Legal kidnapping

Tasha - posted on 12/15/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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It will be 2 years in January of 2010 that I have not seen my two boys (this is the end result of Post Partum Depression) and now I am fighting in court to keep my rights!! What do you do when the courts, child services and therapists and lawyers do everything in their power to keep you from your children? Is there anyone else that has gone through something similar? Their father is a fireman and their stepmother is a social worker.......I am stuck and in need of some support more so than advice!!

21 Comments

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Jens - posted on 03/21/2013

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Hi,

I'm a dad of a six month old baby. 3 months after the birth of my son Jack me and my wife went to Ireland for the holidays. Suddenly she decided to stay in her homecountry and caused an incident which lead to me being kicked out of the parental house.

While I was waiting on a hotel for her she flew back to my country and emptied the house... She made a false statement at the police station and she deregistered my son at the city council house and threw away his medical record. On top of that she destroyed the fridge and some walls in the house.

Since that moment any contact with my son has been denied. Nobody answers the phone, nobody answers mails... The only thing I could do was starting judicial procedures to get my son back home in Belgium. I suppose my wife is suffering from a severe post partum depression.

I'm sure 'll win the judicial procedures but currently it's hard to cope with the fact that I haven t seen him for three months.

But here is the issue... How do I have to deal with my wife once I've won the judicial procedures and when Jack is back home. Do I have to forgive her and trust her so she possibly abducts him again one day? Currently she is spreading lies in order to justify the abduction.

Please understand the left behind parents as well. We are traumatised of the actions of the abducting parents. regaining trust afterwards isn't easy. Some mothers are angry because after they abducted their kids and the judicial consequences followed by that weren't in their favour. Never forget that the left behind parent had to start judicial proceedings in order to restore contact with their kids. It's not us to blame... It's the abducter whom we lost confidence in.

The only thing I want in life is to make sure that after the judicial procedures my son will never be abducted again. This mainly for his well being. If court denies my wife any contact with him then so be it. She shouldn't have abducted him in the first place. I hate it when agressors play the victim role afterwards. Because the abducted kids and the left behind parters are the real victims. currently I have to work loads for paying my lawyers and when I come home the house is empty... In the evening I'm sad because I haven't seen my 6 months old son for 3 months. He will not recognise me, he will have changed a lot. His evolution of the last three months have been taken away from me for life.

We fathers love our children as well. A post partum depression is never a reason to abduct our kids!

Charlotte - posted on 08/29/2011

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My heart goes out to you! I have created a community for mums cut off from their kids to get support and/or advice. It's called Mothers of kidnapped kids. I have been separated from my 3-year-old for just a month but it hurts like hell. I can't imagine how you've kept going for 2 years!

Earica - posted on 12/18/2009

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I have so much I would like to say to you however with your custody case being open I don't think it's a good idea that you are having this conversation on the internet. I know you need support, help and advice however this could hurt your custody case.

Sharon - posted on 12/16/2009

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You are either going to have to hire a lawyer or get educated about how due process works.

If you never actually did anything wrong and two people who are obviously biased are giving unproven statements as facts, the law should be on your side.

I've seen cases where the judge just does what he wants and people are to poor to fight back. They give up. They get screwed. Most never recover.

You said you have a baby girl now. You aren't obsessing over this past case are you?

I can't imagine you can just give up now that you seem to have some strength back. But you can't let it consume your life either.

I suggest you get a lawyer. OR start calling every womens help center you can find and ask for help. Call lawyers and find out who does work for free for charity.

Get all your paperwork together. Starting with your divorce decree, doctor notes, statements of treatment and progress. the lawyers will need these.

I hate dealing with the government.

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Amy:

This reminds me a little of what's going on with one of my best friends brother. There situation, however is reversed, the father is doing his best, and the mother doesn't care for the child. She even is dating a sex offender and kidnapped the girl, the mother that kidnapped the girl's mom actually payed for the father of the girl to get the girl back! Granted it's a little different, but still.

A few things I've learned from it is that since the father has most of the rights that he's not a horrible father to the child (and by this I mean he treats the child well and provides what the child needs). That is one thing that may be hard to deal with. I didn't catch where you were from, but if your in the united states they tend to favor the mother, in other countries that may not be the case.

The fact that you have another child that you take very good care of should help the situation, because they see that you are doing a good job as a parent.

Any time you go into court, follow the rules, and do everything to make sure they know you are doing your best, and that you have since "changed", etc. Any form of acting out in court will only make it worse.

