Losing my identity while living with my parents

Dawn - posted on 01/02/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am living with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own...I'm unemployed and even when I was employed, rent is so expensive, I can't afford it. They tell me what I can spend my money on, how I should run my life, how to raise my daughter, and even who my friends should be. I love them and appreciate them for all they do for us, but how I do I ask them to back off and let me have some say so in my life. I feel like I have lost my identity.Pls help!


Ariana - posted on 01/02/2013




Unfortunately you live with your parents you have to allow them in your life. There is no way you can get rid of them completely.

You can put parameters on it though. The question of the money I guess would go in is this your money? If this is really your money you decide what to spend it on. If they are telling you spend it on this spend it on that take what they've said into consideration but ultimately it is your money. You may want to calmly state that to them, this is my money and I'll use it how I think it's best to use it. Don't be snippy about it, and tell them you appreciate them helping (even if you don't) but that you're an adult and you'll handle your money as best you can.

Now if it's your money and they're asking you to spend it on groceries or chip in at the house that's one thing, since you are living there. The best thing for that is to, obviously, try to become employed again so you can pay some rent. That way it's not them thinking you're a freeloader using their house etc.

Just do the same for your daughter and your friends. If a situation arises where they're trying to tell you what to do with your daughter or your friends calmly talk to them about how it's YOUR daughter and YOUR friends and you will make the decision on how to deal with these.

You may want to try and talk to them when you're both calm (not when an argument or issue just happened) and try to tell them how you feel. That they're taking over your life and you need some space.

Be especially firm in that you feel like they're trying to tell you how to raise your daughter is making you uncomfortable. You want them to respect you as a parent and a person.

After that if they try to tell you what to do simply listen to what they have to say, think about it, and if you don't want to do what they say or disagree on how they're trying to get you to raise your daughter etc. you can tell them thanks but I'm not doing that, or explain how you're going to do it. They don't need to agree with you but you can tell them your reasons behind why you're doing things and that you appreciate their input. Then do what you want to do.

Like I said though, it'll never truly be you in control of everything if you're living with your parents. They look at you like you're 16 for your entire life. Sometimes it feels like your 8!

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