Losing a child

Teknika - posted on 12/18/2013 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My water broke at 19 weeks the doctors sent me back home and at 20 weeks me and my husband lost our son. He weighed 10 ounces. The issue that confuses me the most if I told he had a heathy heartbeat then why did he not make it.

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Jodi - posted on 12/19/2013

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Ok, with your 14 year old, how is she accessing the internet to be able to continue to create facebook pages? Also, consider bars on her bedroom window and also reporting these "grown men", because what they are doing is illegal.

None of this has caused ruptured membranes. Make sure you accept that what has happened is an accident of nature, and while not fair, and heartbreaking, it is no-one's "fault".

With regard to Christmas for your daughter, can you make something for her? Maybe her favourite cake, or a gingerbread house, or some sort of candy? She needs your love and attention right now too, but not just the negative attention, but positive attention. Maybe you give her a promise to a girls day out the minute you get the money, but she needs something positive (not only from you but from your husband to - her acting out indicates a craving for attention.

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Teknika - posted on 12/22/2013

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I think if they would of gave me one when my water broke at 19 weeks maybe my son will still be here.

Adriana - posted on 12/22/2013

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Wow that happened me due to a short cervix now I am 27 weeks with a cerclage

Teknika - posted on 12/20/2013

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We trying to find peace within ourselves first then on to the next step. In due time we will try again but in the meantime we need to work on making our marriage stronger and profecting it even more. Just keep praying and have faith in GOD and he will see you through. Merry Christmas to you and yours as well.

Christina - posted on 12/20/2013

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I am so sorry for your loss. Take some time to mourn and heal your body. As for your little one not surviving can range from so many different things. My second child was born premature at 26 weeks he was 3 pounds. He was in the hospital for 5 months and one day he was strong and moving forward and then one day he'd crash and we were back to hoping he'd make it through the night. It is a terrible roller coaster of emotions. You and your hubby will conceive again, but I truly think you should take atleast 6 months to heal your hearts. Your angel baby will always be a part of your family. I hope you find peace. Have a very Merry Christmas.

Teknika - posted on 12/20/2013

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That's what I wanted to know but I stayed in the hospital for five days they were given me antibiotic and fluids through my iv. Then they sent me home and told me nothing but bedrest.

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Why were you sent home after you water broke? Were you told to bed rest or given any antibiotics? Nothing that your daughter or anyone did caused it.

Teknika - posted on 12/19/2013

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So I have a question, I lost my baby at 20 weeks. Me and my husband want to try to get pregnant again is it safe for us to start having sex again after three weeks of having a menstrual cycle. The next question is will it work. And will the same thing happen again.

Teknika - posted on 12/19/2013

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I know that was why she was acting out she wanted attention. But I'm not being negative with her but like I told my husband if you can't accept my daughter and all that comes with her then we don't need to be together. I brought her plsystation 3 she doesn't know it. She accessing internet through her friends phone at school.

Teknika - posted on 12/19/2013

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My daughter is 14, and we found out that she has been trying to sneak grown men into her room through the window while we asleep, then she is continuing to create Facebook pages after we delete them. Then to top it off I also lost my mom in February of this year so I'm having to deal with two deaths within a year. Christmas was cancel at my house because I didn't have money to get my daughter anything for Christmas so she will be left out. I been off work since December 6, and I don't know what else to do

Jodi - posted on 12/19/2013

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They possibly don't know why your baby died, and therefore can't inform you. It is unfair of your husband to blame your daughter. You haven't mentioned how old your daughter is, but if she is a toddler, it is normal for them to act out, and women the world over have acting out toddlers and don't lose their babies. Your husband is wrong, and I agree with you that there should be no finger pointing. He needs to grow up and realise that what happened was a tragic and rare thing, and that it wasn't anyone's "fault".

Teknika - posted on 12/19/2013

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The thing is why wasn't we inform about the situation. Now it's getting harder on my family my husband is starting to blame my daughter because his baby didn't make it because she has been acting out which had me under a lot of stress. But me personally I don't think my child should be having the finger pointed at her for something that was out of my control.

Jodi - posted on 12/19/2013

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It IS normal to leak fluid if your membranes have ruptured. It wasn't going to repair, that's not what happens. Once ruptured, you continue to leak fluid until the baby is born.

I think you need to discuss with a doctor what could have happened. There are many complications that ruptured membranes can bring at this early stage of pregnancy, that no-one on the internet can tell you exactly what happened. What happened to you is extremely rare, and unfortunately, in 30% of cases, it does result in the death of the baby because there are numerous complications that can occur. Because it IS a rare occurrence, the doctors are only doing their best, but are not necessarily experienced in ruptured membranes during the second trimester. The chances are, they have not experienced it before, and if they have, it has been so rare, that they don't know all the answers either. It's also not like medical research is doing research on the issue, because that would be unethical, and the occurrences are so rare that it is difficult to form conclusions.

I think your best course of action is talking to your doctors about what could have happened, but don't expect definitive answers, because I do9ubt they have any.

Teknika - posted on 12/19/2013

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But my thing is if the baby contracted an infection why wouldn't the doctor say so. The thing that bugging me the most is that me and my husband were told that he was a healthy baby boy. I think someone in the hospital is lying. Besides I ask the doctors before I left why was I still leaking fluid like that and they response was that it was normal to do so.

Jodi - posted on 12/18/2013

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I'm sorry for your loss. Did you ask your doctor that question? I suspect it is because amniotic fluid helps prevent bacteria and infection, but with reduced amniotic fluid, there may have been some complications in the baby's system. So even though the baby's heart beat was fine when you left the hospital, there may have been an infection your baby couldn't recover from.

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