I hope everything works out well for you! Just remember to stay calm and positive about the situation, it may take time, but hopefully soon you'll have your oldest back.



Thank you for the positivity!!! I have learned to take it in stride!! I will conyinue bto jump through there hoops despite no relief!!! I miss my boys and I hope to be reunited with them soon!! Once again, Thank you and Happy Holidays...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Amy - posted on 12/16/2009

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This reminds me a little of what's going on with one of my best friends brother. There situation, however is reversed, the father is doing his best, and the mother doesn't care for the child. She even is dating a sex offender and kidnapped the girl, the mother that kidnapped the girl's mom actually payed for the father of the girl to get the girl back! Granted it's a little different, but still.

A few things I've learned from it is that since the father has most of the rights that he's not a horrible father to the child (and by this I mean he treats the child well and provides what the child needs). That is one thing that may be hard to deal with. I didn't catch where you were from, but if your in the united states they tend to favor the mother, in other countries that may not be the case.

The fact that you have another child that you take very good care of should help the situation, because they see that you are doing a good job as a parent.

Any time you go into court, follow the rules, and do everything to make sure they know you are doing your best, and that you have since "changed", etc. Any form of acting out in court will only make it worse.

I hope everything works out well for you! Just remember to stay calm and positive about the situation, it may take time, but hopefully soon you'll have your oldest back.

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2009

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Tasha, keep hope alive. Be the best mother you can be when you have your boys. Keep a diary to "talk" out your feelings. always be compliant too. whatever program that yu have to work to get your babies do it. and don't be overly sad, that is ultimately what some may want. Pray too.

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Charlene:

I am sorry you are dealing with this and yes, this is going to take years to get through and resolve. Please, no matter what other outside issues you are dealing with, take time to do some things for yourself. Get into some counseling or a support group and surround yourself with some very positive people. Take the time to go to a movie now and again or something else you enjoy with a friend. If you have a church you attend, get there as often as possible. If you don't attend church, find one, meet with the pastor. You need SOMETHING to take you out of your situation; something that brings you pleasure and is non-destructive. Find at least one positive friend that loves you no matter what, tells you the truth and is fun to be around.

I know that this must be consuming your every thought. Through everything I have been through, I know that you need to let go of everything that is not helping you or your children. That includes the thoughts that hold you back from living. No matter what is happening now, you need to find a way to be happy where you are and with what you have and not wait to live until things get better. That could be a very long time. No matter the odds, you can do this.

I will be praying for you and your children. Take care.


Now you brought tears to my eyes!!! Thank you so much for posting a comment.......you are my angel of the day!!! I am atually at the point where i can pray for their father and stepmother!!! I pray everyday that GOD will touch my boys and let them know that we all love them! I have since given birth to a baby girl and it is easier but then it's not because I want her to know her brothers so I show her their pictures and talk to her about them!! I have a support system now and I have incorporated GOD into my life now more than ever!!!! T hanks for the prayers and GOD Bless!!!!!

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

There is a woman who killed both of her kids because PPD. Several women. What happened that the law felt they could take your kids?

A fireman and a social worker and you are?



What happened........I'm the one that had the meltdown!! I had 3 days a week with them until I stood up and calle DCF on one of his family members!! I have since given birth to a baby girl so I stay home with her because my fiance' has a job that supports us well! With what I'm going through, I am not willing to let her go to a daycare!! If you've ever dealt with the court system they are not always right!! I have been in front of one judge 3 times in 2 weeks and it seemed like he was bipolar because his demeanor was not the same all 3 times so my case got mixed judgements!! I have let go and let GOD....I just wanted a take on my situation!! I know people that dine with presidents, senators adn congress personnel...I know people from every walk of life and I get the same response all the way around and it is......YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO BE SEPERATED FROM YOUR CHILDREN!!! I have 2 adults that know ow to manipulate the system and have done so to the best of their ability!!

[deleted account]

I am sorry you are dealing with this and yes, this is going to take years to get through and resolve. Please, no matter what other outside issues you are dealing with, take time to do some things for yourself. Get into some counseling or a support group and surround yourself with some very positive people. Take the time to go to a movie now and again or something else you enjoy with a friend. If you have a church you attend, get there as often as possible. If you don't attend church, find one, meet with the pastor. You need SOMETHING to take you out of your situation; something that brings you pleasure and is non-destructive. Find at least one positive friend that loves you no matter what, tells you the truth and is fun to be around.

