letting kids win always

Nikole - posted on 11/01/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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What do u all think about a counselor telling parents to.always let there 6 year old win at games

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It depends on the child. It is impossible to answer this question without knowing more about what issues the child is with, why they are in counseling in the first place.
If the child is a normal developing child, I would disagree. Children need to learn to lose gracefully, to deal with the emotions that come with failure. Though, if it is a game that depends more on skill than luck, like chess or mancala, the parent cannot expect the child to compete on their level and should adjust their skill accordingly. When the child is young, play at a lower skill level, increasing difficulty as the child grows and learns.

That said, most children who are developing normally are not in counselling--they are there because they are having some sort of mental or emotional issue, so depending on that child's issues, then letting the child win could have a positive effect on their treatment. Many children are so emotionally insecure that a loss in a boardgame can have emotional effects that last for weeks--those kids need to win in order to gain that confidence. Once they've reached that step, they can move on to learning to lose.

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Gena - posted on 11/02/2013

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Our monopoly nights werent just my sister and i playing...actualy a whole bunch of adults and not all family members and what i have witnessed is that you get people who can lose playing a game and they are ok with it and then you get others that get annoyed,angry or even rude when they are losing. Thats when we have to say ITS JUST A GAME we are all adults and no need to get upset.I wont post anything more about games or psychology on winning or losing.Its my personal oppinion and yes you do get adults that cant seem to handle losing without a sibling playing with.

Angela - posted on 11/02/2013

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Gena W - you have hit on SIBLING RIVALRY - it's not the winning that counts, it's getting the better of your sibling!

Children have a skewed idea of winning, losing and sportsmanship. Kelly has talked about games of skill as opposed to games of luck - children don't always know the difference. There's no glory in winning a game of chance. It was pure luck that depended on the roll of the dice!

Even games of skill can be won by pure luck - the winner had mediocre skills but the loser was abysmal!

Then we can consider team sports. Most kids play ballgames with great effort for their own glory rather than for the team. Watch a group of 10 year olds play a game like hockey - they're all intent on getting the ball that they're battling with their own team mates just as much as they're battling with the opposing team!

Then there are those contests of aesthetics, skill, creativity or achievement - where independent judges decide on who the winner is - based on whatever their own perceptions are of what constitutes a winning entry! These contests can be VERY subjective.

The comment about "always letting children win" is too broad. There are too many kinds of "games". You need to tell us more about what type of games.

Gena - posted on 11/02/2013

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I agree with Kelly,a normal developing child should learn how to lose. My son is turning 3in january and we are starting to play games,we have these great games where no body can win or lose.Its called Tempo kleine schnecke in german,its basicly the snails that can win.There are 6different color snails and a dice with the six colors.Everybody gets to roll the dice once and the color that got rolled is the color that the snail may go one ahead. Bit difficult to explain but i like that no one wins or loses. If my son takes after me he will have to learn to lose without being upset because i couldnt stand losing at games when i was small,neither could my sister and that is even why we quit doing monopoly game nights. Losing without getting upset is something i think is very important for children to learn.

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