Living with baby's dad as friends, good or bad idea?

Veronica - posted on 02/24/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm 19 and he's 21. I made a few mistakes in 2012 like quitting my job and getting involved with this guy. We were together for a few months and he dumped me in December. It took me a second but I finally got over it and moved on, started struggling to look for a job. Then I found out that I'm pregnant. Before anyone judges me and starts assuming that I am an unfit mother right off the bat, I'd like to say that I know it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But, I plan on attending college in Spring of 2014 at a State Univ. Fortunately I have the help of the G.I. Bill which should help me not only with school but with living expenses as well and I'm going to be signing up for the WIC program. I have plenty of support from my family (they're all mostly out of state). I don't plan on depending on people forever, this is the reason why I need to attend school and not major in a bullshit degree. For now, I'm looking at options. The baby's dad still lives with his mom and stepfather. They offered a room in their house for me and the baby so I won't have to take the baby far away. The baby's dad has a full-time job and he's making above minimum wage, working overtime constantly and he wants to move out in 2014 and find a place for me, him, and the baby. We get along and are mostly on the same page on most things. I'm hoping we stay friends or at least I don't develop feelings for him again but, it sounds like that will be tough and honestly that's the least of my worries at this point. My main concern is the safety and well-being of the baby. So would this be a good or bad idea? Please be honest, I don't care if it's hurtful

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Firebird - posted on 02/25/2013

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If you can't trust that you won't re-develop feelings for this guy, then it's probably not a good idea to move in with him. I always encourage maintaining a friendship after breakups for the sake of the kids, and I have managed it myself. My daughter's dad is sitting on my couch right now playing video games waiting for our daughter to get home from school. He sleeps on my couch every other weekend. We get along sooo much better since we broke up, but could we ever live together again? No way.

No one here can truly tell you if this is a good idea or not. We don't know you, your ex or his parents. You need to assess your own situation to determine the pros and cons of living with your ex. Can you handle it if he brings home a new girlfriend? Can he handle it if you find a new man? Do you think his parents will be the type to overstep and try to take over parenting your baby? Are you going to get kicked out every time that you and your ex (or his parents) have the slightest disagreement? These are only a few of the questions that you will need to ask yourself.

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Angela - posted on 02/25/2013

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Firebird Bedard is the one who has already raised the concerns that I was thinking about.

I doubt that he'll bring home a new girlfriend and I'd advise you NOT to bring home a new man - because even if he SAYS you're just sharing a home as "friends" - he's wanting to re-start things. And his parents will DEFINITELY expecting you and their son to be a couple for the sake of this child.

Once you've moved in and had your child, make sure you have good, secure arrangements for when you're ready to move out. Because it's likely his parents will not be happy to relinquish that child from under their roof.

Think very carefully about this.

Firebird - posted on 02/25/2013

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That's probably the best way to go, give it a try for a few months, just make sure you've got a plan B in place, just in case it doesn't work out.

Veronica - posted on 02/25/2013

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You're right, Firebird. I just realized this after I had asked Yahoo Answers. But, thank you for being smart enough to point all that out, nobody else has. I'll give it a few months and see where everything goes.

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