Let daughter and her husband share a bed while visiting...

Loraine - posted on 07/04/2017 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I do not want to, but she is "at a loss for words," as she said. They married two years ago, but I still feel as though MY HOUSE MY RULES, I do not want them sharing a bed when visiting for the 4th, (today) I would like for him to sleep in the basement on a futon, while she stays on the second floor in the guest bedroom. She is calling me "crazy" for wanting to put tape over the door, so that I know if she leaves to go fraternize with him. I know they have copulated their marriage, but I do not approve of it in MY home.

What can I tell her to stop this incessant fighting? I told her that they could get a hotel if they wanted to do hanky panky so badly, she said it, "isn't about sex." but why else the anger over the issue? She is STILL my BABY, and will not be doing that kind of thing in this household. When I see the husband today I don't know how I will react knowing that he is itching to stay in that bed just as badly as she is. PLEASE help, she doesn't understand that children can't always get their way with their parents. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep, I am desperate.

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Michelle - posted on 07/07/2017

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I agree Dove, it has been a while since we had such entertainment.
I hope it's a troll, either that or this woman really hates sex. I'm surprised she has any children if she is so against it!

[deleted account]

It seams that you don't respect your daughter or her marriage otherwise as a typical parent wouldn't be acting this way. Marriage is marriage and when you travel with your spouse you are still married, you don't play married because you are married. As one person put it, she left your house and joined his and he's her priority now. Maybe that's why your upset, because you have no control? Just saying? Obviously she cares for you since you are her parent, but I would stick by my man and make my visit and leave to a hotel or his parents home if it was in same town and I was welcomed there without any condemnation. You can keep your rules and you would have an empty house. As the daughter, I would explain that I love you but I'm a grown woman and don't agree with your thinking and I will visit with you every day we are in town but I am not going to allow you to create a wedge between me and my husband and you can get over it.
I can't believe you are even talking about "if she was married one day but not the next... WTH??? Sounds like you expect her to run home to mommy... I pray she is an independent, strong woman with a backbone who can support herself and stand up to her mother who must see her as a 7 year old child.

Ashley - posted on 07/06/2017

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I would have to say that as a parent id feel uncomfortable but id have to respect that once my daughter was married, she isn't mine anymore really. Who would i be to break up her and her husband?

and as a daughter id feel very upset that my mother wouldn't see that my husband and i are united together.

I would respect my parents always but if it came down to it, i think as a daughter id go to a hotel, not cause a fight,and as a mom i would try to remember my feelings aren't always something i need to act on.

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Rachel Louise - posted on 07/23/2017

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But if she is married she is supposed to keep her husband company and also be ready to serve him

Ev - posted on 07/08/2017

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I have to say lady that you are in the wrong. When people marry whether in front of a judge or preacher, they are united as husband and wife meaning that they share a room, share a life and a home. Sex is just part of it but not all of it. You denying them this only goes to show how backwards your thinking is. I pity you.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2017

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They probably wouldn't have had sex on the one night they were there anyway.
You have such a screwed up view of marriage and sex. No wonder she has moved far away.
Rules do change as children get older.

Loraine - posted on 07/06/2017

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I'm assuming most of you would rather go to a hotel because you want to be with your man instead of seeing your parents (the ORIGINAL reason for you visiting?) When she is in this house she is our child, not his wife.

If she was married one day, and not another day there would still be consistency in this home -- what example does it set to be walked over as such? Oh I'd LOOOOVE to lay down and listen to whatever would go on. Gross. You all obviously don't provide your children with consistency -- guidelines can change with age but RULES do not. We treat them as laws. "Anyone who can understand sex even a small bit will not be subjected to anything even related to it." We, as parents, cannot consent to listening to them have sex -- just as when she lived here she could not. Consistency!!!

She realized that she was home to visit US, and he can visit his OWN parents. They can have their married life at home, but they chose to come here. It's been the same since they turned 14 and started dating! Problem resolved !! "You came home to see us, not to play-married with your husband in our home, you can wait one night." Good grief and good riddance to that situation!

Susan - posted on 07/06/2017

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If I were asked to take a side, I would side with allowing my married daughter to share a bed and a room with her legal husband. He is her immediate family now and her main priority; they are a family. Being married under God's eyes means that we are to leave our parents to be with our spouse. That being said, there is the issue of it being your home and your rules, regardless of anyone's agreement with your rules. We still tease my mother for the one towel and one towel only rule at her house, or she freaks out. But it's her house and her rules. Either we respect her rules or we don't return. You and your daughter both have those choices versus arguing with her or losing her altogether when she and her husband are not requesting anything immoral under even God's eyes. Praying for you to resolve this peacefully and to stay in each other's lives.

