Long distant mom...???!!!!

Kami - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I know I will get judged negatively for this...but I also know there are alot of moms with great advice.
I am just gonna lay it out...its a long story...sorry.

So, I am from MT, it is where all my friends and family are...however, I currently live in CA. I moved here 10yrs ago when I met my now ex husband who is from here.
We moved here with my daughter who was 5 and started a life.
Fast forward 6yrs, I got preg with twins and we finally got married. Life however, was not great. I was overwhelmed beyond belief and became a shitty wife. His family didn't offer the support I felt we desperately needed, he was unhappy and we were slowly falling apart.
Fast forward 4 years... My older daughter is now 15, the twins are 4 and my husband is leaving me for another woman. I am beside myself with grief and can not take care of the vastly different needs of my children. My older daughter and I decide she would maybe be better off going to live with her dad and step mom in Idaho. I stay, against my deep desire to leave, in CA to ensure the young twins have both parents. I remain as close to the father and his family as possible so that the girls lives remain as normal as possible. Basically, the only thing that has changed is that I now have my own apartment.
Our custody plan has them spending time with both of us on a day basis... Yes... I have seen and dealt with dad everyday since I found out he was leaving me for someone else just so my girls wouldn't be without. I have even "forgave" and became cordial with the new woman. I don't wanna toot my own horn, but TOOT!! I think I am being a damn nice ex wife...he and his family EXPECT it.
Luckily she is very nice and loves my girls. And their dad is the best dad ever so I would never take them from him.

Now here is where it all falls apart. It has been 3yrs now. In this time, I have gotten a divorce, moved my daughter, and lost my mom and her 2 sisters to cancer. I still, unhappily, live in CA...alone, with the exception of the twins.
I put a big fake smile on everyday and cry every night. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother living this life! I would never go to that extreme, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it.
I love my girls more then anything and cant imagine not seeing them daily... But I have become a very lazy, grumpy and depressed mom who tries to fake a good mood as much as possible...
I cant do it anymore!! I am becoming bitter and angry at everything. All I want to do is sleep.

Now, my daughter in ID is pregnant, my Dad in MT has cancer and I am living a miserable life of unappreciated sacrifices here in CA.

I constantly think about moving to the middle. A days drive between all the important people in my life and taking that time to get my life back in order. I am so lost. I have no idea who I am, and I cant stand myself anymore.

The only thing holding me back is my babies. My 7yo precious angels. The thought of leaving them makes me sick... But I don't think I can do this much longer.

I dont know what to do... 😢

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shelly - posted on 12/09/2013

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No one in their right mind should "judge you negatively for this" btw. If I lived closer to you id give you a hug. I got thru my hard times also by remembering that many others were suffering from similar situations.

Shelly - posted on 12/09/2013

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I am So sorry ): I will pray for you. Good job being the bigger person. I don't think I would've handled it that well. I know it sounds cliche, but when my ex left me I just watched lots of funny movies. I was seriously depressed and faked happy for my daughter. Eventually I became happy. I made changes in my job, my house & my hair. Any and all change really helped me. I'm so sorry ):

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Shelly - posted on 12/09/2013

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Noooo pronlem (: btw I'm a twin. If it helps, if you needed to go visit your dad for a while, your girls would probably be just fine. They'd miss their mom of course, but the twin bond in my opinion makes getting thru difficult times Worlds easier. I don't know the whole story, but if I were you...id go visit your dad for a week or so then take a solo trip if possible. Go to a cabin or heck even a hotel. Buy some magazines & a good book & cry a lot. Get it all out. Get angry get sad just release all the stress. Then return to CA & life will still be difficult for a while but you will Definitely feel at least a smidge better. Sometimes the cliche fixes for non fixable problems def help.i did lots of these things when...I was saving myself for marriage. At age 21 I lost my virginity to a firefighter who immediately dumped me. 3 days later, my room completely burned up due to a random electrical fire. Met a new guy & found myself pregnant. He eventually left me for multiple other people. I was depressed for a long time &considered ending my life. But my baby motivated me to stay alive for her. 5 years later, I am now married to a good man & am happy. I wish I would've known then how much time would heal everything. But it will. It Definitely will. I know what you're going thru is harder but I read you post & burst into tears. I Feel your pain, & I sincerely hope that a weight can be lifted from you so you can feel some relief. I just randomly found this post...not really much of an internet person. I Truly wish you the best & I am sending you positive vibes (:

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