Ashley - posted on 03/21/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )
I lost my daughter at one month old in August 2014. I am still heavily grieving the loss of her. I found out in December that I was expecting. I am due in August 2015. Very close to her date of death. I am trying to deal with the emotions (excessive hormones) in pregnancy and the loss of my daughter. I feel as though I am watching myself from the out side on an extremely chaotic emotional roller coaster. Although I have support from family and friends, no one truly understands the way I feel. I also have an amazing four year old boy who is ecstatic to be a big brother again. He has helped get me through the emotions. But I know I hide my feelings so much for him & for others and now they are finally coming out. (Being pregnant & hormonal does not help)
I am truly excited for another baby. I have gotten past the feelings of guilt of "replacing her". Because she will never be replaced that is a fact. However, I'm filled with anxiety, tension, and fear every single day. I constantly am worrying something is going to happen. I'm constantly thinking of the what if's. And I know I am driving the ones I love crazy.
We decided not to find out what we're having, because we have mixed feelings on if it is a girl. Anytime I think of having this baby, I cry. (when I'm alone of course)
Has anyone gotten through having a baby so soon after losing one?