long term relationships

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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lately ive had a bit of inner turmoil about the commitments of my partner. ive decided to let the marriage side slide for a while and not worry so much on if he will or not. My mum just got her cards done by a tarot reader. and pretty much said i would not leave my partner but drift away from him as if i was bored with him as he does travel alot for his work and i do feel lonely , I try to remember that card reading is for fun but it has startled me a bit , Do people in long term relationships become bored with each other ? not to the point of leaving but i guess if youve been married for 40 years your going to know your partner in and out , whats your views

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Amie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Yes some people do become bored with one another. Those are people in relationships that don't work on them though. You can not be in a relationship and just expect it to continue on. You need to continually learn and grow with your partner as well as individually. It's all about balance, for each couple that balance is different. If you don't try though you will grow apart and then end up not knowing each other. Then you sit at a cross roads of do we end it or do we start over and see if we can rekindle the flame?



It does not matter how long you have been with someone you can still be surprised by them and can still learn new things about them. It's all about that growing aspect I was talking about. No one stays the exact same all the time. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. I won't be the same person I am now 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc. Our life experiences help build who we are so we are continually growing and learning. So we are never truly the same person. Our foundations, our core values, those will stay the same for the most part but there will always be little bits that change.



If a relationship has become boring and stagnant no one is to blame but the people in it. It takes two! Not one... TWO.



And just as a side note. Tarot cards are all well and good. There are a lot of fakes out there and even the ones who are real, well you heard the reading... YOU can do something to change it if you want too. Start spending more time with your partner, rekindle the dwindling flame.

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Nindara - posted on 09/06/2009

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I agree with some of the comments other mums made ...Iv been with my guy for 6 years now (since we were 15 years old and still in school) and each passing year we have to work a lil bit harder at maintaining our relationship because we do sometimes feel bored or distant from one another especially since we have been blessed with our daughter we dont have as much US time its usually ME or HIM time now LOL..But we work at our realtionship and try to keep things positive and interesting/exciting as much as we can ..And believe me we have had some rough times these last few years but we just take each day as it comes ...Hope everything works out for you darl :)

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My fiance and I have been together almost 12 years and I dont think bored is something Ive ever been with him. Love, happy, sad, angry, frustrated etc etc but not bored. There may come a time when that happens but I hope not. I do know that some people do so it really comes down to the individuals who make the couple.



Also, as far as ANY reading goes, they are only as good as your current decisions/thought patterns. The future is not written in stone so what they see is only what is most likely if things dont change - if you dont like what this is then simply change the way you think about it - just one thing and that can change everyhing :)

Candice - posted on 09/06/2009

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it takes two people to keep a relationship strong, and interesting, and healthy. one person can't keep fighting for the relationship...it doesn't work. i hope, like you do, that he helps.

Diane - posted on 09/06/2009

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focus on the positives in your relationship samantha , there is a lot to be said for "self fulfilling prophesies" if you focus on maybe or perhaps failing then you wont be being fair to you or your partner, you will be fine take care............Di.

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009

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Quoting diane:

is getting married important to you ? if so then you need to talk to your partner about this and yes you should expect him to marry you. if it isnt important then why let a tarot reader upset you this way. aliviate your loneliness by joining a group with an interest you may have, go out with the girls from work from time to time, take up a hobby , remember marrying your partner wont take away your boredom he will still be working away just as he does now. be happy


marriage  lately i have changed my perspective , there could be parts in myself that may not be ready for this and im ok to come to that realisation which is probably a good thing. I dont think my partner is probably ready for it either so it is best that one day sure i will be more prepared and will be more grateful for it.  My perspectives have changed towards building a better US. and that we should work on better communication , activities alone and apart.  i would really prefere to be married within the next two years but it just might not happen.  I think diane i let the fear that something could go wrong with my relationship fuel the tarot results and thats why i get in a kafuffle. lol  but hopefully with me newly arranged plans and better planning i havent convinced myself that this is all going to fail around my ankles. 

