Letting go of my 18 year old

Judy - posted on 05/03/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello moms,

As I am writing this I'm in pain. I am struggling with letting my daughter go. I live in Florida while she is in nj living with her father. She's always lived with me, but she stayed with her father while she finishes high school. In June she graduates but we Been talking about her moving here after so she can go to college. Well my daughter can be manipulative, and to hurt me when she gets mad she tells me I'm not moving with you. Today she disrespected me calling me names even bitch, pyscho and dumb ass. My pain was so hard I broke down. All this because on Friday night she went out and I asked her to please be home by midnight , so she decided to not get home by1am and this Saturday morning after a long night of telling her how wrong she was, she decided to disrepect me, even getting her own phone plan and leaving me with her line since she was in my family plan. Now I'm stuck with termination fees of $350, and when I told her she needed to pay it she told me no and that if I took her money from her bank she would call the cops on me. My heart just kept breaking and here I am today feeling sad because I keep blaming myself. I feel like moving back to nj to be with her but I don't know if that will change. Her father is not supportive and actually talks bad about me to her. I have let God be my guide and handle this for me, but I'm struggling with letting her go. Positive feed backs please

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Judy - posted on 05/03/2014

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And by the way this would be the first time she did what she did. Talk bad language.

Judy - posted on 05/03/2014

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Hello Jodi,

I can repect your opinion, but in all honesty you either didn't read my post correct or yoi are just made your own assumption. First, my daughter does not shut down, one u didn't say she did. Second, yes my daughter is an adult, but when she is living under her fathers roof her supports her and she is told to get home at a decent time and she feels th need to lie after she told me she would be home at a certain time, I do have a problem with that. As an adult you need to learn responsibilities and respect is earned not just given. After she decided to lie to me, and after I saw all the lies she was making to stay longer where she was at and the girl she was with who is no good, I spoke with her an told her To go home and that we would talk the following day. I was raised to respect my mother, and let me tell you my mother was hard, and I give my daughter the freedom she needs as long as she respect her parents, and follows rules. If she wanted to be on her own, then different, but I support her and in return I only ask for respect, to help around the house, and work for Her things, while I help in what I can if she can't, and this only while she's in school. So please before you jump, ask and don't assume. This is a mothers blog for support and positive feed back. Not saying that u said anything wrong but u assumed without asking. Thank you

Jodi - posted on 05/03/2014

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Wow. So you spent all evening TELLING her HOW WRONG she is (as in a lecture, not a two way discussion), and then you wonder why your adult daughter makes the choices she does. It appears to me that you have no respect for the fact that she is an adult. Long gone are the days where you can TELL her what to do. You need to learn to have actual discussions with her and find compromises. If you want her to respect you, you need to also respect her views and her freedoms as an adult.

In all honesty, if you lecture her about why she is wrong every time you don't agree with a choice she makes, no wonder she shuts down on you and does not respect you. I'm not saying its okay for her to call you names, but honestly, you need to look at the way YOU are acting towards her too.

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