I know that this must be consuming your every thought. Through everything I have been through, I know that you need to let go of everything that is not helping you or your children. That includes the thoughts that hold you back from living. No matter what is happening now, you need to find a way to be happy where you are and with what you have and not wait to live until things get better. That could be a very long time. No matter the odds, you can do this.

I will be praying for you and your children. Take care.

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting linda:

havent seen my son in 8 years and I know how you feel. Just tell the court that your children Have the right to both parents and you are willing to have counselling with your children to make the transition smoother. other than consulting a lawyer not sure how you can use the system to your advantage so that the children know both parents. My ex new wife has done the parental alienation road with me and has money so it has been hard to fight. Good luck



I am so sorry to hear that...I have jumped through every hoop that they have placed before me but there is always a counteraction! I was willing to pay a facility to supervise visits and make a videotape...when he was informed of this, he told the tehrapist that they were having nightmares and wetting  the bed (this could have happened because maybe they miss me). I have two people that know the system and is willing to do almost anything to keep me from my kids because they want me out of the picture!!! I pray that both of our situations turn around because kids need both parents!! Good luck to you as well!!

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Betsy:

If you want honesty, it's hard to say without the facts of the case. What is the reasoning, and it has to be more than a diagnosis of PPD. With the courts, child services and therapists involved, it doesn't make sense that the mother wouldn't even get supervised visitation unless there were issues that deemed contact, even in a supervised setting, to be unsafe for the children. In these cases, they always set up a plan for the non-custodial parent to follow steps to get to the point of receiving visitation as the goal, whether that be drug rehab, parenting classes, anger management, psychological therapy, etc. You would have to give more specifics of the situation and why custody and all visitation were terminated originally, and the process for reclaiming those rights the court has laid out by recommendation of child services and therapists involved.



I had 3 unsupervised visits a week until I called DCF on their cousin.....it went to hell from there!!! You get judges that have personal feelings about an issue and they let it cloud there judgement!! I have not been told why I can't see my children outside..the father feels that thi is best!! Him being a firefighter and his wife being a social worker the system feels as though they wouldn't lie! I have never tried to kidnap them from school.. yet and still that's what the therapist is being told!! The court will not hear the whole story!! I did nothing to go without seeing my kids!! I didn't abuse them, I suffered at the hands of a master manipulator that when things didn't go his way he used his resources and took my kids. When we were together (married) he wanted me to stay home...I DID!! When we were done, I had no skills, just a high school education and nothing to fall back on....so to the courts, who was more qualified to take care of the kids? Him...the firefighter who would never go through PPD if he tried!

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Rachel:

i cant start to imagine how you must be feeling, im not going through trying to keep my girl. but i have ppd too. i hate the feelin i have when im away from her. do you get to see your boys at all? have your ppd gone or are you on meds to control it? i would hate to be in the same place you are right now right round the holidays, keep your head high hunni and dont let anyone tell you that you are a bad mum for having ppd, its not something people can predict so why they are trying soo hard to keep them from you i dont understand. be strong and stay safe xxx



it was a mild case and I had a slight meltdown...they were taken after I called Child Services on his cousin and it snowballed from there!! THis is a battle between adults...he wants them so he can say he did it all!!! He is the ultimate control freak....I don't se any reason to keep children from a parent unless they werea danger!! Thanks for the well wishes and I wish you well!!

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting Alicia:

I have to ask what resulted in them taking this action? You said its the end result of postpartum depression, but what did you do for them to be able to take your kids away? Im not trying to be nosy but its hard to offer advice in this situation when all the facts arent presented? Also what state do you live in? All states have similar laws and rights for mothers in your situation.


After asking him to provide a daycare for the baby and he did not I removed myself from the household...NOW LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR, I DID NOT ABANDON MY KIDS.....I CONTINUED TO CARE FOR THEM I ACTUALLY TOOK CARE OF THEM MORE THAN HIM! I REMOVED MYSELF FROM A PERSON THAT WHEN ASKED TO CHANGE A DIAPER HE ASKED"WHAT, I GOTTA PLAY MOMMY NOW TOO?" OR WHEN THE BABY WOKE UP HE WOULD JUMP OUT OF BED AND ASK "WHY WON'T THAT LITTLE BOY WON'T GO TO SLEEP?' He was fine, I moved back in!! But he wanted to be with who he's with now (come to find out that he was dealing with her while we were married)!! When he decided that I had done all that I could do for him, he moved in with her and picked them up one day and I didn't see them for 8 months....after fighting in court with him and our divorce was final I received unsupervised visits with them 3 days a week from Nov '07 to Jan '08...I called Child Services on his cousin after my then 3 year old told me that she allowed him to play with her naked breasts and called them chocolate chip cookies...this came after touching my breast and my mothers as well!! After getting some advice, we came to the realiation that this is something that a 3 year old would not come up without prompting!! When the investigator called me, I told her what happened she was all gung ho to help until she realized that their stepmother was a social worker...she closed the case without doing a full investigation and that's when my visits stopped and the lies started( I tried to kidnap them from school, I was inappropriate with them). Yes, I might have made some not so great decisions but I did what I thought was best when I had my nervous breakdown and I had no support because at the time he alienated me from my friends and family!! But I did nothing to have my rights taken away! I tell you what, I bet you Rusty Yates wishes that Andrea left the children before she drowned them in their tub!

