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MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angelique - posted on 08/29/2012

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Brittney, I am so sad to hear all that you are going through. It's disgusting what he is putting you through, especially since you are pregnant. All of the stress that you are experiencing is not healthy for you or your baby. You really need to seek help. Contact an attorney, go to the police to get a personal protection order and contact women's services in your area. This is not something that you can run from. If he is determined to "ruin" your life, he will stop at nothing in an attempt to do that. Running from the problem won't help. You need to confront it head on. Filing a personal protection order (PPO) is something that needs to be done immediately that way it will deter him from causing you any physical harm. Keep accurate and timely records of all of the interactions that he forces on you (i.e. phone calls, emails, or in person). Document everything! Yes, I would suggest that you move and change your number to an unlisted number. If changing your number is not a feasible option, contact your cell phone or home phone provider and have his number blocked. Do not let him or anyone that knows him know where you are a living if you move. If you contact any women's services (i.e. shelter for battered and abused women - you can find them by doing a Google search), they will be able to provide you with counseling and guidance and help you find an attorney that may take your case pro bono (at no charge to you) if it comes to that. Make sure too that you notify your OB/GYN of what is going on, so that they are aware of the increased stress that you are under. They can also ensure that he will not be allowed anywhere near you or the baby after it's born, especially if you are able to obtain a PPO. Even if one isn't obtained yet, at least it is documented within your medical records all that he is doing and has done to you. Your doctor might even be able to direct you to counselors or women's services that will be able to help you. This is a very serious matter that shouldn't be taken lightly. You need to protect yourself and your baby. And by the way, even if he does go for custody, it is not likely that he will win. He has to prove that he is a more fit parent than you and if you go to court with all of your documents proving the torture he has put you through, there is no way that he will win. Keep your head up. It may seem hopeless, but know that there are resources out there for you and you are not alone.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2012

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you can also file a restraining order. Record each conversation. Get your phone logs from your providers, lock in any text messages he sends to you. Remember to keep a cool head don't threaten him back do not let him know your plans just move forward. If has not signed the birth certificate that is better for you. Pray first, ask God to remove this storm

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There is no way this man can do all of what he is threatening. He sounds scared. Do not respond to his threats and seek help immediately, he sounds like trouble. There are many places that will help women in your situation, I would be happy to help you locate one.

Caroline - posted on 08/29/2012

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He has no right to treat you like that.. Tape all phone conversations. Keep all texts and emails. Go to the police. Get a lawyer too. And move away from this crazy man!!

Kimm - posted on 08/29/2012

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Contact Project Safe in your area they can give you sound advice for your state. Women against domestic violence ours here is Project Safe. He can lie and get you into worries with your landlord, if it does not work he may harm you. Do not take this lightly, Good advice on keeping a log of his threats to you. Most lawyers are going to want monies up front. Contact a center now do not wait for things to get more hotter with him. May god bless and watch over you and the babe.

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23 Comments

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Jo - posted on 08/29/2012

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You are so kind and well meaning but you are very misinformed. She has no resources. The police will not get involved, a restraining order is a joke, there are no pro bono lawyers, no one really cares. If she wants to keep this baby and live a normal life, she has to run and hide. The last place she will get sympathy is from a judge.

Claire - posted on 08/29/2012

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Get him to sign over his rights to you and you will never have to worry about him, and he will never have to worry about having to pay child support

Jo - posted on 08/29/2012

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Do you have relatives in another country? Take the baby and leave the country. As long as you're here, he will make your life hell. I know from experience. Go live in Europe. You can keep her. He can't force you to give her up. But if he's malicious and vindictive, he will keep you in court, spending money you don't have and taking up your precious time in court and in tears and stressing to death. And you won't get any help here. Our justice system is not set up to look out for you. Just go and live your life and enjoy your child.

Angela - posted on 08/29/2012

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You can keep your baby, and not have to run. Start recording all conversations, and get a lawyer..if you can't afford one go through dhs. You have more rights than you know, as long as you are a good mom, and handle your business providing for your child....prayers coming your way

LaKenya - posted on 08/29/2012

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If you feel your life is in danger you have the right to go to your local court house and file for a restraining order. You would just say he has been threating me and has been keep trying to get me kicked out of may home by harassing me and causing seens around my property. Let them know you are pregnant and are afriad that the stress and or him may harm your unborn child. You will have one more court hearing b/c he will have to be called to court to dipsute your claims. All you need is text messages,phone logs, or even a witness that can back up your claim and he won't be able to talk to you, ask anyone about you or come near you for 5 years. I wouldn't put his name on the birth certifacte and would stop telling him anything from here on out. I wouldn't even let anyone I couldn't trust know I was having a baby so they would tell him. This much I know will work b/c I had to do this myself. My son is now 5month and I have completely moved on with mylife.

Katrina - posted on 08/29/2012

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he cant do any of the things he said.. he is trying to bully you.. only a judge can take away your rights.. You dont have to name him on the birth certificate.. and he cant do anything about it because you are not married.. move and dont look back sweetie.. You need to go to a lawyer and get some advice.. or a womens shelter.. you have enough right there to get a restraining order against him for you and the baby.. record and save everything he says to you!!! Take it to a lawyer or womens shelter and they can help you!

