living home in the middle of the night

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My 16 years old did live the house in the middle of the night,at 1:30 am i walked in her room it did look like she is sleeping BUT when I lift the bed cover she wasn't there.....the brother of her boy friend picked and droped back that night...(2weeks ago)Now i am checking on her every night 2to 3 times.
what should i do?
my husband was out of town,he doesn't know.

there is more to the story
and here is what happen

my daughter is 16,I don't want her to have a boyfriend or smoking weed.that night she was not in her bed .the older brother of her friend(or boyfriend don't know ) picked and drop her back,the next night at 11:30she wasn't in her bed ,she was in the garage on her phone,we went to bed .at 1:30 that same night I check on her , she is not in bed...she was smoking weeds in the back yard.she is grounded and i will test her for drugs.one of question I have plz help
1-the boyfriend give my daughter a gift ''a necklace'',what should i do?
2- the 2 boys (the older brother''the driver''and boyfriend)parents should i call them and let them know that the 19 years old pick up my 16 years old after midnight ?and they smoke weeds ????
please some help

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Only1Chance - posted on 12/24/2013

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A lot of times God allows tribulation to draw us closer to Him. You sound like your doing great, your trying your hardest to guide your daughter in the right direction. Because I wish my parents WOULD HAVE GOT UP 2 -3 times a night to check on me.. NO NOT AT THAT MOMENT OF COARSE, BUT NOW?? OH I WISH. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

Only1Chance - posted on 12/23/2013

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Sorry for what your going through can't imagine being in your shoes. 1st off pray! pray! & after that pray some more! God loves our children more than we do. About(8+yrs) ago I was regretfully very rebellious living a double life so to speak until it all came crashing down at 15 I ran away for a couple of days. My parents put me on lock down. It did help a little until I regained their trust & once again was back to my old ways. I just learned how to hide it better ... God created family and He put the man in charge, what kind of relationship do they have (ur daughter and him)? Because I've been learning(From lifes manual THE BIBLE) just as mothers r sooo important 2 a childs life dads r equally as important even though society doesn't seem to think so (But society didn't create family God did). He needs to b the one in charge even though he may b out of town he needs to b sure to speak to her as well check in by calling not texting to make sure shes on the right track. I would advise you that you do tell your husband he has every right to know so that he may take that step in checking up on her over the phone... What I felt I needed as a 15, 16, 17, 18yr old was love. My parents did not hug us let alone say I Love U. Other than than 1st being a SINNER & living without Jesus in my heart, I feel like my parents lack of love & affection & time added to my rebellion. I am completely a different person now by Gods Wonderful Grace, God has been transforming me ever sense I got married at the age of 19 & had my 1st bby at 20 its been up hill. My husband is not perfect but I always say I didn't deserve him he is so different from all the boys I dated n my teens. We have 2 children and a mortgage & im a SAHM sense the of 20!.... before that n the rebellion years mothers would give me bad looks n all, I know a lot of parents were looking at me like I was a lost cause & did not want their daughters near me, but thankfully that is not the case now. But I can also remember the ones that loved on me. Anyone reading if you know a teen who isn't doing so good show some love & guidance instead of anger. May God Bless you will b praying for your daughter.

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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Remember,children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his/her talk.
You are welcome

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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Am new here but i will check out and advise where i can.Be strong because we shall be behind you fully.If there is something we might help with,my email adress is mainajosephmwangi@gmail.com incase i am not online here.Merry Xmas

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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I acknowledge that taking the priviledges from her might make her realize her mistakes and change.However,i would advocate for intergration of both methods.I mean,it would be important to let her know why you will be taking them away.At her age,it is likely that she might use that to probably underscore her earlier feelings(she might have felt she is not getting enough of life inside the home and that you -the parents are responsible).

Am certain the last thing you want is widening the gap between you and her.By being open to her,let her know that she is putting your family ties at risk.Ask her if she is wishing that her dad pronounce you a careless and irresponsible mother who cannot take care of her own children when the father is away.
Even be frank enough and let her know that you have been keeping the father in the dark about the whole issue just to give her time to show that the girl will heed to your advice and correct her ways.
I know girls are moved with such talk from their mothers and will more likely than not,respond positively.

At the end of the day,i feel the father should know about it even the girl does not heed to your counsel.You surely dont want to be blamed afterwards.

Hope i helped you,however little it may be

18 Comments

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Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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in god i believe, my daughter too ,without believe in god my life has no meaning I need to pray more,very nice letter and helpful,me too my parents are like yours.
i will do my best every day to get closer to god our creator.thank you.i will read your comment again.

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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Anytime.In Africa,we say a kid is not a one person affair.The society should take time to guide her to the right path.Now forgive me,i will have to leave you.See you next time.

Thank you for the trust.

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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right ,what a challenge for me,I am aware of it,raising my kids make change to be better and i will not give up,that is why i need your help, thank you

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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you don't know how strong you are until ''to be strong is the only chose you have
without your help ''all of you who read this''plz write some thing if you can help.
thank you Josef,i will take a note.

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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I agree ,thank you ,i will need to read again and again so i will not forget,those were the first things they cross my mind and i have been working on it.
I did write more details plz read TITLE ''Should my 16 years old accept agift...
please give me some advices ,thank you .

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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thx,Jodi, I hope all moms specely moms has teens will read this '' remove her phone privileges, remove internet privileges (except as necessary as a study tool), no going out with friends outside of school without a chaperone. i like the chaperone idea,you also make me i feel strong and good that I do need to make it clean to her.

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2013

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Yep, remove her phone privileges, remove internet privileges (except as necessary as a study tool), no going out with friends outside of school without a chaperone. That's what I would be doing. You have to make it really c;ear to her that you trusted her and she broke that, and now it is up to her to gain it back.

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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thank you that make feel strongand that i am doing the right thing,yes I will check on her every night and she needs to earn my trust ,Jodi ,that is exactly how i feel.
how to ground her?
i am taking the phone away every night, i am thinking to cancel all serviceson her phone except texting me and myhusband(her dad)

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2013

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Just keep checking on her at night until you feel you can trust her again. Let her know that you now don't trust her - you DID trust her, but she broke that trust. Let her know she is currently grounded until such time as you DO feel you can trust her, and she needs to earn that trust back from you.

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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i know you are determined to bring her on course.My word for you is that you dont give up.Sometimes we do crazy things out of desperation and to demand the attention from those we love

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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am sorry dear but ask yourself"is there something i am not doing for her ?"

Sonia - posted on 12/23/2013

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I Did explain to her how dangers that could be But i could see how that our teens think this way :'' i know mom no worries i AM SAFE '' will she do it again ?

Joseph Mwangi - posted on 12/23/2013

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sorry for that.i feel you should talk it out with her,tell her about the dangers of being out wild

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