Michelle - posted on 07/05/2017

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You obviously don't like sex at all.
You are crazy to expect a married couple to sleep separately. Whenever I stayed with my family my husband and I were always in the same bed. It doesn't mean we had sex every night though.
You need some serious help.

[deleted account]

You have to let "Your Baby" grow up and see her as a grown adult woman. I could understand if they were not married of keeping them apart but they are married and you are trying to divide their union as a husband and wife irrespective of any sex involved, get over it. The way you are treating her is like a child and not as an adult. I would book my hotel and send you the bill or just return home afterwards and not stay. Have to think in the long-run, are you going to act the same when there are grandchildren? What will you tell them when they ask grandma why you won't let their mommy and daddy sleep together? Crazy huh?

Loraine - posted on 07/05/2017

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ps maybe you shouldn't go visiting home with intent to fuck your guy, instead of seeing your parents !!!! What's unacceptable about it? I wouldn't expect a bed for my and my husband at my daughter's place! My husband would sleep in the guest room, and I on the couch. We had separate beds put in once my daughter was old enough to know what COULD be going on! Again WHO CARES if she's married? She could be unmarried one day and married the next and I wouldn't care! She could be 50 and I wouldn't care! She stopped sleeping in other people's houses for sleepovers at 13, and she stopped sleeping in her father's bed when 13 -- it's the principal of it! She's old enough to have sexual feelings!! My mother believed sex of any kind outside of procreation was sinful, what happened to that line of thought? You're fine with indulgent and kinky exhibitionist sex with contraceptives under your roof?? Gross!!

Loraine - posted on 07/05/2017

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I don't care about sex inside or outside of marriage, I just care that they want to subject me and my husband to some weird pseudo-incest night of fantasies in her childhood bedroom. What's the difference between before they were married, and after they were married? NONE, they still won't do it in my house. You can bet that a child that's been with their SO for 1+ year is doing SOMETHING sexual, and you preventing them from your home because you don't believe in sex before marriage isn't going to have any impact on that, they're just going to fuck in some bushes like mine did. They've had sex in restaurants, cinemas, the back of taxis, their cars, the school, woods, etc because neither parents let them stay the night -- difference is I don't care!!! She can get ticks in her asscrack all she wants, even WHEN she's married, she's not subjecting us to that shit under MY roof. MY child, MY house, MY rules.

He stayed the night in the neighbors house :) a MALE neighbor.

Loraine - posted on 07/04/2017

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ps my mother would not even let me THINK about sleeping in the same room as my husband while visiting - he slept in the living room!! And before anyone gets up my ass about "they're adults," they very well may be legal adults, but they are both still just KIDS, and one is MY kid, and we are kind enough to extend a place of rest for the night in OUR abode. OUR rules. They may be married but just 2 years ago they were not -- nothing has changed except that they signed legal document that is broken 50% of the time this day and age!!!! Just as when they were teenagers they will not be sleeping with one another in this house!!!! Wasn't that long ago she brought him home to meet us at 14, same house, same rules. They could be FIFTY and with children, and I'd say the same thing. Have some respect for US and YOURSELVES, DISCRETION with your urges. God help them and their exhibitionistic desires, especially my daughter, she is breaking her father's heart and he feels as though she wants us to just have to listen in on whatever they will do. She is here to visit US, not have some wild night in a new place --- christening her childhood bed, we feel USED!!! We are not a hotel for anything of the sort they are fighting so hard for. He is questioning if she wants to disrespect us and our memories of when she was an innocent child by having sex in that bed she used her whole life. Is she going through some phase of rebellion or resentment? Hates her childhood and wants to overwrite it? Now I am seeing what he is saying. I am livid, she is NOT giving in, this has been an all-night affair. They do not see it from our perspective. Nothing has changed!! I ask, "did we let you sleep in the same room, let alone the same floor before you married?" "no thats so different, we're married now! we're adults!!" she whines, no, nothing is different!!! You are the same people, the only difference is a piece of paper!! I doubt God approves of this sort of marriage where you expose others to things like this and only think of having sex, not stopping to spend just ONE night without it to humor your dear parents and their HOUSE that you are staying in for FREE!!! UGH!!!

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