Chasmodai - posted on 08/29/2012

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Are you still living with the baby's father? If you are, contact your local women's shelter and explain the situation. If not, you can file a restraining order saying that he is not allowed to call you or come within 100 feet of you.



If he is the father of the baby, he may have legal rights. He may be able to go through the legal system to establish paternity. If he is sincere about wanting to be the father of this baby and willing to go through the legal expenses, then there may not be a lot you can do to stop it, but you can still protect yourself and your baby if he is abusive. If he is abusive, there are domestic violence hotlines you can call.



If he is just trying to scare and intimidate you, it may not be worth it to him to go through the cost of establishing his parental rights. Once he realizes that he can't use these tactics to control you, he may give up and find some other woman to bully.

Kerry - posted on 08/29/2012

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You need to contact your local women's abuse hotline immediately. They can guide you confidentially about all the options available to you, including how to file for a Protection Order with the police. My daughter has been going through a similar situation - after her son was born though. She now has a protective order in place which gives her full custody until the order is over (9 months). Our local women's domestic abuse clinic was a great help, including supplying a lawyer to represent her for free in filing for the protective order. Write everything down that he has said or done or threatened, especially if you can remember dates of occurrence. My daughter is now in the process of filing for full permanent custody and child support and with her baby daddy's criminal record, I'm confident she'll get them. He can only make your life miserable if you let him. You can be protected from him. Good luck and God bless!

KATRINA - posted on 08/29/2012

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Unless that man is a married man..or has alot to lose...that is a whole different story..and I would b afraid if I was u!

Kelli - posted on 08/29/2012

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He's just trying to scare you. And if you gave up your baby you would be miserable. If he's making treats I would get an order of protection. You need to go to the police and tell him what he's saying, so if he tries anything it's already on file. Paper is everything. Write everything down and date it. Keep a log.

KATRINA - posted on 08/29/2012

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Don't be afraid! Forget he exists! Live an awesome life with u and your child! He will forget all about it as soon as he falls in "love" with someone else! Good luck!

Denise - posted on 08/29/2012

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Hi Brittney, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Having a baby is a blessing for most women. There are a few things you said that are real bell ringers. "You are allowed to be happy" and "You can not have her one way or another". Depending on which state you live in, the laws governing his rights as a father vary. It is very important that you document dates, times, witnesses, everything that happens. These notes will be very helpful should the situation turn any uglier than it is now. There is help out there. Through the Department of Children and Family in your state you can probably get counseling and other assistance. Women's shelters are also a good place to seek guidance. They have trained professionals that usually volunteer their time to help women in your situation. The reality is that in this day and age there is no way to drop off the grid and simply disappear unless you have professional help. The minute you get a phone, electricity or an apartment/house your name goes into a database and soon after becomes public record. You can be located on a computer almost immediately. Be careful. Any situation can escalate quickly. Google "women in distress" for your area or contact DCF. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Verbal abuse is real and just as bad as physical abuse. Remember, no one loves you like YOU love you. You and your baby deserve a safe and happy environment. It's up to you to provide it for her and for yourself. Good Luck.

D - posted on 08/29/2012

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If your state is like most states you can not put his name on the birth certificate unless he gives you permission and he actually signs off on it. So, you really have nothing to worry about unless you sue for paternity. If you do decide to do that, then make sure you keep all correspondence from him and document EVERYTHING (keep a notebook with times he contacted you, dates and what he and you said). If he continues to harass you, I would file charges.

Zoe - posted on 08/29/2012

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He doesn't have no right treating u like this it's ur baby, u do what's best for u but if I was u I would keep a note of what he is texting u and don't answer the phone to him let him leave messages its move profe witch will help u along way then when u got loads go to the police and they will note it down then if he does try and take u to court and that u can get the police to write a report about what he done to u and it will all work in ur favour, I had trouble with my ex saying he was going to take me to court and that most of what comes out of their mouths is just threats come on what man could bring up a new born baby on their own not very many!!

Ps try and go to as many mum's and baby's groups around ur area cos they can do a report as well if needs be but u don't have nothing to worry about, I would try and stay around friends and family as well cos I moved away and it was very lonely till I met my partner

All the best best thou

Gale - posted on 08/29/2012

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It sound like you are a new expecting mom, and your new at this and not sure where your right are, do you have family that can help you through this? If not go to a women shelter the social worker there can help you through all of this including finding the right lawyer and protected you from baby daddy, also they will be able back you, even decide if you need a retraining order.

Amy - posted on 08/29/2012

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Stop communicating with him, don't answer the phone. If he leaves messages save them. You don't have to put him on the birth certificate but even if you don't that doesn't mean he doesn't have rights. Personally if he's harassing you then I would look into filing charges so he will leave you alone.

Kelina - posted on 08/29/2012

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How exactly does he plan to have you evicted? and would anything even happen if he called the cops? I'd approach a lawyer and see what they think the best option would be for you. It's possible that if you start documenting now you could circumvent all his bullshit, but it might be better for you and baby to just leave. And personally if I were in your situation and was that scared of my baby's daddy I'd probably tell him I had an abortion and then move. Then you don't have to worry.

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