Tasha - posted on 12/16/2009

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Quoting jennifer:

i have not but working in the justice system i have seen it....i would say that my best advice is that you go into it with the attitude that anything that gets you time with your boys is good enough for now, i would not bash or belittle the step mother or their father, after all they have been raising and loving your boys. and like all things it will take time for the boys to get to know you again and you should acknowledge that and show that you have the patience and the time to go through that and that you are mentally able to handle that.....i dont know if that helps but i will pray for you...



Thank you for your prayers, but I can't help but  to tell the truth which would be belittling their father and their stepmother!! They do everything in their power to keep me from my kids...whenever the court decides to try and allot parenting time, there is a reason why it shouldn't happen!! They have lied and told the therapist that I tried to kidnap them from school, the children's attorney used to go to church with my family and with whatever personal vendetta she has she has not done her job and is petitioning the courts to take my rights!! I suffered from Post Partum and instead of helping me...he drove me over the edge so that he could take the boys and say that he took care of them!! They tell them that I don't want them (this comes from what the kids tell a family member that I still talk to)!! The only way that I can grow is pray for them(father and stepmother) and ask GOD to keep my babies in HIS sight!!! Once again thank you for the prayers!!!

Sharon - posted on 12/16/2009

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There is a woman who killed both of her kids because PPD. Several women. What happened that the law felt they could take your kids?

A fireman and a social worker and you are?

[deleted account]

havent seen my son in 8 years and I know how you feel. Just tell the court that your children Have the right to both parents and you are willing to have counselling with your children to make the transition smoother. other than consulting a lawyer not sure how you can use the system to your advantage so that the children know both parents. My ex new wife has done the parental alienation road with me and has money so it has been hard to fight. Good luck

Betsy - posted on 12/15/2009

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If you want honesty, it's hard to say without the facts of the case. What is the reasoning, and it has to be more than a diagnosis of PPD. With the courts, child services and therapists involved, it doesn't make sense that the mother wouldn't even get supervised visitation unless there were issues that deemed contact, even in a supervised setting, to be unsafe for the children. In these cases, they always set up a plan for the non-custodial parent to follow steps to get to the point of receiving visitation as the goal, whether that be drug rehab, parenting classes, anger management, psychological therapy, etc. You would have to give more specifics of the situation and why custody and all visitation were terminated originally, and the process for reclaiming those rights the court has laid out by recommendation of child services and therapists involved.

Rachel - posted on 12/15/2009

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i cant start to imagine how you must be feeling, im not going through trying to keep my girl. but i have ppd too. i hate the feelin i have when im away from her. do you get to see your boys at all? have your ppd gone or are you on meds to control it? i would hate to be in the same place you are right now right round the holidays, keep your head high hunni and dont let anyone tell you that you are a bad mum for having ppd, its not something people can predict so why they are trying soo hard to keep them from you i dont understand. be strong and stay safe xxx

Alicia - posted on 12/15/2009

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I have to ask what resulted in them taking this action? You said its the end result of postpartum depression, but what did you do for them to be able to take your kids away? Im not trying to be nosy but its hard to offer advice in this situation when all the facts arent presented? Also what state do you live in? All states have similar laws and rights for mothers in your situation.

Medic - posted on 12/15/2009

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i have not but working in the justice system i have seen it....i would say that my best advice is that you go into it with the attitude that anything that gets you time with your boys is good enough for now, i would not bash or belittle the step mother or their father, after all they have been raising and loving your boys. and like all things it will take time for the boys to get to know you again and you should acknowledge that and show that you have the patience and the time to go through that and that you are mentally able to handle that.....i dont know if that helps but i will pray for you...

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