Live In Boyfriend Woes

StressedMom - posted on 09/23/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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HI Moms,

Thank you for all your great advice. It is much appreciated. I know the decision I am making is the right one!

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Raye - posted on 10/01/2015

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I agree with the other moms... the guy doesn't respect you and doesn't understand that your children should be the highest priority in your life. The song may say "all you need is love", but that's a crock of shit. You need respect. You need a partner that will support you and work with you through the hard times. You need someone you can count on. That man has not given you these things. He cheated, so he obviously is selfish and doesn't care how his actions affect others in his life that he's supposed to love. Your daughter is smart and able to see that this guy is trouble, but you don't want to let yourself see it.

Jodi - posted on 09/30/2015

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Shannon, with regard to your update, your boyfriend is clearly a jerk. Of course you are choosing your daughter over him - you are her parent. That was always going to be a given. If he can't understand that, then he really isn't worth it. If her can't understand that it isn't working out right now living together and you need some space to sort this one out, then he really isn't worth it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/30/2015

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Your daughter is your blood, and your primary responsibility. This loser has given you and ultimatum that only a loser would give. If you continue to engage in this relationship with him, not only will you lose your daughter's respect, but you'll be giving in to an asshole who cannot be an adult. If you've been living together, constantly fighting and having a 'cheating episode', that is no recipe for a successful relationship. With the ultimatum, you know his true colors.
Do you want to be controlled like that, or would you rather be an independent woman who makes any future interest meet HER terms regarding her family, or a stepped on, controlled woman in danger of losing more than just her self respect?
Yes, that's harsh, but the reality of the situation is that this loser is acting like a 2 year old. You've raised your daughter...do you REALLY want to take on an adult who'll throw a tantrum to get his way and keep you under his thumb?

Ev - posted on 09/27/2015

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Can you blame her for not wanting to live there with the boyfriend and the fights going on and gaining knowledge of what is going on (cheating, etc)? It is not fair to make her live in a place where she sees that is feels like she can not be at home in her own home. It is not fair for her to have to give up peace and quiet because you and he have fights. It also sounds like you and he need to go to couples counceling or something. Also at her age, she can change the location of where she lives and may not legally need your say so. So what if she stays with dad? Its not like she is never going to see you or be with you again. I am talking from experience. My own two kids who are now adults (the youngest just graduated high school) had to go live with dad because he was going to fight me all the time to get them. I could not afford that nor could I picture the anguish that they would have to go through in a custody case. It was bad enough to get divorced and settle custody the first time. So I allowed them to go live with dad for their peace of mind and for their betterment though frankly after all this time they truly would have rather been with me but I had to do what was in their best interest at the time.

Jodi - posted on 09/23/2015

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If your relationship isn't great and clearly has issues, it may actually BE the best thing for him to move out for now. If you decide you want to continue to work on the relationship, then you can still do that if he isn't living there - in fact, it may be better for the relationship while you try to work things out. But having fights that she is around for, and having her know the details of the cheating is really not okay. She shouldn't know these things or be seeing these things.

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