick up the child. Basically how there schedule is is that my boyfriend drops her to her mother on Tuesday at six until Thursday at six and then Saturday at six until Sunday at six. However the mom will be breaking court orders if she keeps the child from the 3rd to the 8th.

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Michelle - posted on 09/02/2016

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Clover: This is about 2 days extra. It would be more beneficial for the child to let the Mother have her extra 2 days. Why drag it through the courts everytime she wants some extra time? There will probably be a time that the Father will want an extra day or so.
I think the parents have to step back and think of the child instead of themselves. A child is not a possession to be fought over.

Clover - posted on 09/02/2016

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If you have notified her via email (or some other way in writing) and she is still saying she is going to withheld the child during your co-parenting time, file a motion to enforce the court order. If she withholds the child from being picked up/dropped off at the correct time, call the police to assist the pickup/drop off. Have a report filed if she still does not release the child and go straight to the courthouse to file for an emergency motion reporting her in violation of withholding the child.

This should help her understand that it is important everyone respects the court order in place to create respect for one another as you all go through this together for the best interest of the child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/01/2016

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Well, all I can say is that that the ladies responding are pretty much correct.

I do have to point out that you are going way overboard, and you are potentially obstructing a Co parenting situation by throwing a blue fit over 48 hours difference. What does your boyfriend want? After all, it is HIS kid, and HIS coparenting here...

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Sarah - posted on 09/04/2016

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On a total tangent...
Michelle W. I love the word pedantic! My mom had an amazing vocabulary and when I see seldom used words I think of her!

Sarah - posted on 09/01/2016

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I don't know why the mother asked for the extra time, but if she has something special planned, why not let the child enjoy that time with her mother? This is a holiday weekend and maybe mom made travel plans. If this was her weekend, she would have the child Friday evening thru Monday (since it's a holiday). Then she would have her Tuesday thru Thursday as well. So even if you cut the weekend short and expect the child back Sunday evening, she'd be leaving to be with her mother in less than 48 hours anyway! If you expected the child back Monday evening, it would be less than 24 hours before she went back with her mom. What is the big deal? Geez, this poor kid.....according to your profile she is 5. If you think she is unaware of the pettiness and bickering about days, hours etc, you are way wrong. What is best for her? Really, is it better for her to flip-flop between homes over the next week just because the order says so? Why not just let this little girl go and enjoy some time with her mother?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/01/2016

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Being a parent and having shared custody is NOT black and white. There will be times where both parents would like extra time with their daughter. Like I said before, if she starts taking advantage of extra days, yeah sure go back to court. But my main point is, if your boyfriend does not let her have the extra days now, when he needs/wants them for a special occasion, she will be less likely to allow him the time. Children are not a possession, they should not be fought over. Don't be a puppet master. Let your boyfriend decide how to handle his ex, and make the decisions about his daughters care.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/01/2016

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If this is something that constantly keeps occurring and she starts taking advantage of extra days, yeah it is an issue. Having the child for a couple of extra days sometimes can be completely reasonable. There may be times the father wants to take the son on vacation, or do something special, and if you guys are not lenient every now and again, don't expect her to be. You have to be reasonable. Taking her back to court for a couple of days that she would like to have her daughter might be really unnecessary. Think of this before you take action. This is not a pissing contest over a child, this is extra time she wants to spend with her daughter. Be fair.

Michelle - posted on 09/01/2016

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Now in regards to your question, with just the information you have posted, yes you are being unreasonable. We don't know that full background because you haven't told us and we don't need to know. Just be mindful that people will respond going on the information given.
If you have a reason to believe that she won't return the child then all you can do is report it to the police if she doesn't. I wouldn't be taking her to court for contempt just because she wants the weekend that has been agreed to.
The best way to co parent is to be flexible! I have done it for 11 years.This Sunday is Father's Day but my weekend, I have just spoken to my ex and asked him when he wanted the boys. Just be mindful that if you want extra time down the track, you have to ask her. Do you want to be pedantic over a day or so now?

Michelle - posted on 09/01/2016

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***************Mod Warning**********
Katie: you have posted on an open forum and there is NO NEED to be abusive and call people names. Please read the no T.H.U.M.P.S. policy that you agreed to when signing up.
Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

Jodi - posted on 08/31/2016

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Wow. Showing your maturity there, Katie. Way to get respectful advice.......

I already told you what your boyfriend can do about it. But honestly? You haven't given a good reason why she shouldn't be permitted to have this extra time, and if your boyfriend really wants to file contempt over 2 days extra that the mother is requesting for no other reason that "it isn't in the court order", then yes, that is going overboard. And more than likely won't get you any results other than a judge being annoyed at it being dragged back into court for petty reasons - they don't take kindly to that. Not to mention the costs involved. If it was happening all the time, then yes, go for it, but this is a one off by the sounds of it.

If you are thinking "can we call the police", well, no you can't. They are unlikely to do anything over a one or two day overstay - it's a civil matter.

I don't know how old this child is that is involved, but 18 years is a long time to be this nitpicky over things.

Dove - posted on 08/31/2016

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For two days when she has 40% physical custody? No... it's not. It's petty and pathetic. If that's how you guys want to be... have at it, but unless the child is going to be harmed by the extra time... it just makes you look ridiculous.

If your boyfriend really wants to nitpick over the time he should call his lawyer and see what the lawyer suggests.

Katie - posted on 08/31/2016

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The issue is due to her breaking court orders. and yes it is something to go nuts over.

Dove - posted on 08/31/2016

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Is it really worth going nuts over? Does the child want to go and will the child be safe and enjoy the time?

Jodi - posted on 08/31/2016

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I get that, but why does it matter so much that she doesn't return the child for the Monday? I'm not understanding the big deal. Is there some legitimate reason that this is a problem? Or are we just being picky?

Katie - posted on 08/31/2016

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Normal custody between them is that the mother gets the child Tuesday at 7 until Thursday at 7 and Saturday at 6 until Sunday at 6. And every three months each parent can "choose" to have the child for a full weekend. Jen the mother is requesting her every three month " weekend " however she is saying she is taking the child from the 3rd until
The 8th.

Jodi - posted on 08/31/2016

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OK, I'm officially confused. What has her request for this additional time got to do with him having a weekend? Is this supposed to be his weekend or something? Or is this the weekend she wants a full weekend, which then doesn't make sense sending her back to dad for just the day.

You haven't really explained it very well. But it sounds like a bit of a one-off. Why is it a problem? Is it just because it isn't in the court order, or is it causing some kind of inconvenience for someone?

Katie - posted on 08/31/2016

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So basically every "quarter" they get a full weekend with the child. However since he has her the days he does for regular schedule, when he requests a full weekend with the child it falls on him having her from Thursday night until Tuesday night.

Jodi - posted on 08/31/2016

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Is there some reason she isn't sticking with the schedule this time?

If your boyfriend really wants to push the issue, he could file for contempt if she breaks the court orders, but I'd find out why she is wanting a different schedule this time. It may be a reasonable request.

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