Mallory - posted on 12/04/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )
I need help with a very complicated situation. I have two beautiful and very different stepchildren. To give you an overview of my problem, I met their father (Kenny) in march of 2011, him and his ex-wife were going through the divorce process when she had their second child on March 29th. Promptly after she gave birth to her son Ben she left the hospital... WITHOUT Ben. I began seeing their father romantically In the beginning of April, and obviously because we had just met (and I'm very young) we were not ready for me to be emotionally involved with his kids. So the "mother-son" bond made at birth was formed between Ben and Nana (Kenny's Mother) Ex-wife moved in with her new boyfriend and saw their daughter Lily (then 3 now 5) periodically throughout the custody battle, but wanted nothing to do with Ben and did not see him for the first 3 months of his life. During which she got pregnant with her new boyfriend and got engaged to him. When she did finally agree to take Ben for a weekend (because we wanted her to be in his life) we got him back and he was drinking out of a moldy bottle and had a diaper rash so bad he was bleeding. Kenny won primary custody of the kids, and after a year of being together I moved in with them. Lily and her mother are very close and I support that, despite the issues between me and her mother I have always strongly encouraged their relationship and would never say anything negative about her mother around Lily. But I find it extremely difficult to encourage a relationship between her and Ben when she basically abandon him and he gets ignored over there. If anyone should have the right to call themselves his mother it's Nana because she was there before I came in. But now that he's old enough to entertain himself and tell her that he's hungry or thirsty, or needs a new diaper (we're working on potty training at home but she always reverts him back) she suddenly wants to be his mother. Im sorry I know that's a long story but I really need help with this, and I know as a step mom I am NOT their mother... but it's so hard when I know he's not getting the love he needs from her.