long distance relationship since 14 months - plz help

Amrita - posted on 06/14/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi all,
I am a single and a very blessed mother of 2 little boys, four and half and two year old. I enjoy my motherhood and feel more and more blessed each day.
But I have had a rough past, my children's father had left me when i was pregnant wth out younger child. I took a loong time to accept this fact tht he wont be back. I had written on circle of mums too and had got a lot of help. Today again, i need your help.
When my younger child was to turn one, i met a guy online. He is 2 yrs elder than me. He is the only reason i started to feel that there is life beyond my x. And that i can move on too which i had thought was impossible for me. At first i was not ready to move on. We were just friends but we knew back of our minds why we were on online matrimony website. This guy who i met online, lives in Australia where i live. But in a different state. He has come here to earn money and better lifestyle . He was dumped by his wife after they had a girl, she was around one year old when she left both of them and left. So is a father of a now thirteen year old daughter, who lives in India with her grand parents. He has been in Australia since 5 years now. He loves his daughter and keeps in touch regularly, also plans to get her here whenever he can.
He sounds genuine, but he is veeeryyy on and off since the very starting. Sometimes he would talk a lot and be very romantic over the phone, talk about things after marriage etc. and sometimes he would just stop talking and behave weird. As if we just have an acquaintance. We planned to meet 4 times, but EVERYTIME he cancelled it for some or the other reason. Sometimes he had to go to India for 2 weeks, sometimes work extention. I never got angry before, but now i have started to get really upset and frustrated. Its been 14 months now that he is doing this. He tells me very frankly, "i love u, but i dont promise when will i speak to my family, i know im a bit slow and i know im wrong too, but if u cant wait, i can leave. I cannot guarantee any timeframe too." What am i supposed to do? Wait or leave? He is not a person who sleeps around [at least this is wt i feel]. He had mentioned to me that he feels bit overly conscious about getting married while already having a daughter of 13. But i have kids too who are growing quicker than a blink of my eyes. He says he loves me, but i feel he doesnt take enough efforts. I feel its just me taking all the efforts to keep this relationship going. Currently, his mum and daughter have come to visit. He doesnt even speak to me or tell me what all he does. I wanted to send some gifts for his daughter, ad he kept saying he will give me his address, but he did not give. When i pressurised him yesterday, he finally said, dont send any gifts for now.

I really do not wish to go through any more pain in my life. I donno if its just me being anxious, should i have patience or should i call this relationship off. I like him but have NEVER met him. How am i supposed to take this forward? It requires both of us to take steps. I feel guilty when i fight with him and dont show enough understanding, but im getting frustrated now. I had tried for 7 yrs to adjust with my x in the past too, expecting him to change for good some day, but he finally left me pregnant. And now again, i have a man who has a good character but isnt taking this forward. Will i never get some peace in relationships? Do i need to change? What do i do in this long distance relationship?

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Dove - posted on 06/14/2015

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Personally I'd call it off and just focus on yourself and raising your kids. You do not need a relationship to be complete and this guy seems like he is just jerking you around for some reason.

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