Lonely Nest Syndrome

Rose - posted on 08/18/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am new at this "support group" stuff! I have three children 21, 19, 15 my oldest being my daughter. Two years ago she went away to college (only 30 min away- 40 miles) she moved in with my mother, it really didnt hit me that I would miss her the way that I did, until one day as I was doing laundry I went into her bedroom to put some things away when it hit me...like a pail of ice water! My little girl, my best friend was not there to have conversations with, to laugh about any little thing, to have girls day out to share our thoughts, to hear her dreams, to answer her questions about little things, big things! I missed her. She would call me and we would talk, but it just wasnt the same. I would go and see her when I could and she had time from her part time job or study get togethers with her college friends. I felt left behind,

She returned home, missed home to much and I could see the mature/independent young lady she had become and Im sure that she appreciated me and any advice or home cooked meal that I made. i was happy to have her home again my bestfriend!

Well now my son has left and I know that it is for his own good, its a great job opportunity, making very nice money, it has hit me twice as hard as when my daughter first left home. He too will be staying with my mother, but it seems that the connection between a mother and a son is so extremely closer!
He is such a loving soul, so sensitive but yet so strong, he is demonstrating to be so indipendent and perhaps that is what makes me miss him even more...he wont miss me. I cried and I really felt left behind wondering now what do I do with myself, I have my husband their father but it just seems that men dont feel what we moms feel when it comes to our children...no understanding there!
My son also has a girl friend that he talks with but I tell him that he is too young to consider settling down...if that is the direction the girl is going in. So knowing that he is on his own, knowing that he wont be here to hold a conversation with, to hear his challenges at work, his hopes and dreams, his concerns, to just feel his hugs and hear him tell me "I love you mom" really crushes me! I dont know what to do without my son.
I tell myself that one day they will all be gone, and I pray that they will find a partner that loves them, supports their dreams or joins them in that path to success, that will hold their hands when they are down and confused and will always tell them "I love you" and mean it because they are the most important thing in this UNIVERSE to them as they are to me!
I pray that I live long enough to see this all take place but right now, right this very moment I feel like I have lost my #1 cheerleader!! That is what my son is to me, he has always been my biggest supporter with my cooking, venturing into new cooking ideas/styles, has always loved my strong no nonsense attitude, he would always feel confident when around me.
I guess its easier said than done when your children finally spread their beautiful wings and fly way. When all of their life, my life too, I have spent thinking of them, their next move, their next goal, their next everything, our dreams and asperations are left on the back burner so that they may make theirs with mommy at their side directing traffic.
I still have dreams and plan to move foreward with them all, but its just this very moment that I cant seem to wrap my head around my feeling of loneliness.
My youngest son tries to keep me entertained and I am busy with him and his homework, sports and my daughter and her job and her school. I do have things to do but we are so used to having ALL of our babies around us or at least know that they will be home after work/school to hear how their day went. I think that what I will miss the most is not being involved in his decision making, advisor role that I had, that he may not want or have time to hear...god please fill my days with peace of mind, patience so that I may rely on my son remembering the advise given when making decisions for his future and to give me great health so that I may be present to see his outcome.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/18/2015




I'm sure they'll be fine. Please don't try to dictate to your older son how to live his life (suggesting that he may be too young for a permanent relationship, for example). You've raised your kids, and it really sounds as if you've done a great job of instilling self sufficiency and independence! Now you need to remember that they are adults, and they are capable of handling life. Trust me, when they DO need mom's advice, they'll call, or show up. My 21 YO still does, and he's been on his own since your son's age.
Its time for you to let your youngest have his time with you, and to start enjoying those dreams!

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