Diane - posted on 09/06/2009

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is getting married important to you ? if so then you need to talk to your partner about this and yes you should expect him to marry you. if it isnt important then why let a tarot reader upset you this way. aliviate your loneliness by joining a group with an interest you may have, go out with the girls from work from time to time, take up a hobby , remember marrying your partner wont take away your boredom he will still be working away just as he does now. be happy

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009

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Quoting kylie:

i have been with the same guy for around 12 years met when we were kids and have kids of our own now...And i'm not bored with him at all..i know all his childhood he knows all of mine , we know each others reactions we basically know everything about each other..so we just do new things..we find ways of communicating i think that if you truly find someone you click with on more then just a couple of levels then you'll be ok...you have moments of downtime so what thats when we just need to have a rest and thats ok nothing wrong with that ..i know that i love him but most importantly i know that even without the kids i would want him in my life his my best friend and thats the honest truth at forty we will still be together because he challanges me and i him..


that is really great. I am finding it hard to emotionally place however how i feel about my situation. Im not bored bored with him but im bored with the daily things as its only the daily things we manage to do as he is usually working so much and when he isnt working he is buggered from working long hours. which i understand completely. I fear he wont put in the effort i would put in to keep the relationship strong . I believe that we need to do things together to learn about each other and have our own activities aswell. I dont want to give up on the guy cos it seems unfair as it can be a fixable problem. but if he consistantly  slips away then i might have to face that choice. or that could be unfair.

Kylie - posted on 09/06/2009

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i have been with the same guy for around 12 years met when we were kids and have kids of our own now...And i'm not bored with him at all..i know all his childhood he knows all of mine , we know each others reactions we basically know everything about each other..so we just do new things..we find ways of communicating i think that if you truly find someone you click with on more then just a couple of levels then you'll be ok...you have moments of downtime so what thats when we just need to have a rest and thats ok nothing wrong with that ..i know that i love him but most importantly i know that even without the kids i would want him in my life his my best friend and thats the honest truth at forty we will still be together because he challanges me and i him..

Amie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Well I hope it all works out for you! If it doesn't, he wasn't the right one. As little comfort as that is.. it's true. Best of luck.

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009

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that is true. I do really like this guy and am really willing to help work with him to make it work and be good , i just hope he feels the same and that he is willing to help work with me.

Amie - posted on 09/06/2009

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That's a good place to start Samantha. =) My husband and I have activities we enjoy together as well as separate. We also have regular date nights and also have regular nights out with our friends. We do as much as we can together but give each other space as well. For example, I like scrap booking, he doesn't. So when he's off doing one of his things I sit and do that. We both love to read, so we'll read a book and talk about it. We both love the outdoors so are always fitting in time to get outside and do something, both together, with our family and with our friends. I'm sure you can figure something out if you both just put in a little effort. =)

Samantha - posted on 09/06/2009

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Quoting Amie:

Yes some people do become bored with one another. Those are people in relationships that don't work on them though. You can not be in a relationship and just expect it to continue on. You need to continually learn and grow with your partner as well as individually. It's all about balance, for each couple that balance is different. If you don't try though you will grow apart and then end up not knowing each other. Then you sit at a cross roads of do we end it or do we start over and see if we can rekindle the flame?

It does not matter how long you have been with someone you can still be surprised by them and can still learn new things about them. It's all about that growing aspect I was talking about. No one stays the exact same all the time. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. I won't be the same person I am now 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc. Our life experiences help build who we are so we are continually growing and learning. So we are never truly the same person. Our foundations, our core values, those will stay the same for the most part but there will always be little bits that change.

If a relationship has become boring and stagnant no one is to blame but the people in it. It takes two! Not one... TWO.

And just as a side note. Tarot cards are all well and good. There are a lot of fakes out there and even the ones who are real, well you heard the reading... YOU can do something to change it if you want too. Start spending more time with your partner, rekindle the dwindling flame.


i understand where you are coming from but  its hard to spend time with him as he is either away on business or working from 7am - 9pm at night , i think tarot is all good and fun and games and not to be taken seriously  , i think if we spend time together we will probably be great again. perhaps some form of hobby we can enjoy together?

Anna - posted on 09/06/2009

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It's never going to be as exciting as the beginning when you are falling in love, but the thing is not to get bored with yourself. Like, have your own friends and interests so you keep learning new things and becoming a new person all the time. This stops you getting stuck in a rut where everything is safe, familiar and boring. Maybe you want to seek out a new interest or project or friend rather than a new partner? Loneliness is kind of different though. I don't know how you deal with that.

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